And Along Came John
by Basmathgirl
Summary: John aka TenII has returned to the TARDIS to live with Donna and the Doctor and is adjusting to the real world by trying to find love. Things, of course, don't go according to plan! With love, or life!
1. Once More Round the Block

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two sons, John has returned and is adjusting to the real world. This is a sequel to Home Again Home Again Jiggety Jig.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters from Doctor Who (or Eastenders), only the two people I've given them to love.

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**Once More Round the Block**

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"Mummy, I'm bored! I wish I'd gone to watch West Ham with Teddie and Gramps now," Jamie gave Donna his best pout. "Shopping with Nanny would have been better than this! What can I do?"

"Go out and have a run around," Donna suggested, looking up from the newspaper she was reading. "In fact, that's what I thought you were going to do."

He turned his eager attention onto John, clasping his hand. "Uncle John! You promised!" Jamie complained. "You said you'd take me to the park to play!"

John groaned. "All right! I'll come; but don't expect me to run around too much, I've just eaten my lunch!"

Donna smirked at him, "Don't make promises you're not prepared to keep! Rule number one with kids!"

"Ha ha! Laugh it up, sis. I'm doing you a favour, remember!" John glowered at Donna.

That drew Jamie's keen interest, "What favour is that, Uncle John?"

"Letting your mum have some 'quality' time with your dad, Squeaks," John dipped down to whisper into Jamie's ear. "Come on, grab your coat!"

Jamie took hold of John's hand and happily skipped out of Sylvia's front door. They made their way down the road and entered the park through one of the smaller entrances. Jamie immediately spotted the playground and made straight for it. "Ooh! Uncle John, what shall I go on first?" he trilled.

"I quite fancy the slide," John told him.

"Oh no, Uncle John, you can't go on these things!" Jamie giggled. "Grown-ups aren't allowed!"

"Too bad!" John pouted. "The swings look like fun."

"We'll ask the TARDIS to give you one, shall we?" Jamie beamed up at him.

John beamed back, "I like that idea, Squeaks!"

Jamie started climbing on the helicopter frame, so John sat himself down to watch and supervise. A few minutes later a little red-haired girl ran over to the playground and started to climb too.

"'ello!" she greeted Jamie. "Not seen you before round 'ere."

"We're visiting my Nanny," he told her. "This is my first time here in ages. Daddy is very busy, too busy to bring me here."

The little girl turned to look at John, "He's not very busy now. Good! We can have a good game on this. Who shall we pretend to be?"

Jamie considered this, "Erm… how about we fight the Racnoss, and you're full of huon particles for me to detect with my sonic screwdriver?"

"You're funny!" the girl smiled. "Completely nutty, but I like you! Who are the Racnoss?"

"Evil spider creatures," Jamie explained in low tones, since he knew they were particularly evil.

"Eww! I don't like spiders!" the little girl scrunched her face up in disgust. "Yes, let's fight them."

They chased around, shooting at imaginary creatures, having a whale of a time, until the girl fell down and started crying. John rushed over and pulled out a handkerchief to dab her eyes and soothe her distress. "It's okay, you haven't hurt anything and there's no blood," he told her.

"Oi! You! Get away from my daugh'er," floated across the park from a very irate woman storming towards them. "Tiffany! Get away from that pervert!"

John watched her flounce towards them, her long red hair streaming out behind her; and he recognised faint stirrings from ages ago. "I wasn't… I didn't…," he began to splutter as soon as the woman was near enough to hear him.

"Yeah, that's exactly right, mate! And you won't get the chance either," she threatened from a distance.

He turned and stood from his crouched position in front of Tiffany, pulling himself to his full height, "I'm sorry, but she fell over and…"

"Daddy was helping her!" Jamie piped up from behind him. "We was playing killing evil spiders and she fell." He gave Tiffany's mum the best smile he could rustle up.

It seemed to work, the woman began to smile at them and she eyed John up and down appreciatively. "Are you alright, Tiffany?" she asked the now quiet girl.

"Yes, Mum!" Tiffany sniffed. "We was having a fun game," she wiped her nose with John's handkerchief and then tried to give it back to him.

"That's okay! Keep it," he waved dismissively at the article.

"So, you've escaped from your wife for a while 'ave you?" Tiffany's mum asked him.

He gave her a puzzled look, "I'm not married."

Jamie jumped in with, "Daddy's all on his own. Are you on your own?"

"Yeah! Tiffany's dad done a bunk yonks ago. Dunno where he's 'iding himself, though the Child Support Agency tried 'ard to find 'im," she smiled broadly at John. "Do you fancy fixing up a play date for the kids sometime?"

"Oh! I dunno! I'll have to ask…," he looked to Jamie for help. "I'm sure Jamie here would love… though I'm not sure…"

"Jamie's dad is very busy," stated Tiffany. "Jamie told me. Can we ask them to tea, Mum?"

"Do you want to?" Tiffany's mum looked directly at John, willing him to say 'yes'.

"I… erm… I'll have to ask Sylvia…," seeing the question waiting to be answered, he added, "that's my step-mother. She was doing us some dinner."

"Oh, right! Sorry! Perhaps we can arrange it another day?" Tiffany's mum said hopefully. "I could give you my number, and you can check your diary later?"

"Yes! Why not?" John was still floundering under this unexpected social assault. "Oh, where are my manners? I'm John. John Noble," he stuck his hand to shake hers.

She very coyly returned the hand shake, "I'm Bianca, and this 'ere's Tiffany."

"And I'm Jamie Noble," Jamie shook her hand too, making her laugh at his good manners.

"Blimey! He looks like you, doesn't he?" Bianca chuckled. "You wouldn't lose 'im in an 'urry!"

"Why would I want to?" asked John. Was it normal to try and lose your child here? Not that Jamie was his child, mind you.

"Course you wouldn't!" agreed Bianca. "He's a right little charmer! Does he take after 'is dad for that?"

John considered Jamie, "I'd say a lot of his charm was from his mother. And the rest is from…"

"You're right modest, ain't you?" Bianca cut across him.

John blushed. "I'm not sure I'd say that!" he puffed out.

Bianca was obviously fascinated by this display, "Come off it! I bet you say that to all the girls."

"Girls? Oh, I don't know about girls. I… well, I sort of keep myself to myself," he confessed, and reddened even further.

"I can see that you do," she said softly. "Shame really!"

"Mum, I'm 'ungry!" Tiffany pulled on her mother's jacket.

"All right, Tiff! I'm almost finished." She turned her attention back to John, "Kids, eh? They're never 'appy!"

"I think Jamie here manages to be quite happy most of the time, don't you?" he grinned down at the boy.

Jamie took hold of his hand, "Very happy, Daddy!" He then tugged on John's jacket sleeve to whisper in his ear, "Get her number, Dumbo!"

Startled, John stood up abruptly, and nervously licked his lips, "About that number… you said… that's if you still want to… I'd like that."

Bianca patted his arm, "You're so suave, ain't you? 'ere 'ang on a tick, I think I've got…," she rummaged through her handbag and pulled out a used envelope and a pen. She hastily wrote her mobile phone number down on it and handed it to him, "There you go! Now don't forget to call me, will you? Tiffany 'ere will be gutted if you don't!" Tiffany pulled a puzzled face.

They said their goodbyes and walked off in opposite directions across the park. "They seemed nice," remarked Jamie as he skipped along holding John's hand. "And Bianca definitely fancied you!"

"Do you think so?" John could hardly contain his glee. "I might give her a call later," he tried to say offhand.

Jamie giggled, "Yeah, you might."

Donna answered the door when they knocked at Sylvia's. "You two look pleased with yourselves!" she greeted them with.

"I got Uncle John a date! Well, a date to get a date!" Jamie boasted as soon as he stepped through the door.

"Did you? How did you do that?" Donna couldn't wait to find out as she turned to regard John.

He blushed again, "He made a little friend, called Tiffany; and I got talking to her mum, Bianca."

"What? All on your own! Pfft! I don't believe it!" scoffed Donna.

"No he didn't!" confirmed Jamie. "Bianca thought he was a pervert to start with," Donna burst out laughing, but Jamie pushed on. "I said he was my dad, and she was fine after that!"

"And look at this… Da dah!" John went as he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.

"What's that?" Donna glanced at the paper. "No! You didn't!"

"What didn't he do?" Sylvia asked as she appeared from the kitchen. "What did you do, John?"

"I got the phone number of a beautiful red head!" he stated smugly. "Called Bianca."

"Well done!" Sylvia kissed his cheek, "My clever boy!"

John glowed under her praise.

"I helped!" Jamie pointed out.

Sylvia made sure she kissed him too, "My little gorgeous boy."

"Oh p-l-ease!" Teddie scoffed from the doorway. "All he did was tell some stupid woman a whopping big lie!"

"Stop it! Jealousy doesn't become you!" Donna warned him with a glare.

"And she wasn't stupid!" yelled Jamie. "She thought we were charming!"

"Not stupid at all then!" mocked Teddie. "Just a bit doolally!"

Jamie pouted angrily at his brother, "You're saying that to be mean and horrible!"

"Boys!" Donna grabbed both boys by the wrist and wrenched them through the doorway and out to the kitchen where she could face them on their own. "I won't have this sort of behaviour!" she warned the two of them, "You do NOT do this in someone else's home! Do you hear me?"

They hung their heads sheepishly. "Yes Mum," they both stated.

"Jamie, you can go. Teddie, you have something to tell me I assume?" Donna ordered them.

Waiting until Jamie had skipped away, Teddie decided to come clean, "I know! I'm being a bit of a git!"

Donna's tone softened, "So why so nasty? What's annoying you?"

His faced frowned as he thought deeply, "I keep feeling… I don't know why… this anger… as if something is terribly unfair. But I don't really feel angry; it's as if someone else is making me feel that way." He lifted his eyes to beseech her, "How do I stop it, Mum?"

Donna held out her arms and he flew into her embrace. "Hold on to who you are, sweetheart! Don't let anyone or anything take that away from you," she kissed his forehead. She whispered, "We'd better ask your dad about this, do you think?" He nodded his reply.

"Anything I can help with?" John asked from the doorway.

"All sorted for now," Donna released the now embarrassed Teddie, and let him escape. "John? Are you…," she hesitated, biting her lower lip; "…can you feel anything odd since you walked in?"

John tenderly took her hand and rubbed comforting circles over her knuckles, "Can't say I have, but then I'm a bit distracted by my news." He tried to get her to grin back at him, "Do you want to investigate together?"

He succeeded, to his delight. "You can be so sweet!" Donna brought her free hand up to caress his face but had second thoughts when she realised what she was doing and rested it on his shoulder instead. "I… I don't think I should be doing this, sorry John!"

"Donna," he almost whispered, "you know I'm not the Doctor, so why is this a problem?"

"Because I'm an idiot!" her voice wavered.

"Don't say that about yourself, because it isn't true," he insisted. "You're brilliant, and clever and gorgeous." He shook his head, "I shouldn't have said that, should I?"

"No," Donna replied faintly.

"No you shouldn't!" came the angry voice of the Doctor from behind John. "Would you like to tell me why you did?"

John and Donna jumped apart guiltily. "I… I… I can explain," John gulped. He'd never seen the Doctor look so irate.

"Dad! It's my fault!" Teddie burst out. "Please don't hurt him!" Teddie had seen the Doctor storming towards the kitchen in a bad mood and followed him in.

The Doctor turned his glare towards Teddie, "This doesn't concern you!"

"Doctor!" Donna calmly approached him and took both his hands, "Look at me… this isn't you. You don't do this. Something is wrong here. We need to get back to the TARDIS as soon as possible."

"Mum?" Teddie cried.

"It's okay, Teddie. Go fetch your brother; we're going home, now!" she told the frightened boy. Donna turned her attention towards John whilst keeping hold of the Doctor's quivering hands, "Say 'goodbye' to Mum and Gramps for me, and make sure you bring the boys back will you? I'll meet you in the TARDIS."

Without waiting for his confirming reply, Donna dragged the Doctor out through the patio doors and into the TARDIS waiting in the garden.

Sylvia watched them go with concern. She gave John and the boys a big hug. "Come back soon!" she begged them. The sight of the boys waving goodbye as they left almost broke her heart, especially when she found the phone number John had proudly gained fallen on the floor. Wilf slept soundly in his armchair.

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TBC in "This Little Piggy"

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	2. This Little Piggy

**Warning:** Contains some family angst.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two sons, John has returned and is adjusting to the real world. This is a sequel to Once More Round the Block.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters from Doctor Who (or Eastenders), only the two people I've given them to love.

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**This Little Piggy**

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As soon as they burst through the TARDIS doors Teddie began his apology, "I'm so sorry, Uncle John! I didn't mean to… I never thought…"

"Let's not worry about that yet; we need to move the TARDIS," John replied, taking both boys over to the console and directing them as to which buttons to press. The TARDIS dematerialised and spun into the Vortex efficiently. Jamie clung onto John's leg but Teddie started to head out of the console room.

"Teddie, where do you think you're going?" John asked him.

"I have to make this better," the boy begged him; "I can't let it stay like this." He was already walking back down the corridor towards his parents' bedroom.

John thought it best to let him go, and comfort the shaking Jamie, who took some persuading to loosen his grip. "It's okay now, Jamie," he soothed, stroking the boy's hair. "We're home now, safe and sound." To his relief, the boy let him lead him by the hand to go get some TV watching and cuddles therapy.

Reaching his parents' door, Teddie quietly opened it a smidge and peeped inside. But the room was half hidden in darkness, and he could only just make out the low voice of his mother whispering to his father. Aware that he was intruding on an intimate moment he withdrew from his position and headed for his own room.

He sat on his bed, wondering how on earth he was going to rectify this. What a stupid idea it had been! He pulled the Flecordian beads from his pocket and considered them forlornly. Sighing deeply, he stood and crossed the carpet to his bookcase and placed the beads gently on top of the book he had been reading the night before; and promptly burst into tears.

Teddie had been lying on his bed for a few minutes when there was a soft tapping on his door. He wiped the tears from his face, and called out, "Who is it?"

"It's me, Squeakles!" came the voice of Donna. "Can I come in?"

"Yes!" he sat up as Donna entered, and beckoned her over, with outstretched arms. "Oh Mum! I didn't mean to make things worse, honest! I just wanted to see what would happen… and I never thought Dad would be so… so scary!"

Donna sat and embraced him tightly, "It'll be alright. Don't worry. Where are your brother and uncle?"

"Gone to watch the TV, I think. Jamie was… he wouldn't let go of Uncle John," tears welled up in his eyes. "I tried to say sorry, but…"

"What exactly did you do?" Donna asked him, trying to wipe away some of the tears from his cheeks.

"I used the beads I was given," he glanced towards where he'd laid the beads on his bookcase.

"Beads? What beads?" Donna was puzzled, not understanding how such things could cause trouble.

"The Flecordian beads I was given by the shaman on Telax IV the other day. Do you remember? He had that weird wooden headdress," Teddie gave her a faint smile in remembrance.

"He took quite a shine to you, didn't he?" Donna got up to look at the beads. "I didn't know he'd given you these. What are they supposed to do?"

"They emphasise emotions, he said. Like, if you feel only a little bit brave than suddenly you'll feel braver," Teddie explained.

"And you thought you'd try them out on us because…?" Donna looked at him expectantly.

Teddie hung his head sheepishly, "Things aren't right. Not being said, I mean. So I thought I'd help get matters out into the open, you know, clear the air."

"Which means you did what?" Donna tilted her head in query.

"I put a bead in each of your pockets. You, Dad and Uncle John. I thought it would make you talk things through," Teddie looked agitated again. "I never expected it to go ballistic, honest. Is Dad really annoyed still?"

Donna sat next to him again, "I've calmed him down. It's all right." She gave him a little smile as she squeezed his hand, "He's feeling a bit silly, actually. Can't understand what came over him; so he'll be relieved to find out what it was." She nodded towards the beads, "How do you think they work then?"

"Oh them? Probably some psychic enhancer… yeah, I might be to blame for that one as well. I've been… I've been practising," he blushed, "my abilities. Sorry."

Donna felt at a loss whether to be angry or to be proud; it was all so complicated when you lived with an alien and half aliens. "I think we need to tell your dad this," she gave his hand a little tug to suggest getting off the bed.

Teddie stood up. "Okay," he sighed, and picked up the beads with his free hand to show his father.

They padded down the corridor, and entered the bedroom where the Doctor lay with his arm over his eyes. Donna gave Teddie an encouraging nod, and let him walk towards the bed.

"Dad? Erm… I've got something I need to show you, and tell you," he looked back at Donna who smiled her reassurance at him. "It really was my fault what happened at Nanny's… I… er… used these," he held out the hand holding the beads. "I was given them on Telax IV."

Silently the Doctor swung off the bed, put his brainy specs on, and considered the contents of Teddie's hand. "You were given Flecordian beads?" he finally asked after a few moments. "Who gave them to you?"

"The shaman, Dad," Teddie gulped. "He thought I could make good use of them."

"And you thought you'd try them out on us as a prank?" it was more of a statement than a question.

"No! I wasn't exactly trying to be funny!" Teddie gave the Doctor a nervous glance. "I thought I'd…"

Teddie flinched as the Doctor lifted up his hand to remove his glasses. "What then? What did you think?"

Teddie could feel himself starting to panic. He licked his lips nervously, "I wanted to clear the air."

"Why? And how does using these things help?" the Doctor ground out through clenched teeth.

Donna stepped forward and rubbed the boy's shoulders from behind, "He really wasn't trying to be malicious!"

The boy touched her hand as if it were a good-luck talisman, "Things aren't right. They haven't been quite right since… well, not long after Uncle John came home. I was trying to help." Tears started to spill down his cheeks again, "I didn't mean to make you so angry with him." He tried to hold in a sob, "Please forgive me."

The Doctor couldn't stay angry, not when the boy was showing so much remorse; and he was right, there were things that needed saying. "Always," the Doctor said, flinging his arms around Teddie and pressing calming kisses to his head.

Donna watched with tearful satisfaction as the two made up their differences, and the mystery of the Doctor's over-reaction was solved. Now all they had to do was sort things out with John. She suddenly felt in need of a strong cup of coffee.

Leaving the two of them to it, Donna went off in search of John and Jamie, finding them nestled in front of the television. "Mummy!" squealed Jamie as he jumped off the sofa and into her arms. Donna eased their cuddled forms back onto the settee.

John eyed her dubiously, "Has everything been sorted out?"

"Not quite," Donna patted his knee. "But I know what caused the overreaction."

"Really?" he raised one eyebrow. "Was it connected to Teddie after all?"

"Yes, in a way, and…," she glimpsed down at Jamie, "in a way not. He was trying out some amazing accordion psychic beads or other; he was given the other day by that shaman with the weird hat." She adjusted Jamie so that she could breathe a bit more easily, "Teddie's been keen to prove his Time Lord side works, and well, somehow he made what we were feeling more so."

John nodded, trying to understand, and let out a sigh of relief, "So all that business in the kitchen…"

"Yeah," Donna softly agreed. "Not that we don't need to talk a few things through, mind you. And…," she gave Jamie a grin, "we have a play date to arrange for you."

"Oh crikey! I clean forgot about that with all the drama," John looked crushed. "Do you think it's too late to make that phone call?" He began to look for the envelope with the precious number written on it.

"I'm sure she'll be as pleased as Punch to get any phone call from you," she told him as she watched him rummage through his pockets.

"Donna! I can't find it!" he wailed.

"But I saw you put it in that pocket!" she pointed to the right hand side of his jacket.

"Well, it isn't in there now!" he pulled out the lining to prove his point.

"Don't worry; it must have fallen in the console room. And if it isn't in there, I'll phone Mum; she's bound to have kept it for you," she stood, taking Jamie with her. "Come on, Squeaks, we have an envelope to find."

"Like buried treasure?" he eagerly asked.

"Exactly!" she replied.

Unfortunately, the envelope was nowhere to be found in the TARDIS. "Don't worry, Uncle John, Mummy will fix it. She fixes everything!" Jamie patted his arm.

"Yeah, I'm beginning to realise that!" he smiled at the boy.

Donna pulled out her mobile and dialled. "Hello Mum? Did John… he did?... great… can you?... okay, say it slowly," she said the number out loud to John who instantly remembered it. "Thanks Mum! Love you. See you soon!" and she hung up smugly.

"Thank you!" John briefly hugged her.

"Told you!" Jamie smirked as Donna began to dial Bianca's number.

"Hello, am I speaking to Bianca?" Donna used her best telephone voice. "I'm calling you on behalf of John Noble. One moment please as I put you through." She handed the phone gleefully over to John, who suddenly looked stricken.

"Hello? Bianca?... Hello! That was… yes he is… well, I thought we could…," he listened for a few moments more. "Yes, that would be fine. I'm sure… no, don't go to too much trouble…," he looked desperately at Donna. "What day is it today... Yes, that would be lovely! I look forward to it… Until Friday… Bye!" He was on the verge of doing a little dance.

"I take it that went well?" teased Donna.

"Oh yes!" he beamed. "We've been invited over on Friday after school. If… if that's okay with you and the Doctor?"

"I don't see why not," she took his hand. "Come on, shall we go ask?"

As it turned out, the Doctor was more than happy to let John go on his date that was a play date; and the two brothers worked out the time coordinates easily for Friday teatime.

"Mummy? What is a play date?" Jamie asked Donna as they sorted through his clothing for a suitable outfit. "Does it make Tiffany my girlfriend?"

"Not unless you want her to be," answered Donna. "Otherwise it is merely an arrangement to go and play with a friend. And in this case you've been invited to tea."

"So there's going to be cake and sandwiches?" he eagerly asked.

Donna chuckled, "Might be; or there might be something like fish fingers and chips. Some people call the evening meal their tea."

"Oh!" he looked very thoughtful. "Will it help if I'm very hungry then?"

"Probably!" she giggled. "Not that you normally have any problem with being that. Now, have you decided on which shirt you want to wear?"

"Hmm, I think so," he considered his choices carefully, "I'm going to go with the… blue!" He had a sudden thought, "Will I clash with Uncle John?"

"You'd best go ask," she encouraged him; and tried not to laugh as he skipped away to ask his questions.

"He seems very excited," the Doctor observed as he entered the room. "Any idea what this girl is like?"

Donna finished putting away the discarded clothing, "None apart from her having ginger hair and being called Tiffany." She went over and flicked invisible lint from his shoulders, "Still, you have to admit, it is a good choice of colour."

He wrapped his arms around her waist. "Mmm, a very good choice," he agreed as he nuzzled her neck.

She decided to ignore the "Bugger!" he muttered under his breath as Jamie reappeared, and plonked himself down on the bed.

"It's okay, he's going with his dark grey suit," Jamie announced. He looked at them curiously, "Can I do Tiffany a picture as a present?"

"Of course you can! But try and keep to things you'd find on Earth," advised Donna.

"Oakie dokie!" he replied, and started to get out his drawing materials.

She nodded to the Doctor to follow her outside. "How about we get a little creative on our own?" she whispered into his ear.

His answering leer told her all she needed to know, plus the fact he almost dragged her into their bedroom. Having John around was starting to pay off in other ways.

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TBC in "This One Went to Market"

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	3. This One Went to Market

**Warning:** Contains an incest reference.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two sons, John has returned and has a date. This is a sequel to This Little Piggy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters from Doctor Who (or Eastenders), only the two people I've given them to love.

**A/N:** This was also written as a response to the Travellers' Tales prompt #13 – 'envelope' at doctor_donna.

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**This One Went to Market**

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"Have you brushed your teeth?" Donna asked Jamie as she adjusted his diddy tie.

"Yes Mummy!" he bounced excitedly.

"And has Uncle John shaved?" she swept her gaze onto John, who hovered by her side nervously.

"Yes!" he replied indignantly. "Feel if you don't believe me," he pushed his face towards her.

She smoothed her hand along his jaw and over his mouth, "You'll do!" And she smiled impishly at him, "Almost good enough to kiss."

John blushed as he wittily replied, "Shut up!"

"Will Bianca kiss him, Mummy?" Jamie piped up, "And will I have to kiss Tiffany?"

Donna tried not to laugh as she told him, "Possibly, and no, in that order."

Fortunately the TARDIS materialised in time to save John further embarrassment, landing in the hallway of the block of flats where Bianca lived. Tiffany enthusiastically opened the door as Jamie rang their doorbell.

"Jamie!" she greeted them, grabbing Jamie's arm and dragging him in.

John followed in anxiously. "Erm… hello!" he called out. "Bianca? Are you there?"

Bianca appeared from the kitchen, harassed and wearing a pinny over a shocking pink top, "Hello. You're early. Come in, come in… don't stand on ceremony."

John looked down to see what he was standing on and wondered why you'd name your carpet. "Where shall I…?" he gestured vaguely to ask where he should go.

"In 'ere," she led him into the living room. "Cup of tea?"

"Ooh! Yes please! Shall I come and help?" he answered.

"I think I can put a kettle on alright; but you can come and keep me company," she gave him a wink, pleased to get another blush as an answer.

Several hours later, Donna was sent to fetch them as the Doctor was getting restless sitting in the same place without having them safely back. Not that Donna didn't feel otherwise, but she wanted to give John a chance to work his way up to that wanted kiss.

Ringing the doorbell of the address written on the envelope she'd been left with, Donna was surprised to be met by Jamie and his new friend. "Mummy!" he squealed, "Have you come to take me home?"

Donna stepped in, "Yes. And who's this? Hello!"

"'ello, I'm Tiffany," the girl announced. "Does Jamie 'ave to go 'ome now?"

"I'm afraid so," Donna smiled at her. "Where's John got to?" she glanced down the small hallway towards where he might be.

"I'll get 'im," Tiffany offered, as she strode off.

"Have you had a good time?" Donna asked Jamie quietly.

"You were right, Mummy," he whispered back, "we had fish fingers and chips, followed by ice cream. It was yummy!"

"Donna?" John appeared, without his jacket, Donna noted. "I wasn't expecting you."

"I'm like the proverbial bad penny," she smirked.

"Who's this?" Bianca demanded.

"Mummy," Jamie answered, clinging to her hand. He turned his attention to John, "It's time for us to go home."

"Hang on…," Bianca began, and gave John an accusing glare. "You told me you're not married!"

"And I'm not!" he huffed. "This is Donna. I live with…"

"You live with her!" Bianca exclaimed, sarkily interrupting him.

"She's my sister," he said slowly, as if that explained everything.

"Your sister… and his mother…!" Bianca glanced between the two. "That's just sick!"

"Not exactly," Donna leapt to John's defence. "I'm married to his brother…"

Bianca's face crumpled in anger, "You're married to your own brother? And have a kid with your other brother? That is so wrong I don't know where to begin!"

"No! Honestly! It's not as bad as it sounds!" Donna tried to explain, but Bianca was charging towards her.

"Get out of my flat. Go on!" she looked like thunder. "No wonder you were all so blimming polite! Must be all that inbreeding!"

Donna and John felt it best to get out as quickly as possible. "Thank you for inviting me to tea!" called out Jamie, as Bianca slammed the door and Tiffany shook her head. He took hold of both Donna and John's hands; they gave each other a shrug, and made their way down the stairs to where the TARDIS stood waiting. As they reached the bottom step, John's jacket came fluttering down, preceded by some intelligible insult. John mutely picked it up; Donna tried to help him put it back on, but he shook her off.

The Doctor watched the trio enter the TARDIS forlornly. "Should I have sent Teddie up as well?" he asked them.

"How about instead of," John commented.

"Oi! Watch it you!" Donna threatened him. "It is not my fault your girlfriend went postal on me!"

"Well she certainly isn't my girlfriend anymore, is she?" he bit back. "Thanks to you!"

"Me? I'm not the one that made her think I'm some sort of sicko who's related to the Wests," she sniped.

"Why are you a sicko?" asked the Doctor, unable to believe he was even using that word.

"Bianca got the impression I'm married to one of my brothers and had a child with another. I wouldn't mind, but I didn't even get the chance to tell her the truth," she glared at John, "thanks to the silent majority here!"

"What? You saw what she was like!" John protested. "I was frightened for my own life at one point." He visibly deflated, "I'm sorry, Donna. I had no idea it would go like that."

"And I'm sorry too," she playfully punched his arm. "What are you like, eh? Thought you'd pick a better one than that. Dazzled by the ginger, were you?"

"Just a bit," he admitted.

"May be I shouldn't call you Daddy next time, Uncle John?" piped up Jamie.

"You did what?" spluttered the Doctor. "You never told me this!" he rounded on Donna.

"Didn't I?" Donna tried to hide her embarrassment. "I… erm… had a good reason at the time."

"Which was?" his eyes narrowed.

"You were… erm… a bit unreceptive when I found out," she shot a hasty glance at Jamie.

"Oh!" the Doctor replied simply.

"Tea any one?" offered John as a distraction.

"Please!" they chimed, as Jamie skipped along to help.

Left conveniently on their own, the Doctor asked Donna his question again, "Why didn't you tell me?"

She fiddled with a button on the console, "I thought you wouldn't approve of Jamie's lie."

"Okay," he conceded. "Why did he lie?"

"He was trying to help John avoid being attacked as a pervert," she stole a glance at him. "He was giving his hankie to Tiffany when she fell over, and Bianca thought… well, I'm not quite sure what she thought he was doing, but I can understand her being concerned."

The Doctor sidled up to her. "You could have told me that," he insisted.

"Not in the state you were in at Mum's," Donna protested. "It took long enough…" But she stopped when she saw the guilty look on his face. "I'm sorry."

"So am I," he gave her an apologetic kiss. He wrapped her in a loose embrace, "Did it really go badly for John?"

"Yes, but only because he didn't tell her the truth about Jamie. Silly man!" she gave him a peck on the cheek. "She seemed quite keen on him before her suspicions got to her." She frowned, "She made it sound like being polite was freaky. Flipping cheek!"

"Perhaps he's better off without her after all," he nuzzled her ear. "Or should I go and talk to her?"

"Good grief no! I think that would only confirm her insults," Donna giggled. "I think we should just chalk this one up to experience."

"Anywhere you fancy going to next?" he waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Stop it, you!" she playfully swatted his arm. "We have a cup of tea waiting for us."

"That's what I was offering," he lied.

"Course you were," she laughed. "Now, can you put that big ol' brain of yours to use to find John a proper girlfriend? One without psychopathic tendencies if possible."

"Hmm. You know I might have just the right place in mind," he started to guide her towards the kitchen, and that cup of tea. "Let's see if John thinks it's a good idea."

* * *

TBC in "This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef"

.


	4. This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef part 1

**Warning:** Contains a reference to internet grooming.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they are trying to find him a girlfriend. This is a sequel to This One Went to Market

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love.

* * *

**This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef (1/2)**

.

It had been quite a problem: where in the universe could they find John a girlfriend? Most of the Doctor's suggestions had been dismissed by John; they were either too splodgy, too blue, too smelly or too invisible. It was certainly proving to be a tricky one!

Donna decided to take charge of their argument, "Tell me John, what exactly _are_ you looking for in a girlfriend?"

"Ooh! That's a toughie!" John pursed his lips in thought. "I want her to be intelligent, round about my age… in looks before you accuse me of wanting a child," he nipped that joke in the bud, much to Donna's obvious disappointment. "And I want her to be compassionate, loving, vibrant… I suppose I want her to be a bit like…," he trailed off and blushed.

"A bit like…?" prompted Donna. "Rose, Roberta, Bianca… who?"

"I think he means like you, Donna," smirked the Doctor, looking like the cat that had got the cream.

"Me?" scoffed Donna. "When he could choose any…," then she noticed John's blush deepen. "Oh! Right! Hadn't seen that one coming!" and she blushed too.

The Doctor laughed and placed a possessive arm around her waist, "Why shouldn't he want someone like you, eh? It makes perfect sense to me!"

Donna and John shared an embarrassed glance across the tops of their tea cups as they sipped. "Anyway… where are we going to get John to meet this woman? Come on, we need to try somewhere rather than sit here and argue the toss," Donna looked between the two of them, but they both looked hopelessly back at her. "There must be somewhere… let me think… most people meet at a club, an evening class, at work, on the Tube, in the ready meal aisle in Sainsbury's… basically anywhere other people might be!" She huffed when they were still nonplussed. "Oh for goodness sake! Just pick somewhere for us to try and we'll play it by ear!"

"Ooh! Music! That's a good idea!" exclaimed John. "What if I hang out in a music store or at a music festival?"

"Do you really like mud, tents and chemical toilets that much?" giggled Donna.

"Now that you mention it, no; but I don't have to live there, do I?" John pleaded with her. "All I have to do is walk around for a bit."

"You might get bit by a mosquito, dunno about meeting Ms Right though, unless you have a thing for mud wrestlers," she chuckled.

"That's it! Laugh it up! I'm _so_ glad my lack of a love life manages to entertain you so much!" John sat back in his chair and sulked.

Donna gave his arm a comforting squeeze, "I'm not having a go, honest; I just can't see you enjoying a music festival. But the music store is a good idea. How about we take you to a shopping mall? There are always loads of girls in those places." John brightened considerably at her words. "Admittedly they tend to shop or hunt in packs, but you've got enough charm to cope with that."

"Don't ask me," the Doctor told John in answer to his quizzical gaze. "I don't know how to cope or where to go."

"You two are hopeless!" Donna guffawed. "Women go to look at clothing, shoes, jewellery… you know, women's stuff! And afterwards they go to the food court."

"Food?" they chorused and gave Donna an enormous grin. Donna merely sipped her tea in triumph.

~o~

"Mum? Are we really going shopping?" Teddie asked her in disgust. "Do I have to go?"

Donna sighed. "I thought you would understand more than anyone the importance of visiting a shopping mall at least once in your life," she started to explain.

"I know I'm expected to want to go when I'm a proper teenager, Mum; and I understand why Uncle John wants to try one out, but do I really have to go?" he whined.

"So you're telling me you don't want to see the modellers' shop, the gadget shop, the bookshop or the cookie counter? Are you ill?" Donna mockingly felt his forehead.

"Now you've said that, I suppose I could spend an hour or so there," he grinned. "Where are we going to eat?"

"Just like your father! Your thoughts always return to food!" she chuckled and playfully tapped his stomach.

"Hey! I'm a growing lad!" he retorted. "I need to keep my strength up."

"Go get your brother, and if you give me any of your cheek I shall punish you by kissing you in public," she threatened him.

He paled slightly, "You wouldn't!"

She winked at him, "Do you want to risk it?"

"No!" he readily replied, and they laughed together.

~o~

It was Jamie who thrust open the TARDIS doors and gasped at the new things to see and investigate. Donna wouldn't let either of the boys out until she'd double checked that they knew what to do in the event they got lost, whether they had a mobile phone on them, and if they had any cash to spend.

John was extremely excited: so much to do, so much to see, and so many new and different places to experience. Meeting a girlfriend was almost totally pushed to the back of his mind.

"Where shall we go to first, Uncle John?" Teddie almost bounced next to him.

"I think a gadget shop followed by the music superstore. What do you reckon?" John beamed back at him.

"Race you!" squealed Jamie. And the three of them ran off before anything else could be said.

"We could just stay here and make the most of this," the Doctor purred into Donna's ear, making her sorely tempted to agree.

In fact, she only managed to say, "Mmmm," in response because her mouth was otherwise engaged.

~o~

The excited squeals were almost held in check as John, Teddie and Jamie explored the gadget shop. They were fascinated by the goods on offer, amused by what was considered revolutionary, and annoyed by how much of it was absolute rubbish. Just like the rest of us do, really!

After irritating the hell out of the shop assistants with their questions, they headed for the music superstore. None of them had ever seen so much in one place before, and chased around to see what was included, what was classic and what was current. John, of course, happened to peruse the area where there were a few pretty girls, to practise on.

Teddie giggled when he saw the sort of looks his uncle was getting. He sidled up to John to whisper, "Perhaps you should have ditched the suit?"

John looked down at himself, "Why? What's wrong with the suit?" He gave a little sniff.

Teddie swept his glance around the store, "Nobody else is dressed like that! It looks a bit too formal, as though you've just popped out of the office."

John glared at him, "Does it? How do you know these things?"

"Mum tells me," Teddie gave him a little smug smile. "Perhaps you ought to look more like them?" he pointed to some nearby chavs.

"Isn't that a bit like that bloke Donna likes…? Russell Brand isn't it?" John squinted to get a better view.

"Yeah! That's him!" Teddie agreed. "Can't we get you an outfit like that?"

"I don't know," John warily examined his sleeves. "Do you think I could carry that look off?"

"Course you could!" Teddie schmoozed his bruised ego. "The women round here might lap it up!"

"I'm still not sure. Those trousers look awfully tight!" John whined.

"Look," Teddie was getting exasperated now, "if you don't try it we'll never know!"

"Is this bloke annoying you?" came the voice of a rather large shop assistant by the side of Teddie.

Teddie immediately blushed, "No! It's alright, mate! He's my uncle; he wasn't bothering me!"

"Okay," the shop assistant replied. "But if you change your mind I'll be over there," he pointed to a cash desk close by, and sauntered off.

Teddie couldn't bring himself to look at the rather puzzled John. "What did I do wrong this time?" John asked him.

"He thought you were one of those internet groomers," explained Teddie as he finally managed to peek at him again. "Mum said youngsters have to be aware of them."

"He thought what?" asked the outraged John. "Why does everyone think I'm a pervert?"

"Must be your clothes!" sniggered Teddie; and got a playful swat for his trouble.

~o~

Donna knew they had returned to the TARDIS when Jamie started yelling for her.

"Mummy! Uncle John wants to be Russell Brand!" he called out as soon as he spotted her in the corridor.

"There's an uncomfortable thought! Why does he want that?" Donna hugged Jamie in greeting.

"'Cos he wants to dress like everyone else," Teddie was just behind Jamie, and hugged her too. "He looked out of place in his suit; and this big bloke in the music store thought he was grooming me, and offered to…," Teddie gave a little cough.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Donna gave John a sympathetic look over the boys' heads. "Do we need to give you a new image?"

"Yes please," confirmed John, giving her his best smile.

"Come on then!" Donna turned and started to lead them all down to the wardrobe. "One 'Russell Brand' coming right up!"

"Good grief!" muttered the Doctor in the distance.

The boys had a great deal of fun laughing at the various outfits in the wardrobe and trying them on for each other's amusement; whilst Donna picked through items that might suit their purpose. She found some tight black jeans, black leather boots, white t-shirt; check shirt, black tie and tasselled scarf. John made more of a fuss about her re-arranging his gelled hair, making the boys roar with laughter; but when John stood in front of the mirror to assess her efforts, he was more than a bit pleased and pulled Donna into a 'thank you' hug.

"Are you ready for 'Attack of the Shopping Mall: Part II'?" she asked him.

"Oh yes!" he happily replied.

"You do realise that if this slightly works you'll have to grow a beard to get the full effect?" Donna teased him.

Returning to look at his mirror image, John turned his head about and pouted, "I think I could live with that!"

"What are we waiting for then?" Teddie gleefully grinned at him.

"Are you treating him as one of your science experiments again?" Donna fixed her glare on Teddie.

"Might be… just a bit," Teddie nodded.

"As long as I know," Donna winked. "This might prove to be interesting."

.


	5. This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef part 2

**Warning:** Contains mild swear words.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they are trying to find him a girlfriend. This is a sequel to This One Went to Market

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love.

* * *

**This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef (2/2)**

.

This time it was agreed that the Doctor would go with the boys, to peruse the bookshop while Donna kept a close eye on John near the gift card shop.

"But I don't want to look at teddy bears, fluffy kittens and all that rubbish!" John had protested.

"You are an ungrateful sod at times!" Donna had pushed him in the right direction. "You can play the hero and help someone chose an appropriate card or something."

"What if I don't like what the shop has on offer?" he whined.

"Have you heard of a little thing called telling lies?" she mocked. "I'm sure even you can manage that one!"

"Oi! Watch it, you!" he huffed. "I _can _go off people!"

She adjusted his scarf, "Try asking for help picking out a card for your mum, your aunt, or me; but _don't_ say it's a girlfriend."

"Duh! Me no speaky da English okayish," he pretended to mime, and got swatted for his lip.

"Don't push me, mister! I can just as easily bugger off and leave you to it!" Donna threatened him.

"Don't do it, Donna!" he grasped her arm and pretended to wail. "How can you treat me this way? Your one and only brother!"

"Give over!" she smiled despite herself. "Anybody would think I liked you!" She manhandled him to get him to stand in an easily viewed position. "Now, don't worry… I'll be keeping an eye on you from over there," she pointed to the children's cards. "Just give it your best pathetic look."

As he went to reply a couple of young women swept passed him to stand close by, so he merely poked his tongue out at Donna, and started his act. Pretending to examine each card he took a peek at his nearby companions, and immediately blushed when one of them glanced his way. In the corner of his eye he could see Donna nodding her encouragement.

Suddenly feeling emboldened, he took a deep breath and turned towards the women, "Excuse me?"

"Yes?" answered the prettier one, wearing glasses.

"I wonder if you could help me? I need to buy my… erm… mother a birthday card, and I can't decide which one she would like," he gulped. "Which one would you choose?"

The two women exchanged glances, and then the pretty one asked, "Does she like flowers, or does she prefer a cute animal?"

"I've no idea!" John instantly admitted. "Though judging by how she reacted to how we parked last time… I'd say flowers."

"Ah! You've got plenty of choice with flowers," the other woman spoke up; and she began to rifle through various cards. She triumphantly handed him a card with a basket of flowers, "That should suit the old dear!"

"Kelly!" the prettier one gasped. "Don't be so rude!"

"What? I wasn't being rude, Elizabeth!" Kelly swung round to face her friend. Unfortunately she also swung her massive handbag, and it hit John fair and squarely in the credentials!

With an "Oof!" he sunk like a stone to the store floor in agony. He was faintly aware of Donna going into action on the other side of the display before Elizabeth knelt down beside him, concern written right across her face.

"Oh my God! Are you okay?" she placed an anxious hand on his arm, before berating her friend. "Kelly! How could you be such an idiot?"

"I didn't mean to!" Kelly almost sobbed before joining her friend to kneel by his side.

John smiled weakly at them, and tried to wave a dismissive hand to say there was no permanent damage; but no coherent words made it out through his lips, so he merely squeaked and breathed deeply for a minute or two.

"You might have seriously hurt him!" Elizabeth rubbed her hand up and down his arm, "Do you want us to get a first-aider?"

John shook his head to say "No" before looking around to appeal for Donna.

Donna was torn between rushing to his side and waiting it out to see if he'd gotten anywhere with either of the girls. But she couldn't ignore the beseeching gaze he gave her from across the shop, so she rushed to his side. "Are you alright, John?" she tenderly caressed his cheek when she reached him. "Can you stand yet?" He gave a half nod in reply, so she tried to help him stand up.

"Are you his mother?" Kelly asked her, and Donna tried not to hate her on sight.

"No! I'm his sister… in-law," Donna hoped she'd managed to add that last bit without the obviously intellectually challenged Kelly noticed.

"Do you need to lean on me?" Elizabeth asked John, and Donna willed him to say "Yes" in reply.

"I… I… er… could do with a little help," John softly answered, seeing Donna beam at him.

Elizabeth took one side of him, and Donna took the other. "Let's get him to a seat outside," Donna ordered, please to see a little spark of something between the two of them. She was feeling quite protective towards him until he leant most of his weight onto her, and her goodwill vanished in a puff of smoke.

Having sat him down on a bench, next to Elizabeth, Donna asked her, "Would you mind staying with him until I get back with my husband? I'll be as quick as possible." Donna smiled her sweetest smile at her.

"Of course I will," Elizabeth grinned. "No problem!"

Donna ran until she was sure she wasn't being watched anymore, then slowed right down and dawdled towards the bookshop where she knew the Doctor was ransacking the contents. He'd already worked his way through a little pile of books when she found him. "That was quick!" he greeted her joyfully. "Did you use a great big fishing net?"

"No, more like a great big handbag," she replied as she slipped her arms around him. Waiting for the inevitable puzzled frown, she went on, "Some girl managed to tumble him with a swipe of her flipping bag but I've left him in the hands of her friend. Not literally, but looking after him on a bench outside the shop."

"What do you mean 'tumble'?" he asked.

"She got him right in the crown jewels," Donna explained; and giggled when he winced involuntarily and moved his hands in a protective mode.

"Do we have to go and get him?" he asked distractedly as another title caught his eye.

"Not unless you want to rush," she looked around the shop. "Where are the boys?"

"They were…" he went to point somewhere. "Not again!" he huffed.

Donna shifted into slapping mode, "Where are they? You'd better not have lost them!"

He rubbed her arms in an attempt to calm her down. "No, love! They kept on asking if they could investigate that machine over there," he moved his head in a vague direction.

"What? The photo booth? Since when have they been fascinating? Well, not to a son of yours," Donna found she wasn't calming down at all.

"Photo booth?" he turned his head to look in its direction. "No, not that… that!"

Just within view was a contraption that seemed to have no obvious use at all, standing in the middle of a shallow fountain. Getting nearer to the shop doorway, Donna could incline her head enough to spy her sons delightedly watching the clockwork elements dance around each other in a nonsensical manner. She read the accompanying plaque – 'Created by Wilf Lunn' – a vague and distant childhood memory came back of an eccentric inventor; it made perfect sense then!

As Donna approached her sons she realised that Teddie was delicately explaining the workings of the machine to an attractive young girl, who seemed to be hanging on his every word. "What do you think of it, Mummy?" Jamie broke through her thoughts with his question.

Donna eyed the contraption appreciatively, "I think it's wonderful! I love the mermaids!" She focused her gaze onto him, "And, yes, you and Teddie can make one with the bits and bobs we have about the TARDIS."

"How did you know…?" his tone was impressed.

"Supertemp!" Donna pointed to herself, and giggled.

"Is there no end to your super powers?" John's voice came from behind her, making her jump.

"Oi! Stop trying to give me a heart attack!" she swatted his arm. "And why are you here instead of sitting with the lovely Elizabeth?"

John blushed under their joint scrutiny, "She had arranged to meet some friends; but I got her phone number…"

"Yes? What else happened? I feel something is slightly wrong here," Donna guessed.

"Well, I… erm… had to take her friend's phone number too!" he admitted. "I also had to let her kiss me…," his blush deepened.

"Dare I ask what type of kiss, or which one did the kissing?" Donna gently teased.

"Oh! The cheek… purely on the cheek!" John stuttered. "Kelly was a bit… erm… overly concerned and enthusiastic," he ran his hand nervously through his hair, "she sunk her nails right into my leg."

"Your leg? What on earth was she doing near your leg?" Donna was wide-eyed.

"Avoiding falling completely on me!" he confessed; and they jointly laughed at the mental image.

Donna gave his cheek a consoling gentle pat, "Must be your natural animal magnetism shining through."

"Will I get girls falling for me as well when I'm older?" piped up Jamie.

John ruffled Jamie's hair, "We can live in hope!"

There was a loud, indignant, "What do you mean you don't remember me?" from behind them.

"What's your father done now?" Donna sighed as she swivelled to see where the voice was coming from.

The Doctor was being verbally and physically pinned up against a shop window by a very irate-looking young woman, who looked remarkably like… "Elizabeth?" called out John as he strode passed Donna to reach the Doctor first.

Elizabeth spun round to gawp at the man approaching her and the one she was berating. "But…? How…? Oh! Oh dear!" she stammered out.

"What do you think you are doing to my husband?" Donna steamed towards her, and John had to almost restrain her from attacking.

"I tried to tell her…," began the Doctor.

Elizabeth was still evidently in shock, "When you said you were similar… Blimey!"

John stepped forward and released her hands from the Doctor's jacket.

"I thought he was you," Elizabeth explained in a weak voice. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm not even dressed the same as him!" John whined. "How could you…?" he pouted with suppressed anger, and turned tail; marching off towards where the TARDIS sat.

"I'm so sorry," Elizabeth repeated to Donna, hardly moving a muscle.

"I hope you are! 'Cos if he bothers to phone you later you'd better be nice to him," Donna warned. She turned her attention to her sons. "Boys!" she ordered, clearly expecting them to following her as she grabbed the Doctor's hand and made off in the same direction as John.

She let Teddie and Jamie distract the Doctor with their plans for a clockwork machine whilst she looked for John in the TARDIS. With the help of the TARDIS, she found him in the wardrobe, huddled in front of the mirror.

"Why, Donna? Why does it keep going wrong?" he whimpered when he spotted her behind his reflection.

"Never mind, Sweetheart!" Donna commiserated, giving him a hug and a soft kiss on the head. "We can try again, can't we?"

"Why should I bother?" he sniffled in her embrace. "I only get punished for looking like him."

"Identical twins manage to live their separate lives all the time," Donna gently reminded him. "It doesn't have to go wrong."

"Yeah, I've as much right to this face as him, haven't I?" he started to feel better. "Just 'cos he had it first!"

"Technically you had it at exactly the same time, if we think in terms of your hand," Donna pointed out, as they both contemplated his right hand.

He wriggled his fingers, "You're right! It's my face too!"

"Too right it is!" she agreed. "So, what are you and your face going to do next, eh?"

He thought for a moment and rubbed his hand down his jaw. "I might grow a beard…," he mused.

Donna contemplated his face carefully, "I think that might be a good idea. Yeah, go for the full Russell Brand, eh? You can always shave it off if you end up looking more like David Bellamy!"

John's responding scowl make her shriek with laughter. "I am not _that_ old!" he tried to huff before joining in with her.

When they calmed enough, she tentatively told him, "You can still phone her if you want. I… er… made sure you'd get a good reception."

"Thanks," he gave her a wan smile. "Not sure I will now, but thanks."

"John! We'll find her, wherever she is," Donna stroked his cheek, "whoever she is. I promise."

John opened his mouth to reply, but their conversation was cut short by Teddie appearing next to them. "Mum! Uncle John! Come and see what we've come up with!"

They pulled themselves up off the floor and followed Teddie's excited form down the corridor, ready to embrace another new experience.

* * *

TBC in "Henny Penny Who"

.


	6. Henny Penny Who

**Warning:** Contains mild swear words.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they are trying to find him a girlfriend with the aid of Jack. This is a sequel to This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love.

* * *

**Henny Penny Who**

.

"Are you out of your tiny mind?" Donna stomped around their bedroom. "Who would give John over to someone like Jack?"

"What do you mean? I thought using Jack was a great idea!" protested the Doctor. "He has a wide experience in finding… erm… people."

"Exactly! Extremely wide. That's my point!" Donna glared at him. "It would be like giving a bottle of scotch to an alcoholic at Christmas!"

"No, I'm not with you," frowned the Doctor.

"John is the bottle of scotch if Jack is the alcoholic," insisted Donna.

"Oh!" the Doctor sighed with comprehension. "But John wouldn't let that happen. He's looking for a woman."

"So is Jack sometimes," Donna sat down on the bed in an effort to stop her hands from throttling the Doctor. "I don't trust him to do something to John… I'm sorry, but I just don't! He could be too big a temptation for him."

"Jack has resisted him so far. Why would he act any different now?" the Doctor mused as he sat on the bed next to Donna. He made a move to hold both her hands; an attempt to hide his concern that they might be used as weapons against him at any moment.

"Because he could control it before, but now, John is…," Donna averted her gaze instead of finishing the sentence.

The Doctor scowled as he saw a blush appear on her cheeks. "What is John now?" he asked without being able to withhold the anger in his voice.

Donna fluttered slightly before answering hesitantly, "You have to admit that John is a bit… well… gorgeous now."

"What? Because he's grown a beard?" he sneered. "How does that make him gorgeous?"

"Oh darling!" Donna tried to appease him. "Don't be so hard on him. He's trying to grab his own identity, and the beard helps with that. And it looks pretty good on him too!" She stroked his sideburns, "If I thought you'd agree, I'd suggest you tried one too, but I know how you feel about your 'look'."

The Doctor was caught between emotions. "So you think I'd look good with a beard?" he caressed her cheek.

"Oh, I know so!" she confirmed. "But I married you, not your facial hair," she kissed his jaw. "As long as you stay the same person, preferably with the same face, I'll be happy," she softly told him, before giving into the urge to kiss him properly.

"Do you know what, Mrs Donna Noble? I just might marry you!" he breathed next to her mouth.

"What again? How many more times are you going to marry me, Doctor Noble?" she carried on kissing him.

"I'm sure there are a few planets we haven't christened yet," he replied, but they both lost interest in the conversation for a while.

~o~

"Are you ready yet?" Jack shouted down the corridor from the library doorway.

"He's probably getting his hair right, Uncle Jack," Teddie informed him from his position on a settee. "He's very particular about it."

"So I've noticed," Jack replied wryly.

"Can I come with you tonight, Uncle Jack?" Jamie had appeared at Jack's side and enquired with his best beamy smile.

Jack ruffled Jamie's hair with regret, "Sorry kiddo, but you're not allowed in where we're going."

"Why's that?" asked Jamie forlornly.

"They're on the pull, Jamie. Well, Uncle John is; I'm not sure about Uncle Jack," Teddie gave Jack a little wink.

Jamie was still looking puzzled, "What sort of place are you going to where they won't let me in? I don't understand!"

Jack pulled him into a brief hug, "A place where people are drinking, dancing, and talking, all in a dark room full of loud music."

Jamie scrunched up his face in disgust, "That doesn't sound like fun! In fact, it sounds a bit boring! Won't they have any books to read, or decent lights that won't harm their eyes?"

Jack chuckled, "You are your father's son at times!" Jamie glared at him, so he added, "But in a good way, a really good way." Jamie looked content with that reply.

Jack was saved from further questions by the appearance of John in the doorway. "I'm ready!" John declared.

"Wow!" Jack gasped. "You look…"

"Is it alright?" John gave them all a little twirl.

"You look okay," Teddie told him after carefully thinking about it. "The beard works well with your new outfit."

"Do you think so?" John ran his hand down over his beard. "Not too long, or too short?"

"Nope! Just right," Jack grinned at him. "What made you go with this look?"

"It was just something Donna and Teddie came up with, to … er… get me out of the suit," admitted John shyly.

"Well, thank you Teddie!" Jack beamed at Teddie. "Remind me to thank your mother later!"

"Why, Uncle Jack?" Jamie asked innocently.

"Because she's given me plenty to work with!" Jack then laughed at Jamie's puzzled scowl.

~o~

It took them hardly any time at all to get into the nightclub Jack had chosen. It was certainly quicker than the routine Donna had dipped into; making sure John had keys, money, a phone, a hanky… Jack had almost expected her to wipe John's nose as well, she'd made such a fuss of him! At least she hadn't set a return home time, so that was a bonus!

The music had hit them as soon as they'd walked in passed the bouncers; a rhythmic pulse that they felt before they heard it properly, with primeval undertones.

"Are these places always like this?" John shouted to Jack over the sound.

"Pretty much, yes!" he replied; and led John to the bar that encircled the back wall. He ordered them both a large beer, and surveyed the room. There were quite a few potential customers; and to aid his mission, John was attracting appreciative glances from a lot of women, and a couple of the men. Jack leant in to ask John, "Seen anyone that takes your fancy?"

"Give us a chance! I haven't even sipped my beer yet!" John gave the room an embarrassed sweeping glance. "The.. erm.. blonde over there doesn't look too bad."

"Which one?" Jack could see at least six possible blondes within easy reach.

Trying desperately not to point, he whispered, "Third from the left; the one with the curls."

"Oh, her!" Jack gasped. She was not the sort he'd been expecting John to go for; but then, he reasoned, if he'd turned down Rose, his tastes must be totally different now. "Let's go into action!" Jack sauntered across to the curly blonde standing with a bunch of friends, and casually asked if she'd like to join them for a drink at the bar. John wasn't able to catch what Jack had said exactly, but it worked, and Jack smugly told John as he got back to the bar, "Smarten yourself up, John, we have some lovely company!"

The two women Jack had enticed over introduced themselves as Margot and Stephanie; Margot being the woman John had indicated earlier. He couldn't help himself, John blushed a deep red when Margot caressed the sleeve of his jacket, catching some his bare arm underneath, and sending a thrill through his system. Down South perked up again, having had a very deep slumber.

"I'm new round here," John confessed. "I'm trying to find my feet whilst living with my brother and his family."

"So you like children?" purred Margot into his ear, causing his pulse to race.

"Oh yes! The boys are wonderful!" John looked up to notice Jack giving him encouraging nods. "Do you like children?"

"Oh yes! But I plan to have plenty of fun before…," she ran her finger along his jaw, "I have any of my own."

John gulped, and had to fight the sensations she caused, wanting desperately to find out exactly how much fun she planned on offering. "So…," he squeaked and nervously rubbed the back of his neck, "what's next in your plan?"

She giggled deliciously, "I thought we could have a little alone time. What do you think?"

"I think you have some very interesting thoughts!" he breathed heavily as she rubbed herself up against him, in a completely un-pussycat way. "Do you have these sorts of thoughts often?"

"Only when I meet a man I _want_," she started to wrap her arms around his neck, and she brought her lips close to his.

She moved in time to the music that was pumping out of the sound system, her eyes dilated in the dim light, the alcohol lowered her inhibitions, and he was being hypnotised by the whole effect. "Oh yes!" he found himself replying.

"I have to warn you," she seductively stroked his beard, "I'm not a forever girl."

"Never mind," he reassured her. "Neither am I!"

She burst out laughing, and continued stroking his beard. "In that case…," she pressed her lips onto his, and he happily responded.

He plunged his hand into her hair, and fingered a curl. "Have you ever thought of dying your hair ginger?" he idly asked, as he allowed her to kiss him again.

She stepped back, stunned. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing! I was merely wondering, since you've already tried out being a blonde," he explained.

"I am not a bottle blonde!" she carefully enunciated. "And why would I want to be ginger, for goodness sake? Yuck!"

"Ginger hair is lovely!" he answered defensively. "Don't you dare diss it!"

"You know what you are?" she fumed. "A complete wanker!"

"I'm sure he didn't mean anything bad," Jack butted in and tried to placate her.

"What? Are you seriously telling me that going around telling people to dye their hair isn't bad, eh?" she turned on Jack. "I'm going where my _naturally_ blonde hair is more appreciated!" and with that she stormed off.

Having watched her depart, Jack asked John, "So what did you do this time?"

"Nothing! All I did was ask if she'd thought about dying her hair a different colour!" John defended himself.

"And what colour did you suggest? Or can I guess?" Jack grinned at him.

"I suggested 'ginger'," admitted John sheepishly.

"Hmm, that would make her hair curly and ginger… now who does that remind us of?" Jack teased.

"No one!" John insisted, then ruined it by blushing a deep red.

Jack sighed and placed his arm around John's shoulders, "What are we going to do with you, eh?"

"I've no idea," John told him, as he moved out of Jack's loose embrace. "What's Gwen like?"

"Oh no! Gwen's spoken for! She has black hair, so nowhere near ginger enough for your obvious tastes." Jack surveyed him, "This Roberta you were hung up on for a time, was she a red head too?"

"Yes, she was," John smiled despite himself. "She was gorgeous with a killer rack."

"Oh boy, you really like to make this difficult, don't you!" Jack sighed again. "Where the heck am I going to find a woman like that for you?"

"Now do you see my problem?" John huffed.

"I sure do!" agreed Jack. "Shall we just get ourselves smashed?"

"Yeah, let's!" nodded John; so they both turned back to the bar and ordered another beer.

~o~

Donna found John wasted on the library floor. He'd almost made it onto a sofa and was cuddled up on the hearthrug, sound-o. She delicately prodded him with her foot, but didn't get much of a response beyond confirming he was still alive.

"So he managed to make it home then!" the Doctor spoke from behind her.

"Looks like it," she felt John's forehead.

The Doctor handed her a cushion, which she propped under John's head and she turned to get a blanket or cover of some sort. "Do you think the boys will ever do this?" the Doctor whispered into her hair as he caught her before she could move away from him.

She leaned into his embrace, "I assume so. It's almost written in law."

"Do you think he found anyone last night?" he asked quietly.

"What apart from Jimmy Beam and Johnny Walker, I very much doubt it! If he had to get blotto then he wasn't enjoying himself. Poor love!" she looked at John affectionately. "I suppose we'll just have to keep trying."

"Do you think we're trying too hard? I mean, I didn't have to look very hard for you," he nuzzled into her neck. "Perhaps we should let the fates take over."

She threw him a concerned glare. "Fates! Pfft! Since when did you believe in them?" she smirked before kissing him.

"Can you two get a room?" came a muffled voice from somewhere near John's head. "I'm trying to sleep here, and you're making me feel sick."

"Are you nauseous, sweetheart?" Donna asked John with great concern.

"Yeah, it's all your gooeyness!" he muttered. "Go away!"

"Some people!" Donna cackled. "Just for that, you can get your own blanket!" she threatened him playfully.

John made a gesture from the floor that assured her he didn't really care; so she led the Doctor back to their bedroom for some… er… breakfast in bed.

* * *

TBC in "Did The Sky Fall In?"

.


	7. Did the Sky Fall In? part 1

**Warning:** Contains mild swear words and adult themes.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they are trying to find him a girlfriend. This is a sequel to Henny Penny Who.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love.

* * *

**Did The Sky Fall In? (1/2)**

.

Donna had let things lie for a few days after she had found John asleep, drunk on the library floor. He obviously needed time to get over that experience, and any possible alcoholic poisoning. He had had a thick head for a day and a half afterwards!

Jack had been particularly vague about what had happened, but Donna had woven her magic spell on John, and he had confessed all whilst they had shared the washing up. It was amazing how many secrets were told to dirty dishes being cleaned.

Donna had noticed a pattern so far: every disaster John had had with women happened when she wasn't looking. Maybe she should make sure she was keeping a careful eye on him when he made his next move? It couldn't do any more harm than already, surely?

So she had suggested to the Doctor that they all go out together, just the adults, and see if they could rustle up some love interest for John. The Doctor had been a bit sceptical; after all, trouble did follow him around. But the idea of taking Donna out on a date, a date that was a date, appealed to him a lot.

Donna put her idea to John as they jointly dealt with the lunchtime mess.

"John, why don't you come with us?" she playfully fluttered her eyelashes. "We could get a proper babysitter, and go out. Have an adult evening for a change. And no, before you ask, I was _not_ offering some personal services in that sentence!"

"Oh! You spoil all my fun!" he beamed wickedly at Donna. "I was going to use that joke. I'll have to think of another one now." He stopped and stared, "What exactly do you mean by 'adult' then? Should I be pleased or worried?"

"Not sure… I was thinking along the lines of a nightclub or a late-night bar; somewhere I have no intention of taking the boys unless I really really have to," she smiled. "Just somewhere child-free."

"Okay! I'm with you now. For a moment I was wondering if you meant a strip club or Stringfellows… Not sure if I could cope with a place like that with _you_ around," John confessed.

"What difference would I make? Unless you're planning to flash your bits at me again," she teased.

"Oi! Would you try and forget that ever happened? Please?" he blushed.

She giggled at his obvious discomfort, and deliberately poked her tongue out at him. "As if!" she sniggered. "It's too good to not use time and again."

"And there are times when I could cheerfully throttle you! Do you know that?" he chuckled despite himself.

"Well, I wouldn't be your sister if you didn't feel like that; comes with the territory!" she went to dab his face with the wet dishcloth, but he ducked out of the way.

"Got to be quicker than that to catch a Noble!" he grinned at her miffed expression, and grabbed some remaining bubbles from the washing up bowl.

"Oh no you don't!" she threatened.

"How you gonna stop me, sis?" he waved the offending bubbles in front of her face. "Think you can?" he suddenly pushed his hand towards her, but she caught his wrist.

"You cheeky g-…," she began, but was interrupted by the Doctor's voice.

"Having fun, are we?" the Doctor glared at them.

The bubbles dripped harmlessly onto the floor as John watched them go. "We were only messing about," he tried to explain, but he knew that look, he knew it so well.

Donna had automatically released John's wrist and was now focused on the Doctor. "Just larking about like brothers and sisters do; nothing more," she looked towards the sink and then back, "having a bubble fight. Didn't you ever have a bubble fight with someone?"

"No," the Doctor replied sternly, "never!"

"Oh, sweetheart! Why not? You have missed out on life's little pleasures, haven't you?" she rushed forward to hug him. She gave him an Eskimo kiss, and whispered, "How about we have a bubble bath later, together, and have our own bubble fight?"

He returned the hug with enthusiasm and replied softly, "I like the sound of that!"

John thought it best to sneak out and leave them to it, and headed towards his room.

~o~

"Why do I need a babysitter?" protested Teddie. "I'm quite capable of looking after myself and Jamie!"

"I'm sure you are," agreed Donna, "but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"So where are you going to ditch us?" he calmed down a bit. "It had better not be with some spotty adolescent!"

"Careful! You'll be a spotty adolescent quite soon! Though you might be lucky like I was and escape most of that hell," she smoothed her hand over his face. "Can't have anything upsetting your gorgeous face, can I?"

"Stop it, Mum!" he blushed. "Did Dad suffer from acne at all?"

"I've no idea!" she confessed. "I never thought to ask that one; I don't even know if Time Lords can suffer from acne when they are young."

"Don't worry, Mum, I'll look it up in the library later." Teddie played with the tassel on a cushion next to him on the sofa, "Mum, this babysitter… can she be quite pretty and…"

"Like I have a whole supply of such women sitting in the cupboard!" Donna snorted and laughed. "I was thinking of Nanny or perhaps Martha."

"Oh! Right!" he stammered. "Never mind then, eh?"

Donna patted his arm, "I'll see what I can do, but I'll make no promises as I don't have easy access to young women anymore since I stopped temping." She suddenly gasped, "That's it!"

"What's 'it'?" asked Teddie.

"I just realised how to get John a girlfriend!" she turned a beaming smile onto him. "I need to put him in an office of young women. They'd soon drool all over him!"

"What literally? Ew!" Teddie frowned.

"You daft beggar!" Donna swatted his arm playfully. "They're not like Pavlov's dogs!"

"Dogs?" giggled Teddie.

"Oi! Watch it, mister!" she chided him. She began to sweep her gaze around the room, "Now, where did I put my diary with that phone number in it?" With that, she disappeared out of the room.

~o~

"Donna!" whined John. "Do I really have to do this?"

"No, I suppose not! You could always spend the rest of your life in a monastery pretending you have no sex drive," she adjusted his tie.

"Ha ha, you are _so_ funny!" he pouted. "I think you secretly like torturing me."

"You know, when you pout like that you look just like Jamie," she gave him the once-over.

"Don't you mean he looks like me?" John checked himself in the mirror.

"Whatever!" She caught his eye, "Have you got everything? Phone, wallet, glasses, hanky,… apple for the teacher?"

He pulled a face, "So help me… if you ask me _one_ more time…!"

"Yeah yeah," she did a little 'speaky voice' action with her hand. "Just be nice to everybody, will you? 'Cos you never know who you are talking to."

"I'm always nice to people!" he objected. "I can't help it if some people take me the wrong way."

"And there's a joke in there that I'm refusing to make," she smirked. "Come on then, let's get this show on the road."

~o~

"Hello, I'm John Noble; I believe you are expecting me," he informed the receptionist. She checked through her list, nodded at him, went through the security blurb and told somebody on the 5th floor he was being sent up.

He walked out of the lift and turned left, as instructed, and made his way to the desk of a flustered looking blonde woman. "I'm so sorry, but I'm having to cover for Nicky until she gets back tomorrow… erm… John, wasn't it? Well, you'll be the responsibility of Jim while you're here, but you'll get to meet lots of people around the building no doubt!" she gave him a really dodgy laugh as she led him through the desks and stopped in front of a depressingly grey-coloured door. She knocked on it and immediately opened it, "Jim? John has arrived from the agency!" John had barely time to thank her before she ran off to whence she came.

Jim sighed before extended his hand for John to shake, "I hope for your sake you know your way around a computer because I'm sick of the agency sending me no-hopers!"

John gave him his best smile, "I'll try not to disappoint you then! What do you want me to do first?"

"Ooh! You're keen! Here, you can deal with this," he handed John a fault report document, "she is driving me up the wall! She is never happy!"

"Is there anything I need to know first?" John read the report quickly.

"Nope!" Jim shuffled through his papers. "Any software updates you need are in that holder there," he pointed at a case, "new discs are in there," he pointed at a tall cabinet, "along with pens and stuff; and I'll meet you back here for coffee at 10.30!"

John found the office of Megan Dickson quite easily. He hesitantly knocked on her open door, and gave a small cough, "I understand you reported a fault?"

Megan swivelled in her office chair and swept her gaze up him in a most distasteful manner, "At least they've sent me a man and not a boy this time."

'Do they employ boys now?' he wondered, but felt it best to keep that question to himself for the time being. Instead he asked, "Where do you want me to start?"

"By not taking me for an idiot!" she retorted. "My computer won't let me access my documents. Can you fix it?"

"Sure!" he beamed confidently. "Shouldn't take me long!"

"I don't care how long it takes you, I just want it fixed," she tried to pin him with a glare, but she was nowhere near Donna's standards in that field, so he shrugged nonchalantly and switched his attention to her computer screen.

"Ah! I see," he said to himself, as he traced through virus scans, histories and directories. He could have finished in half the time, but he was enjoying himself examining the operating system and making mental notes to amuse the Doctor with later. He wrote a small subroutine to ensure the problem never happened again, and then turned to Megan with a grin. "Done!" he proclaimed proudly, "Shouldn't give you any more trouble now!"

"Have you really fixed it, or are you just fobbing me off?" she demanded.

He did his best guppy-fish impression for a few seconds before regaining control of his facial muscles, "All fixed, I promise you!"

"Who shall I ask for when it goes wrong again?" she tried out a smile in his direction.

"I'm John; John Noble," he went to stick out his hand but caught himself when he realised that she wasn't about to reciprocate.

"Well, John Noble, let's hope you are as good as you think you are," she swivelled in her chair with a motion that clearly said 'bugger off'; so John made to leave.

He was immediately accosted by a young dark-haired woman who grabbed his arm. "Are you the new IT guy?" she asked him, "Only, I've got a problem I need you for."

"Oi! Leah! Don't keep him all to yourself!" an older blonde woman shouted across at her. "We all would like a look in!"

A woman to her right cackled in agreement as a man in a light grey suit gave John a conspiratol smile, "You'll have your work cut out with this lot!"

John wondered what the heck that meant as Leah guided him towards her desk. There wasn't much wrong with Leah's computer that a quick virus scan couldn't deal with; but he was beginning to suspect that that was the point. No wonder Donna had been so keen for him to come here! He allowed himself to be called over by several women as the day progressed; and he quickly learnt the names of almost half the female employees, and a surprising amount of the men's.

When he handed in his paperwork to Jim at the end of the day Jim seemed quite pleased with him. "Well well well, look who it is! The man who finally made Ms Dickson happy," Jim greeted him.

"Did I? How did I do that?" John couldn't help asking.

"She just phoned down to compliment you," Jim nodded towards the phone, and John resisted the urge to point out that he had seen one before. "First time she's ever done that! Well done lad!"

John felt that was a bit rich considering Jim couldn't be any older than 40, but kept quiet. Both Donna and the Doctor had lain down the law about making this job successful to the point of threatening to move his stuff to Sylva's. Now, he quite liked the idea of living with Sylvia, but he knew which side his bread was buttered; and he would miss being on the TARDIS enormously.

Instead of the jibe he felt like making, John smiled amicably and set off for home in a good mood.

.


	8. Did the Sky Fall In? part 2

**Warning:** Contains mild swear words and adult themes.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they are trying to find him a girlfriend. This is a sequel to Henny Penny Who.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love.

* * *

**Did The Sky Fall In? (2/2)**

.

When John got back to the TARDIS Donna was looking decidedly clean; and he couldn't help the smirk that played about his lips. "Have a nice bath, did you?" he delighted in the blush that greeted his question.

"It was quite nice, thank you," she answered cautiously. She tried out a glare when he laughed, but he was in too good a mood to completely stop smiling.

When the Doctor appeared rubbing at his hair with a towel John couldn't hold in another laugh. "What? What did I do?" the Doctor was obviously confused.

Donna took the Doctor's spare hand in hers, "Nothing, Spaceman, nothing at all. Now what do you fancy for dinner; and careful how you answer that one in front of John. He's in a funny mood."

"Funny weird or funny ha ha?" the Doctor asked.

"I'd say a bit of both. Now…," she ran her hands over his chest, "what does my big strong boy…," she threw an evil look at John as he guffawed behind her, "want to do after dinner?"

"I can't take this anymore," John stuttered through a fit of the giggles. "Big strong boy indeed! I'll go put the kettle on…"

The Doctor watched him retreat and waited until John was definitely out of earshot before asking, "What did you have to go and say that for? And in front of him too?"

"Like you have any secrets from him!" she scoffed at his pout. She placed her arms around his neck, "I hope you aren't going to punish me too harshly?" She caressed his ears and added a little eyelash flutter at the end.

"You little minx! You know exactly what you're doing to me!" he nipped at her neck. "I may have to think up something very special."

"Don't forget to save some 'special' for our date tomorrow," she murmured into his kiss.

"So.. erm.. about this date," he asked, "where exactly are we going?"

~o~

John entered Jim's office the following morning in a reasonable mood. The receptionist in the main foyer had winked at him for some reason, but it had made him feel good.

"Look who's the popular one!" Jim smirked at him. "All these fault reports have requested for you to deal with them personally."

"All of them?" John contemplated the large pile of papers Jim had just handed him. "But this suggests there was a major server problem overnight!"

"Or a sudden attack of raging hormones," Jim said drily. Jim looked him up and down, "Can't quite see the appeal myself."

John felt himself blush to the tips of his ears and didn't trust his voice to give away his unease, so he took the offered pile of fault reports and made his way out of Jim's office as quickly as he could. It didn't help that Jim chose that moment to burst out laughing either.

The first fault he turned up to deal with was a brunette called Allison. "I don't know what's happened but it keeps flashing me!" she wailed.

When he checked her computer for the offending flashing it transpired that the firewall had been turned off. With a click of a mouse and a quick virus scan, her computer was happy to carry on its merry way. "There you go! All sorted," he told Allison triumphantly.

He didn't feel so triumphant when Allison squeezed his arm as if he were a prized piece of beef, or a crusty loaf now that he thought about it. "Ooh!" she squealed. "Let me treat you to a cup of coffee!"

"I'd rather a cup of tea," he heard himself reply automatically, and mentally kicked himself. He'd be accused of sexual harassment if he wasn't careful here. "But I'll come back later for it; after I've done a few more jobs, if that's alright?"

"Sure!" Allison agreed. "I'll be right here, ready and waiting."

Now that was a loaded statement, he thought as he headed off for the next fault on his list.

In fact the next seven reported faults on his list happened to be firewalls that had been accidentally turned off. He was beginning to think there was a conspiracy! And all of the reportees were similar to Allison, greeting him as if he were a minor celebrity. He considered checking up on The Daily Mail website later to see if there was someone similar to him in the news. Oh, hang on… was it the Russell Brand look thing coming back to haunt him? Did they really think he was Russell Brand? Surely not! Still, there were worse people he could look like.

After a coffee break, cautiously taken in Jim's office and well away from the several offers he'd received that morning and secretly feared offending, John made his way to Mrs Myers office. With relief he saw a comely middle-aged woman open the door to his knock. "Hello, I'm John… you reported a computer fault?" he greeted her appearance.

"Oh thank goodness!" she let him in, "It's been doing funnies!"

He was tempted to quip that clown costumes were an optional extra, but yet again he thought better of it, and praised himself for his self-control. "Soon have it back to normal," he told her as he merely turned it off and on again, but pretended it was a much worse problem.

"I suppose you always get these problems with your wife?" Mrs Myers asked him.

"What, doing funnies? No, I'm not married," he stated as he played about with the display settings.

"Not made an honest woman of her yet then?" Mrs Myers pressed.

"Who?" he asked distractedly. "No, I haven't even got a girlfriend."

"No girlfriend? Why ever not? A big strapping man like you needs someone," she moved closer, in what he hoped was a morally-supporting way.

"I'm afraid not! No one will have me," he burst out before realising his mistake.

"Oh you poor thing!" she exclaimed and hugged him to her matronly bosom. He tried to wriggle free but she was determined to keep him there.

"Mrs Myers! Please!" he protested from his position far too close to her cleavage.

"Call me Trisha, everybody else does," she tried to soothe him, but it would seem her embrace was having the opposite effect.

"Trisha!" he broke free and came up for air. "I appreciate the… erm… whatever this is, but I…"

"You naughty boy!" she waggled her eyebrows at him. He couldn't believe she'd actually waggled her eyebrows at him! And she then put a finger to her lips and did a 'shushing' noise! "Mum's the word!"

He'd thought the appropriate word was 'bugger!', but he wasn't prepared to argue the toss at that moment. "No, you don't understand! I'm not… I don't…," he stumbled for the right words to reject her advances.

"Oh!" her expression fell. "You bat for the other team! I'm so sorry! I didn't realise. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."

What? He was being mistaken for being gay again? What was it with women? Either they expected you to fancy them like crazy, or you fancied men! Was it not possible to be just friends like Donna and the Doctor? Except that wasn't true, so may be…. His head began to hurt!

"Let's just keep this as a secret between us two for the time being if you don't mind, Trisha," he tried out what he hoped was his sincerest smile; and then legged it as soon as he could.

Back in the freedom of the corridor, he glanced down at the next fault report, and his heart slightly died when he saw it was Megan Dickson. What the heck was wrong now? He'd left her computer in perfect condition yesterday. He ambled up to her office.

"Ah! Ms Dickson! How can I help you?" he gave her his best helpful grin.

"I seem to be having a particularly aggravating problem, John," she smiled at him, sounding suspiciously like she had a cold coming. John blinked; did she actually smile at him then?

"What's it doing now? Only a lot of computers seem to have a firewall problem today," he told her as he made his way over to sit in front of her terminal.

She leant over him to point at a something on the screen; the same type of leaning everybody else had been doing that day. He made a mental note to ask the Doctor to check him out for any abnormal magnetism in his body. He shook himself mentally when he realised what exactly she was pointing at. "Oh that! That's merely an unwanted pop up! I can get rid of those easily!" he managed to hold back the snort of derision he wanted to give her. And she'd told him yesterday she wasn't an idiot!

The front of her jacket brushed against his cheek and he found himself completely distracted for a nanosecond. "I don't know how you do it, John. You are a wonder!" she breathed heavily in his ear.

"You need some vitamin C," he told her blankly.

"What?" she looked stunned for a second.

"For that cold you've got coming. Vitamin C will help keep it in check," he informed her. He looked around her office, "Is there anything else you need me for?"

"You don't do back massages by any chance, do you?" she purred. Was she actually purring at him? Blimey this was getting complicated!

"I… er… I don't have that much experience, to be honest," he faltered, as she continued to lean over him and placed her hands on his shoulders. He stood suddenly, taking himself clean out of her hands, "Right! I'd better get on with my assignments. Loads to do before home time!"

Oops! Those were fatal words. Any moment now 'the' question was coming. "What are you doing this evening then?" she asked, trying for innocence. Yep! There was 'the' question!

"I'm… er… I mean… we are going out to a club," he stammered.

"We?" she questioned softly.

Not another oops surely? And she didn't think that was an invite, did she? "My brother and… and his wife… we're all going out tonight. They're having a date that's a proper date…," he trailed off when he noticed her confused expression.

"They're on a date and you're playing gooseberry, eh? Tsk tsk!" she shook a finger at him, and he had no idea what she was on about.

"Oh, they're used to me being around… hasn't stopped them in the past from slobbering all over each other," he chuckled, and halted when her expression changed to shocked. "Not that I deliberately watch or anything… they just happen to…," he made a move for the door.

"I think I'd like to meet this brother of yours," she did that smiling thing again.

He tried to control the angry response he immediately felt. Why did everybody want to meet the Doctor? It wasn't fair! "Perhaps you will," he didn't promise, and he finally managed to get out of the room.

He ignored the next name on his list and made straight for the gents to get some peace and quiet. He pulled out his phone and rang Donna's number. "Donna?" he asked in desperation as she answered. "They won't leave me alone!" he whined. "They keep grabbing at me and making lewd suggestions. How do I make them stop?"

"What do you mean 'grabbing'?" he could hear her winding up into an angry rant on the other end of the line. "Are they harassing you? Have they physically touched you inappropriately? Do you need me to come down there and sort them out?"

"Erm… I don't think so. Nothing beyond annoying and too much attention so far, with a twist of naughtiness," he admitted. "Though some old girl tried to cuddle me to death!"

"I bet she did!" Donna snorted. "Look, Sweetheart, if you are uncomfortable being there we'll forget the whole matter. Then again it might be them reacting to having a decent bloke around to look at for a change and they'll calm down after a few days. You never know. It's up to you; whatever you decide I'll support you."

"Thank you, Donna. I don't know what I'd do without you!" he mumbled. Then they both chorused "Buy a whippet!" and giggled together. "You make me feel so much better!" he told her, "I'm going to try lasting out the day. I think I can manage that much."

"Good!" she replied. "Now don't fret, and I'll see you later?" She blew a kiss down the phone and hung up.

His good mood revived, he headed out of the gents towards… he looked at his next fault report… Christina, and hoped that she at least wasn't only interested in his body.

* * *

TBC in "What Happened to the Acorn?"

.


	9. What Happened to the Acorn?

**Warning:** Contains mild swear words and adult themes.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they are trying to find him a girlfriend in a nightclub. This is a sequel to Did The Sky Fall In?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love; and the club I made up.

* * *

**What Happened to the Acorn?**

.

"Well, how did it go?" Donna greeted John anxiously. "Do I need to make my presence felt tomorrow, or have those strumpets learnt their lesson?"

"It didn't turn out too bad after I spoke to you," he gave her a small shy smile. "I met Christina, and she was like a breath of fresh air after all that other nonsense."

"Did she leave her guide dog at home then?" asked a voice from under the console.

"Oi! Watch it you! Don't go 'round dissing my brother!" Donna huffed, but she gave away her true feelings by winking at John.

"He's my brother too!" replied the voice indignantly.

"Then try and remember that and act accordingly!" she barked at him. "And why are you down there anyway? We're supposed to be going out soon!"

The Doctor's head emerged to berate her, "I heard you the first time you asked that one thirty seven minutes ago! Doesn't make these repairs any less important if you shout at me like that!"

"Oh really? Will you feel differently about it when I bugger off out with John or kick you out of bed later?" Donna visibly reddened in anger as her fists clenched.

"Now, my darling Donna," the Doctor brought the whole of his body out from under the grating, "there's no need to be so hasty. I'm sure we can come to a reasonable conclusion."

"Reasonable for who? Certainly not for me! Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with you," she gave a little sniff and gave off an air of dejection. "What do you think, John?"

"Oh no!" he shied away. "I can't even get my own love-life off the ground, so I'm definitely not interfering with yours!" But Donna being so forlorn tugged at his heartstrings. "Come on, let's go get ourselves a cup of tea," he went to take her hand.

The Doctor's hand beat him to it, "We'll all go together. I could do with a break."

"You carry on treating me like that and it's you that will break," Donna threatened the Doctor. "And don't try and throw me off by tickling my wrist," she let out a reluctant giggle.

"What? You mean like this?" he lightly stroked his fingers along her lower arm. "Oh I'm ever so sorry. Does it tickle?" he grinned wickedly at her.

"You know full well it flipping does," she tried to pull her hand back before shrieking with laughter. "Bloody Martian tactics!"

"Now now, children! Play nicely!" John mockingly chided them before jumping out of the way of a potential swat on the bottom from the Doctor. "Ooh cheeky!"

"I don't believe it," the Doctor shook his head in pretend agitation, "I'm getting it in flipping stereo now!"

"Quadrasonic if you count the boys," pointed out Donna unhelpfully.

~o~

A couple of hours later, the boys had been left safely with Sylvia, who elatedly started to try and feed them all up. With promises to return no later than 2am, the TARDIS trio set off into London's clubland.

As they entered the Bush Tucker Club, there was an enthusiastic rendition of 'I Will Survive' being performed on the stage.

They easily found a table big enough for the three of them and bought a drink. "What is that woman wearing?" the Doctor squinted at the cabaret performer.

"'She' is wearing sequins. Anybody would think you'd never seen that parrot look before," Donna rolled her eyes.

"A bit Dana International, isn't it?" John observed. "It could be a good look on you!"

"Do you think?" the Doctor chuckled as he contemplated his suit. "Nuh! I'll stick with this, if it's all the same to you!"

"Are you sure?" teased Donna, giving him a cheeky smile over the top of her large glass of Pimms. "The feathers could easily be incorporated."

"Oi! I'll feather you… which sounds quite a good idea now that I've said it!" he waggled his eyebrows at her.

Donna leant over and whispered in his ear a promise pertaining to a feather boa later, and his face lit up delightedly. John gave a cough, and whined, "I thought we had come here partly for my benefit?"

She patted his knee, "And we did; but I'm also here on a date remember, so I'll behave exactly how I feel like, so don't start!" Donna laughed at his sulky expression and pinched his cheek, "Poor diddums!"

John glared at her in response, and spoke slowly, "I am not a child."

"You forget… you'll always be my little brother to me, no matter how old you are or look." She patted his cheek instead, "Doesn't mean I don't love you."

He grinned back at her, "That's alright then! So, where do I start tonight… about the girlfriend finding bit?"

"Oh that?" she looked around the room, and spotted some potential girls across the room who happened to be heading for the toilets. "I think I see someone who might be a possible," she stood up. "Keep my drink cold for me, and I'll go see if I can catch their attention," and she wended her way through the tables to the toilets too.

John and the Doctor exchanged a look. "Do you come here often?" John asked him awkwardly.

The Doctor laughed, "Nope! All this is new territory for me!"

"So we're learning together?" John felt quite relieved that he wasn't the only one feeling nervous sitting there.

"Yeah. But at least I've pulled!" the Doctor replied smugly. They chuckled together and companionably drank their beers.

"I do not believe it!" John exclaimed in a low hiss.

"Why? What's the matter?" the Doctor hastily swept his expert gaze around the room. "What have you seen?"

"It's not a 'what' it's a 'who'," pouted John, as he consoled himself with another sip of his beer.

"Okay. _Who_ have you seen that beggars belief?" the Doctor scowled at him.

John tried not to move his head, "Her! Her in the orange top."

"Shouldn't that be almost in the orange top?" chuckled the Doctor.

John quickly glanced round, "Now that you say it, yeah, it is a bit… erm… lacking in substance." He took a gulp of his beer, "Oh bugger! She's coming over here." As an orange-top-wearing woman sidled drunkenly up to them he plastered on his best smile. "Hello… erm… Megan wasn't it?"

"Hello handsome," she slurred as she made to grab him round the neck.

"Hello! I'm the Doctor!" the Doctor beamed at her in amusement. "I see you know my brother."

"You're who?" Megan visibly did a double take. "You're the brother! I've heard about you! You're the one with the wife he watches! Or was it you and her he watches?" she was in an extremely puzzled state. "He watches somebody anyway," she finished on a hiccup.

"Megan, I think you ought to sit down," John tried to throw a 'drunks, eh?' look over her head at the Doctor, hoping against hope that she wouldn't be the cause of him turning up at work the following day with a broken nose or a black eye.

"Thanks, Johnny!" she trilled, and plonked herself down on his lap, much to his evident embarrassment. "What you drinking?" she asked and nicked a slug of his beer. "I needed that! Been parched all evening," she adjusted her position on John. "Where's this wife of yours?" she pointed at the Doctor. "Poor woman needs to be let out once in a while; especially without a brother and his keeper!" she guffawed loudly at her own joke.

"Oh, she'll be right back, any moment now. She'll be delighted to meet you!" he smirked in anticipation.

"Really?" Megan crawled towards the Doctor. "Do you think she'd let me borrow you for a couple of hours; for… for… some personal whatsernaming?" she leered at him.

"Megan! No!" John warned her.

"What? What's a matter with you? I'm only being friendly!" her hand travelled down his chest, and he caught it before it got any lower. "Surely you wouldn't mind sharing me with your lovely brother!" she went to kiss him but John moved his lips out of her way. "Oh come on! Don't be a sourpuss! I'm sure you've shared other things in the past," she told him in her best sultry voice.

"That's enough!" he pushed her away roughly.

"Megan, I think you should leave now," the Doctor told her icily.

"Frightened wifey-poos will find out about us, are you?" she mocked him in a childish voice. "What's she going to do to me?" She threw her hands up in mock horror.

"Punch your bloody lights out if you don't shift your bony arse away from my husband!" exploded Donna, grabbing Megan by the scruff of the neck. She pulled Megan's head back to look her in the face, and then exclaimed, "You! Megan Dickson!"

"Well if it isn't the infamous Donna Noble!" Megan snickered. "Fancy meeting you in a place like this! A bit posh for you, eh, way too far from the caravan site, isn't it?"

"You bitch!" spat out Donna. "Still trying to nick anything that isn't nailed down, I see!" She let go of Megan with a contemptuous gesture.

"Do you know her, Donna?" John was considering which one needed the most protection in this scenario.

"Oh yes! Miss high-and-mighty here loves to steal things from me… clothes, books, jobs… men!" Donna grimaced at Megan.

"I never took a man that didn't want to be taken from you, you silly fat cow!" Megan went to lunge at Donna, but John stepped in at the right moment, preventing the attack.

"What did you say to my wife?" the Doctor gave her his Oncoming Storm impression; and Megan wilted.

Donna tried to appease him as he advanced on Megan, "She didn't mean it! Look! She's completely out of her head. She always was as soft as s-…"

He blinked at Donna, his anger abating as she caressed his torso. "Talk about under the thumb!" Megan made a final jibe, before John picked her up bodily, threatening to chuck her out the door; he stomped over and deposited her on the other side of the room where her friends had worriedly watched.

"I'm so sorry," Donna soothed the Doctor tearfully. "I forgot such people existed here." She used both hands to caress his neck, and softly kissed him, "She's just some old work colleague, no-one important, just a blip on our date and nothing else. Do you… do you fancy a dance?"

The Doctor eyed the tiny dancefloor where a few couples were smooching, "Go on then, you've talked me into it."

John watched them go onto the dancefloor and wrap themselves around each other, and fought back the pang of jealousy. Oh how he wished he had someone he could dance like that with!

He drank the last of his beer and considered the empty glass thoughtfully before getting up to go back to the bar to buy another round of drinks. As he stood, there was a commotion from the table next to him. The 'parrot' woman was telling a man where to stick his bottle of champagne, and the man tried to stop her from walking away.

The 'parrot' woman stumbled, whirled round, and grabbed John from behind in an effort to stay upright. "Watch where you're going, pal!" the woman gruffly told a flabbergasted John.

As John turned to admonish the gruff woman who held onto his waist without an invitation he found himself staring into eyes that he recognised from the office. "You!" John breathed in astonishment. It was the grey-suited bloke who sat near Allison.

"Yeah, it's me! Do you think you could keep quiet about this tomorrow?" he asked. It was hard to tell if he was blushing underneath all that makeup, but John assumed he was.

"Sure!" John readily agreed. "As long as you give us another rendition of 'I Will Survive'?"

"Seeing as it's you, okay, mate!" he beamed.

"We love your outfit by the way. Do you do any Abba?" John asked hopefully.

"Do I?" this earned John another glowing grin. "I LOVE Abba!"

John and 'parrot' woman sat happily discussing Abba and other groups for almost the rest of the evening, while Donna and the Doctor danced, and the bloke on the table behind them glowered.

* * *

TBC in "Did He Huff Or Puff?"

.


	10. Did He Huff or Puff?

**Warning:** Contains mild swear words and adult themes.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they are trying to find him a girlfriend after a night out. This is a sequel to What Happened to the Acorn?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love; and the work colleagues.

* * *

**Did He Huff Or Puff?**

.

Sylvia placed a mug of tea and a plate of toast in front of John the following morning. "Did you enjoy yourself after all, Sweetheart?" she barely resisted caressing his shoulder.

"Oh Sylvia, I wish you could have been there!" John beamed at her. "We had such fun!"

"Can I come with you next time, Uncle John?" Jamie gave John his best puppy-dog eyes blink. "I promise to be good."

John let Jamie snuggle into his embrace, "Sorry Squeaks, but it's not a place for little boys like you. I'll take you somewhere else special soon, okay?"

"But I want to see your new friend in the feathery dress!" Jamie pouted, and Sylvia visibly melted as she ruffled his hair.

"I think your mum took some photos on her phone. Shall we ask her when she gets here?" John picked up his mug of tea carefully, so as not to spill any on Jamie, and took a sip.

"Where is Mummy?" Jamie gave him a thoughtful scowl.

"Still in bed with your dad," John made a grab for Jamie as he tried to jump off his lap. "But don't disturb them… they're having a lie in."

"Why? Daddy hates sleeping in bed for too long. I normally have to go and give Mummy a cuddle to keep her warm," Jamie informed him.

"Mummy made daddy promise to keep her warm this morning so that you could keep Nanny company," John lied.

"She did?" Jamie didn't look convinced at all. "She didn't tell me!"

"That's why she told me to tell you. Mummy forgot last night," the lies just rolled off his tongue so easily he was astounded. Perhaps his future was in sales?

"Jamie, have you finished your breakfast?" Sylvia started to fill the sink up with hot water to clean the breakfast things.

"Yes thank you, Nanny." He carried over his plate and mug, and returned to pick up Teddie's plate.

"Uncle John?" began Teddie as he finished his tea, "Why didn't you find a girlfriend last night? I mean, you found time to chat to that office friend of yours, so why didn't you chat up someone?"

"I don't really know," John wiped his hand down his face thoughtfully. "I didn't see anyone I liked enough, to be honest."

"Why don't you just ask someone, anyone, out? Treat it as practise? Or do you have to find a wife the first time?" Teddie pinned him to the seat with his inquisition.

John laughed, "I don't have to find 'the one' straight off, but… I can't seem to summon up the enthusiasm to play the field."

"What? A nice boy like you ought to be out with a girl every night of the week!" Sylvia chimed in from her washing up bowl. "It isn't healthy staying in night after night like you do."

"But we're normally out during the day, it's not like I'm living the life of a hermit," John argued.

Sylvia dried her hands on a tea towel and came to sit next to him, "Yes, I know, but you're living like a married man and you're still single! You should be more carefree." She swept some stray hair out of his eyes, "You need a young lady to keep you company."

"He's got us, Nanny!" Jamie told her indignantly. "We don't leave him alone." He came back and sat next to his brother.

"Yes, I had noticed that," Sylvia sighed. "Your poor uncle needs some time on his own. You'll understand one day." She turned in her seat, opened a drawer in the sideboard, and retrieved an address book. "How about I arrange for you to meet my friend Jean's daughter? She's a lovely girl! Works in the day nursery on the corner opposite the library," Sylvia beamed at John hopefully.

"Oh… erm… I'm not sure," John stammered. "Blind dates don't tend to go very well for me."

"Does any date, Sweetheart?" Sylvia couldn't help asking.

"Oi! I've had my moments," John defended himself. "Most of them back in Pete's world admittedly…"

"Yeah, with Roberta!" snickered Teddie. "The phantom redhead!"

"You little ratbag," John whirled on him, "she certainly did exist!"

"Too right she did! We've only got your word for it," Teddie dipped out of the way of a playful swat from John. "But seriously, Uncle John, if she existed in the alternate world shouldn't she exist here too?"

"You know, you might be right…," John thought for a second, then leant forward, gripped Teddie's head and planted a kiss on his forehead with a 'mwar', "you might be completely right!"

Teddie blushed crimson, "Just trying to help."

Sylvia squeezed his arm, "Well done, Teddie! Clever boy!"

"Now all I have to do is find her," John said wistfully.

"Good job you work with computers then, Uncle John," Teddie informed him brightly. "There's miles of information on computers!"

"I can see why your mum kept you!" John happily replied, and finished his tea with one gulp.

~o~

"Had a heavy night?" Jim handed John his fault assignments and noticed the tired expression he wore.

"Yeah, you could say that," John replied, carefully staying vague.

"Never mind! I'm sure your fan club down on the 3rd floor with help ease you back into the real world." Jim stood up and closed his office door, "By the way… heard about your little problem yesterday with Megan Dickson. Try and keep on the right side of her, for goodness sake! She tries to make my life a living hell as it is!"

"You heard?" John's brain raced through all the scenarios that could result from his problem with her yesterday.

"Yes! It's not often she goes for someone in the IT department like that. Next time just pretend you know how to do a back massage, okay?" Jim winked at him.

"Back massage? Oh yes, I'm with you now! I thought you meant…," but luckily Sarah from upstairs chose that moment to pop her head around the door and call Jim off to a heads of department meeting. John picked up his pile of fault reports from where he'd briefly placed them and headed towards the 7th floor.

~o~

Back down on the 3rd floor, John had a surprise waiting for him. "Did you really kiss Megan Dickson last night?" Leah magically appeared by John's side and grasped his forearm. "Are you two an item now?"

"Certainly not!" scoffed John, trying to keep the rest of him out of her clutches. "And she kissed me, not the other way round!"

"So you don't fancy her?" Leah shyly blushed. "You might be interested in someone else then?"

"Oh I'm definitely interested in someone else!" he smiled at her and then instantly regretted it as he realised that his words might be misinterpreted. "Not that I'm saying _who_ I'm interested in… or even if she…," he vaguely waved his hand about, "works here."

Leah gave his chest a playful push, "Go on with you! You can tell me! I know everybody here."

"Leave him alone, Leah. You'll make Allison jealous!" sniggered a male voice from behind them.

John turned to be greeted by a very plain-looking ex-parrot woman, "Hello again! Almost didn't recognise you for a moment!" He noticed Leah looking at him with open interest, but chose to ignore the question on her face. "My brother tried out that piece of music you recommended, by the way; he said it worked a treat!"

"Did she do the…?" John was asked keenly, accompanied with a twirling motion of the fingers.

"Oh yes!" John confirmed. "He was _very_ happy. That's between you, me and the bedpost." They both laughed together, leaving Leah looking very blank.

"Ben? You're wanted!" Sarah called out across the office. And John's new friend waved him goodbye as he went off to his meeting.

"How come you're friends with Ben?" Leah couldn't wait to ask him.

"Oh, well… the usual… you know," John answered noncommittally.

"And he's recommending music to your family?" Leah tried to wheedle information out of him.

"We seem to bring out that quality in people somehow, especially him!" confessed John.

"Does he give off a trustworthy vibe, like a doctor?" she pressed.

"You have no idea," he muttered. "Right then!" he clapped his hands, "This won't get the baby bathed! People to see, places to go…" 'People to avoid' he thought.

"Do you have to go yet?" Leah made another grab for his arm, but this time he was prepared and ducked away from her.

"'Fraid so! But I'll be back, no doubt; and you still owe me a coffee!" he gave her a small wink as a consolation, and strode off in the direction of the lift.

Leah did a slight swoon behind his back and mouthed "I love you" to his retreating figure.

"Oi! I saw him first!" Allison softly chided her.

"I think you'll find _I_ saw him first. And I'm willing to fight you for him," Leah retorted; and they giggled in a fangirly way.

~o~

John was sitting eating his lunch in the canteen area, quite amiably with Jim, when he was accosted for the final time that day. The person in question was one Megan Dickson.

He'd been anticipating this little scene, and knew she would go for maximum publicity. Some background information from Donna had provided that snippet of usefulness. Megan had sat herself down next to him without a by your leave, and continued by glaring openly at him despite Jim's obvious discomfort.

"So?" she started the conversation that was playing in her head.

"What can I do for you this time Megan? Only, I have to remind you, under union rules, that I am entitled to a lunchbreak," he told her calmly.

Jim paled, but Megan totally ignored his presence at the table. "You don't feel the need to manhandle me then? Do you always go around treating women like that? You had no right to pick me up and toss me to the side like that!" she fumed at him.

"If you remember correctly, Megan, I was rescuing you from the anger of my brother after you had propositioned him in front of his wife and insulted her in every way possible," he took a breath. "If you had rather been physically assaulted by him than removed from the scene by me, then I do apologise," he spoke calmly to deflate her anger and give her no ammunition to use against him.

"Her! She's no better than the crap on the sole of my shoe!" Megan's fury hadn't deflated very much. "She doesn't deserve to get a man like him, she's just a… a…"

"What is she just, Megan?" he felt icy waves of anger rage through him. "You've no idea what you're talking about, or who she is."

"Oh, I see," Megan began to mock him in self-defence, "You've either got the hots for her yourself or nobody is allowed to touch your precious brother! Which one is it?"

"If this is your idea of making a play for me, well, to be frank with you, it totally stinks!" he stared at her coldly. "Next time, try not to slag off my family, will you?"

"Why, you arrogant bastard!" she sneered and shot out her hand to slap him hard; but he deftly caught it and stilled her movements.

"I believe you were about to go elsewhere," he pointedly said to her, and let go of her wrist.

She made a play of rubbing the offended wrist, and tried glaring at him again, "If you think you'll get a permanent position in this company after this then you'd better think again!"

"That's fine by me, Megan. But I'm worried about you, you need help," he continued to act unfazed by her behaviour.

"Yes, help to get you kicked out of Thompson's for good, you puffed up, irritating little…," she cranked up her rage.

"Now now! People will think you don't love me anymore," he smiled at her without any warmth. "And we were getting on so swimmingly!"

With an "Ooo-rr!" she stormed away from him and the rest of her audience.

"Was it something you said?" Jim asked him drily.

"I've no idea," John replied as he ate the last bit of his sandwich. "But she seemed a bit upset."

* * *

TBC in "Blow Your House Down"

.


	11. Blow Your House Down

**Warning:** Contains a mild swear word and adult themes. It makes a reference to my fic Did The Sky Fall In?.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they are trying to find him a girlfriend after a night out. He seems to have gotten himself a date! This is a sequel to Did He Huff Or Puff?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love; and the work colleagues.

* * *

**Blow Your House Down**

.

"Tell me again what you said to her exactly," Donna grinned across the dinner table at John.

"Stop it!" John blushed. "You're making me feel like a film star!"

"I can't help it if I'm impressed with you!" she chortled. "She definitely had it coming; she certainly didn't deserve you so I'm glad you got shot of her!"

"Are you sure your past experiences with her haven't coloured that opinion just a teensy bit?" he teased her.

"Oh no! The thought of that…," she checked over her shoulder to see if any little ears were listening, and mouthed the word 'bitch' at him, "getting her talons into my little brother sends shivers down my spine. And she had the cheek to try and nab my husband right in front of me! I know all too well how gorgeous the pair of you are, but… I wanted to tear her apart limb by limb!" She patted him on the arm, "You weren't that hung up on her, were you?"

"Not at all! She was too forward for my tastes, and nowhere near…," his voice trailed off as his blush increased.

"Near what?" Donna pounced on the means to quiz him again with the added addition of a possible tease. "Near Bognor? Near the door? Near her retirement pension?"

"Stop it!" he quietly begged. "Do I have to spell it out?"

"Afraid so, Bubbers, or I'll never know what you mean," she smirked.

"I wish you wouldn't call me 'Bubbers'," he pouted.

"Why? It suits you perfectly! I don't know what you are complaining about," she moaned. "Bubbers covers 'baby brother' quite well I thought."

"Yeah, thought you did," he managed to grin at her despite himself. "Trust you to emphasise the baby bit!"

She mockingly polished her nails on her blouse, "What can I say? Supertemp becomes Supersister."

He laughed, "Do I dare ask what you call the Doctor these days?"

"You can dare, but I'm not going to tell you!" she winked.

"I'll find out, by fair means or by foul," he promised.

"I never mentioned chickens! Who told you that bit?" she pretended to be affronted.

"Aw! That is so lame!" he joked, "Surely you can come up with something better than that?"

"Does everything have to gain 10/10?" she waved a finger in front of his nose. "You'd never know the good stuff if I didn't come out with bad stuff."

"True!" he agreed. "Now, have I confessed enough to get my dinner?"

"What? You want feeding too? You haven't sung for your supper yet!" she giggled as she rose from the table to start dishing up the food.

"Donna!" he wailed. "I'm starving! Please feed me!"

She grabbed a piece of cooked spaghetti, walked calmly over to him, forced his head back and shoved the pasta into his mouth.

He choked slightly before swallowing it. "What was that for?" he demanded.

"Well, you said 'feed me' in your best baby bird voice; so I did!" she explained.

"Why you…!" he exclaimed, jumping out of his chair and chasing her until he caught her in the lounge; and he tickled her mercilessly.

"Geroff!" she shrieked as he aimed for her neck and armpit simultaneously.

Without even looking up from his book Teddie drily asked "Could you two turn the volume down a bit, please?"

"Yeah! I'm watching this!" Jamie moaned from in front of the TV.

"Help me!" Donna breathlessly pleaded with them before shrieking again.

"What did she do this time, Uncle John?" Teddie gave in and put his book down on the coffee table. He stood and walked over to his mother's helpless form. "Have you punished her enough yet?"

"Yes, I suppose so," John immediate stopped his attack, and Donna sought to gain back her breath. "She was treating me like a baby bird," he told the boys sheepishly.

"What? She chewed up food and spat in your mouth? Ew!" Jamie scrunched his face up in scorn.

"No, you prawn! I put pasta straight into his mouth; I didn't chew it first! I'm not that disgusting," Donna scowled.

John nudged her shoulder, "So you admit to being a tad disgusting, eh?"

"I suppose I'll have to now, won't I?" she agreed, nudging him back. "I'll tell you another thing…"

"What's that?" he asked playfully.

"Last one back to the kitchen has to wash up!" she threw at him as she raced for the kitchen.

"Oh no you don't!" he quickly followed her, almost barging Teddie out the way.

The boys watched them go in wonder. "Adults today…," Teddie shook his head, grinning, "can't take them anywhere!"

~o~

"John, you don't have to go back there. You are aware of that fact, aren't you?" the Doctor quizzed his brother.

"Of course I am! But I feel as if I should go back and finish my stint there… you know… clear a few things up," he hesitantly told him. He tried hard not to be in awe of the Doctor, but it was difficult at times.

"Oh yeah? What's her name then?" Donna asked from over her mug of tea.

"I don't know what you mean," he blushed.

"Ooh! There's someone special!" the Doctor leant forward in interest. "What can you tell us about them?"

"I… er… I have nothing to tell… exactly," John diverted his gaze away. "I just wanted to find out some information."

"Why can't you do that here on the TARDIS?" the Doctor's puzzled annoyance evident on his face.

"Darling," Donna placed her hand on his arm, "not all information can be found here. Not the sort of thing John needs to know."

"What would that be then?" he frowned at her and shot a questioning look at John, but John was too busy still blushing. Ah! Matters of the heart then!

"John, do you need me to help sift through the files?" Donna offered. "I could even…"

"No, it's okay sis, I think I need to do this on my own," he smiled at her, then sipped his own tea. "I think I know where to look this time."

"Okay Bubbers, I understand," she kissed his forehead as she stood up.

"Bubbers?" mocked the Doctor. "You're calling him Bubbers now?"

"Yes! Got a problem with that?" Donna, and John, glared at him. What really changed the Doctor's mind was when Donna mouthed a name at him.

"Fair do's… Bubbers it is then!" he grinned mischievously at John; and laughed when John groaned.

~o~

"Hello!" Leah's little face lit up when she saw John standing unexpectedly by her desk. "I wasn't… I didn't make a complaint!"

"I know," he grinned back, "I thought I'd stop by and offer to…"

"Oh yes please!" she interrupted him by grabbing his hand and hugging it to her chest. "I was hoping you'd ask, but Allison said you never would. I can understand you liking someone younger, taller, blonder or thinner; I thought that if I tried out this new shampoo Lesley from marketing suggested, I could maybe, perhaps, get round the whole…"

John halted her diatribe by placing a finger carefully against her lips, "Leah, what exactly are you trying to tell me?" He released her mouth and waited.

She kissed his upheld finger, much to his surprise, and answered, "Yes, I'd love to have dinner with you!" She positively beamed at him.

"Oh!" his mind whirled with possibilities, and how to extricate himself from this; but he came up with a blank. He didn't have the heart to crush her now, "You would? That's fantastic! What… when shall we?"

"I'm free tonight!" she looked at him hopefully. "Can we go straight from work? I've always wanted to do that!"

He smiled shyly at her, "Then that's what we'll do. I don't mind where we go."

"I know exactly where we can go! In fact I'll book it right now!" Leah made to turn to her terminal, and then stopped to consider him forlornly. "You're not doing this as a joke, are you?"

"No, this is no joke," he confirmed for her, and gave her hand a squeeze.

"Thank you," she spoke softly; and she went to give him a quick peck on the cheek but he shied away.

"Don't forget the rule about office romances," he warned her as he dipped away. "I wouldn't want to get you sacked, would I? I'll meet you here at 5pm."

"Okay!" she happily smiled at him before carrying out her task.

~o~

As soon as he had a chance, John headed back to the IT office and rang Donna, "Hello Donna? I've… erm… got some news for you."

"What have you done now?" came Donna's worried tone across the network. "Was there any blood involved?"

" Nuh! Nothing like that!" he cheekily told her. "I've got a date tonight and I won't be home for dinner."

Donna chuckled at his proud tone, "Do you want to tell me who with, or is that a state secret?"

"I can tell you. It's not exactly a secret; or it won't be pretty soon if the way gossip gets around this place is anything to go by," he told her. "It's someone from the 3rd floor. Her name is Leah, and…," he spotted Jim entering the office so he quickly ended their conversation, "I'll tell you later."

"Has someone come within earshot?" Donna guessed correctly.

"Yes," he said succinctly.

"Okay, see you later, Bubbers!" and she rang off before he could moan at her.

"What's this about you asking out Leah?" Jim frowned at him. "Office romances aren't allowed here, you know."

"It was one of those things that creep up on you without realising. She was almost as silent as a kiblem," John commented without thinking properly.

"A what?" Jim's confusion was obvious.

"A kiblem; it's a little…," John made a vague size gesture. "Doesn't really matter! Now, where have I got to go next?"

"To the Dark side," Jim quipped.

"Another tale of a lost hand," John muttered.

~o~

When John arrived at Leah's desk she was ready and waiting. She nervously smiled at him, "I wondered if you'd even turn up." She played with the handles of her handbag, "Allison said you'd wimp out and abandon me."

John was beginning to get very p-eed off with Allison. "Well she was wrong," he deliberately bent down a little bit and grasped her hand. "Shall we go?" and he got the resulting sparkle he was hoping for.

Leah had booked them into a cosy restaurant about ten minutes' walk from the office. Hardly anybody was in there yet, but Leah kept nervously close to his side until they sat down opposite each other. John had decided that he was going to use this date as valuable practise since he wasn't emotionally involved enough to use it as anything except an experiment. He instantly thought of Teddie, and wondered if the boy would approve.

They amiably chatted, well, Leah chatted while John was her audience, soaking up all the office gossip and politics. "What about you, John?" she finally asked. "Where have you worked before?"

"Oh, here and there," he waved his hand about. "I used to work for a government department for a while, but I missed being here; so when the opportunity came up to return to London I jumped at it," he told her truthfully. It was nice to be able to tell the complete truth for once.

"Do you live all on your own?" she prodded; and he could sense where this line of questioning was headed.

"I'm living with my brother and his family, but I don't mind, in fact I love it there!" he grinned broadly at her. "If I wanted a change I could move in with my stepmother in Chiswick; but I can't see that happening yet, unless something goes badly wrong."

"Why would it go wrong?" Leah tenderly asked, picking up on his anxiety. "Is there a possible problem?"

"Only if… my brother can be… how can I put this? He is a very powerful man, and he doesn't realise he does it, but he can…," he couldn't find the words to form his thoughts and fears.

"You're frightened of him?" she guessed.

"Not exactly… he….," he huffed in frustration, "I'm frightened he'll kick me out for being what he thinks he isn't."

"I don't understand," Leah admitted.

"Yeah, it is complicated," he sighed. "Anyway… enough about me; what about you? Do you live with anyone?"

She blushed slightly, "Just me and Muffy. He's my baby."

"You have a baby? I didn't know! How old is he?" John asked enthusiastically.

"He's two years old; he's a cat!" Leah laughed at John's shocked expression.

"Oh course! I should have guessed that," he blushed with embarrassment; and Leah found herself melting a little bit more.

She found herself impressed with John's behaviour throughout the whole evening. He was so kind and so considerate; despite Allison's warning that she had foisted herself onto him, and he would react badly. With a little bit of luck she'd get to kiss him too.

John insisted on seeing Leah home, and her expectations skyrocketed. "So, do you want to come in for a tea or coffee?" Leah tried out as they reached her building.

"I would, but I have to get home," John excused himself. "I've had a lovely evening. Thank you for inviting me."

Leah gave him a puzzled look, "But I thought you invited me?"

"That works too!" he blustered. Then he awkwardly bent forward to kiss her cheek as Leah made a grab for that wanted kiss. His eyes went wide as he felt her lips on his, before thinking 'What the heck? Why not?' and allowing himself to practise this aspect too. Leah turned out to be quite a good kisser, and he found himself enjoying it immensely. When they broke for breath he asked her, "Leah? Why are we being watched?"

"Are we? Who by?" she was in too much of a daze to think straight.

"That bloke in the hallway," he pointed out.

"Oh him!" Leah said dismissively. "Don't mind him!" And she took hold of John's face to put it to good use again.

John broke from the kiss, stating, "I'm sure I know him from somewhere."

"Yeah, you probably do," she giggled. Then to his greatest embarrassment Jim stepped out through the door and appeared beside them.

John jerked back, "Oh! Hi Jim! I was… We were… and then I'm…"

"Hello John," Jim greeted him coldly. "I see you are enjoying your date. It will give you something to tell Donna tonight when you explain why you didn't make it home for dinner."

"Who's Donna?" Leah demanded.

"The woman he was on the phone to earlier today. The woman he phones most days," Jim told her with hidden glee.

John was on the verge of accusing Jim of meddling when he realised the truth. Jim was jealous, because Jim wanted Leah. He gave Jim a compassionate look before saying, "So what if I do? I'm sure Leah doesn't mind."

"Is that the woman you meant when you said about fancying someone?" her eyes begged him to say 'no', and John almost did; but there was a definite vibe between the two of them that was unmistakeable.

"I can't say," he pretended to flounder, "Jim, back me up here."

"He lives with Donna," Jim told the crestfallen Leah.

"Do you?" she asked John quietly.

He hoped she would eventually forgive him for telling her the truth, "Yes Leah. I live with Donna. I can't lie to you any longer."

"And all that about your brother?" she almost sobbed.

"That was true when I first came here," he admitted sincerely.

With an audible sob she threw herself into Jim's arms. Jim gave John a wink over her head, and John gave him the thumbs up before making his own lonely way home.

He let himself into the TARDIS quietly to be greeted by the presence of the Doctor. The Doctor merely took one look at John before sweeping him into his embrace and patting his back consolingly. "You did the right thing. I'm proud of you," the Doctor gently told him.

"Thank you," John answered meekly. But he felt they had reached an important place in their relationship.

* * *

TBC in "Little Boy Blue"

.


	12. Little Boy Blue

**Warning:** Contains a wee bit of angst and adult themes with innuendo.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they were trying to find him a girlfriend. This is a sequel to Blow Your House Down.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love; and the university people.

**A/N:** Sorry it has taken so long with this, but it wouldn't turn out as I wanted! And my muse has decided to work part time.

* * *

**Little Boy Blue**

.

Donna snuggled into the Doctor, "How about we go have a trip somewhere? Somewhere to take John's mind off things?"

"Sounds good to me," he softly answered as he began to kiss his way down her neck. "I'm a bit sick of Earth to tell you the truth."

"Oi!" she inevitably complained. "That's our home world now, remember?"

"As if I could ever forget!" he stole a kiss from her annoyed lips. "I'm not saying I dislike the place, but…"

"Yeah yeah, I know… places to go, people to see, evil villains to overthrow, that sort of thing…," she fondly caressed his worried face. "And always back home in time for tea!"

"Ah, now, I'm glad you mentioned tea, because I was going to mention…," but she halted his words with a passionate kiss.

She giggled. "Is this explanation going to take long? Only, John can distract Jamie from running in here for only so long, so we'll need to hurry up if…," she gave him an eyebrow waggle, "you want to give me a demonstration."

He chuckled as he pinned her down onto the bed, "Demonstrations are good… very good."

"Then you'd better sort out your visual aids," she cheekily told him, "because your projector is on the blink!"

"You saucy minx!" he playfully scolded her, and went on to give her a full presentation

~o~

John had just finished cooking a batch of pancakes when Donna and the Doctor appeared. "Smelt the tea, did you?" he greeted them, and Teddie handed them each a welcoming cup.

They all sat down together and tucked into their mini banquet. "Where are we going today, Dad?" Teddie helped himself to another pancake.

"I thought I'd let John choose since he's cooked breakfast," he tried to steal part of Donna's last pancake and almost got stabbed in the hand by her fork for his cheek.

John's face lit up in delight, "Can I choose anywhere? Anywhere at all?"

"More or less," the Doctor hedged his bets.

"I was thinking of the Library!" He saw Donna and the Doctor's faces quickly fall, so he quickly amended, "Way before you were there, obviously; back when… sorry, it was a bad idea. I'll shut up about it." He turned his attention back to his plate in a vain attempt to avoid their scrutiny.

Donna touched his arm, "Why there, John; of all places!" She felt tears well up in her eyes as she remembered what they had lost in that place.

He shrugged, "I forgot about your pain. I'm sorry, I didn't think. I was only thinking about the books." He looked up at her and gave her a sorrowful smile.

"No, we're not going there," the Doctor stated. "I'm not risking…," he almost choked on the rest of his sentence. Donna rushed to engulf him in a hug.

"We don't have to think about her," she whispered to him, "or those evil little critters."

"It's not that…," he mumbled into her hair, and squeezed her tightly.

Jamie looked plainly worried, "Uncle John? Why is a library bad?" He had made his way over to John and hovered nervously by his side.

"It was a special library," John started to explain, allowing Jamie to sit on his lap and gain the comfort he obviously needed. "Don't worry, Squeaks; most libraries are glorious places. We like them, don't we?"

Jamie snuggled into him, "Oh yes! I like all the different stories the most. Ones where brave people fight against evil-doers or strange monsters."

"So you only like the ones that have your dad in, eh?" John teased, and made Jamie smile up at him.

"Oh no!" Jamie quickly replied. "The ones I like have Mummy in them."

"Oi! Flipping cheek!" the Doctor exclaimed indignantly, making them all laugh. And the conversation changed to his acts of daring do's.

~o~

The TARDIS materialised onto a patch of wet-looking grass beside a modern building. Modern if you were born in Tudor times. Teddie stuck his head out first, since it was his turn, and muttered a low exclamation of amazement. "You have got to see this!" he insisted.

"Where?" Jamie looked out next, "Wow! That is fantastic!"

"Does anybody else get a look in?" John had just asked when his hand was grasped firmly by a little body and he was dragged outside. He too stared at the building in wonder; that is, he did, until he noticed something that was out of place. "Why has it got a satellite dish?" he enquired.

"Has it?" the Doctor followed his gaze. "So it has! I wonder how that got there?"

"Probably some poor bloke on a ladder," commented Donna. "Pity he didn't give the window frame a lick of paint while he was up there."

"Those don't look like Elizabethans; well, not original Elizabethans," Teddie stated, pointing out three figures who were about to walk around the corner towards them.

"Yeah, they look a bit...well, modern!" Jamie squeaked.

The three figures were indeed present-day Elizabethans. The Doctor immediately stepped up to them, "Hello! I'm the Doctor and this is my family!" he greeted them. "We seem to be a bit lost. Can you tell us where we are exactly?"

"You are in the grounds of the History department on the University of Stansted campus. Behind you is where the History experiment being carried out," the middle woman of the three told them.

Raising an eyebrow at the Doctor, Donna stepped forward, "Hello, I'm Donna! Please forgive my husband's unusual rudeness in not introducing us!" She shook the woman's hand then pointed to the others, "This is our son Edward, our other son James; and this is our brother John."

"Oh, I'm Ashlie," she told them as she shook each hand in turn, "and these are my friends Laura and Karen," she swept an introductory hand at her friends who both said 'hello' and shook hands with Donna.

As they talked a low eerie cry rang out. "What the hell was that?" Donna wondered aloud.

"It came from inside there!" Teddie pointed towards the Tudor building. Donna barely had a chance to hold him back as he raced into the building, closely followed by the Doctor. She turned to see what John was doing, and was surprised to see that the three women had almost leapt on him in their panic. His expression amused Donna with its mixture of desperation and exhilaration!

"Don't worry," he soothed them. "My brother with find whatever it is and sort it out."

"Do you really think so?" Karen turned her worried gaze on him, before it softened.

"I know so!" he confidently told her, adding a little wink for emphasis.

Donna noted that the women hadn't exactly let go of him, but at least their grip wasn't as tight as earlier, and he seemed to be enjoying being surrounded by good-looking women. "So what do you three do around here?" Donna asked them.

"I'm associated with the library," Ashlie told Donna, to which John's attention perked up.

"I'm in the music department," Laura told them.

"And I'm in the mathematics department," added Karen.

John was doubly interested. He didn't know where to start, or who to talk to first; he was overwhelmed by the choice.

"Is there much cross curriculum activity around here?" he weakly asked, but his audience pleasingly laughed anyway.

"John, I could do with a cup of something. What about you?" Donna tried unsuccessfully to coerce him into making some sort of arrangement with at least one of them.

"That's a good idea! We can leave the others to it, and go find the refectory?" he gave Ashlie a questioning look.

"Jamie, can you… Jamie?" Donna whirled round to look for him, expecting to find him investigating a shrub or puddle. "Jamie!" Donna yelled out. She turned her fearful gaze on John, "Where is he?"

But John merely shook his head, "I don't know! He was here a second ago!" He removed himself from the clutches of the three women frantically, and joined Donna in calling out Jamie's name.

"I think he went that way," Laura pointed towards the nearest college building; that was covered with scaffolding whilst the stonework was cleaned.

"Is that him up there?" Karen asked John, as she pointed at an upper level window.

Donna gasped as Jamie shouted down to them, "Mummy! Help me!" he was sitting precariously on a window ledge with a terrified expression on his small face.

"How the hell did you get up there?" Donna found herself shouting inanely. "Hold on!"

Both she and John rushed to the base of the scaffolding. "I'm coming Jamie!" John called up as he began to attempt the climb up, winching himself up with ease.

A whimper was his answer and Donna tried to attempt the ascent herself; watching John's nimble form climb with envy. Every time she placed her foot somewhere it slipped. "It's no good John, I can't hold on!" Donna held in her panic, her tone pleading.

"Don't worry… I'll save him!" he assured her as he climbed, hoping he sounded more convincing to her than to his own ears.

He continued up the outside of the building, using the free climbing skills he'd only read about and never used. In a few seconds, that felt like aching minutes, he reached Jamie and grasped him firmly with a comforting embrace. The boy held on desperately, almost choking him in the process, but John had the presence of mind to only whisper, "Not so tight, Squeaks!"

"Sorry, Uncle John!" the boy sobbed into John's neck as he trembled uncontrollably. "The window… it shut."

John tried to prise open the window with his strong fingers, and managed to get it to budge a few centimetres. Nothing was going to stop him getting in once he'd achieved that, and he battled with the catch until it gave way. The pair of them fell into the room behind the window; and Donna found herself able to breathe again. By the time she reached the main door John was emerging with Jamie still clinging onto him.

"My baby!" Donna cried, diving for them and hugging them both tightly. She kissed Jamie first, reassuring herself he was okay; and then she kissed John in gratitude. "I can't thank you enough. What would I do without you?" she asked him in a low voice.

For once he didn't give their normal jokey reply to that question, but returned her hug instead with one arm. They each offered other a watery smile and gave each other a squeeze. "Just repaying some of the debt," he muttered.

"I'm sorry, Mummy," tears began to course down Jamie's cheeks. "I was trying to be helpful."

Donna bit back an angry retort. "How were you being helpful?"

"Daddy said to always see as much as you can. I was getting up high to…," his voice trailed off forlornly. He gave a sniff, "I saw a pretty butterfly."

Donna wiped away some of the tears on his cute face with her free hand, "Why is it the beautiful things that are the most dangerous, eh?"

"That's if they last more than a second," John answered her. "Shall we go and see where the other two are?"

Donna nodded as they broke apart, he put Jamie down and they both grasped his hand. John and Donna began to move their arms and Jamie delightedly found himself swung between them. "Again!" he trilled.

"You're getting a bit too big for that, Squeaks," Donna told him, before laughing at his answering pout. They swung him again anyway.

The three women ran over to greet them. "You were so brave!" Ashlie blushed at John.

"I don't know how you did it!" beamed Laura.

Karen smiled shyly at him, "Your family must think you're wonderful."

"Oh, we do!" Donna replied enthusiastically.

Jamie let go of Donna to tug on John's arm, "Uncle John is the bestest uncle in all the universes!" Jamie loved being the centre of their attention, and let the women fuss over him as he cutesied his way into their affections.

Donna eased herself away to scan the area for any sign of Teddie and the Doctor. She caught sight of them sauntering over the grass towards her.

The Doctor was talking animatedly, "…and that's when they discovered what barelium was really for!" to which the pair of them burst into laughter. "Hello, love!" he greeted Donna. "What have you been up to while we were away?"

"Oh, you know, the usual…. A bit of a life and death situation followed by a flirt," she informed him.

"What?" he frowned; then took in the scene before him.

"You didn't, did you?" Teddie accused Jamie as he strode up to him. "I told you not yet!"

Jamie's smile disappeared off his face. "No, I didn't!" his gaze flicked to his father. "I did something else." A deep blush spread over him and he hung his head low.

"What did you do?" the Doctor asked pointedly. "Tell me!"

The three women started babbling over each other about something to do with a window, and how courageous John was. John merely placed his hands on Jamie's shoulders protectively, "Just a spot of bother… all sorted now."

"I think we need to get back, and let these poor ladies return to work before we lose them their jobs!" Donna tried to lighten the mood as she took hold of the Doctor's arm. "We can easily walk and talk."

The Doctor glared at her before turning the usual charm offensive on with the women. "Sorry we have to leave. It was lovely to meet you," he smiled at them.

"Before you go, what caused that weird sound?" Laura asked pensively.

"Oh that! It was a dislodged ricrunja! Harmless creature with a fascinating history. Did you know…," the Doctor began, but Teddie interrupted him.

"Dad! Don't forget the…," Teddie did a small single-fingered 'cut' motion near his neck, "…thing… you know, the plan with the thing!"

The Doctor looked momentarily sheepish. "Ah, yes, the thing. It's good to have a plan with a thing."

"What are you on about this time?" Donna grinned broadly at him though her tone was exasperated.

"That would be telling," he enigmatically smiled at her and winked. But Donna didn't look impressed, so he started to wrap his arms around her waist. "I'll be open for my Doctor's surgery at the usual hour, should you want to…"

John gave a cough, which re-focused the Doctor on his surroundings. "Perhaps we should be going?" John pointedly asked, ruffling Jamie's hair and taking hold of his hand again.

"Before we go…," Donna caught John's attention, "…shouldn't we collect some phone numbers… for the insurance company?" She nodded towards the women.

"Oh! The insurance company!" he started to pat his pockets, and eventually pulled out a small notepad. "I need some witness information. Can you help?" He passed the notepad and a pencil to Karen, who eagerly wrote down her number for him before passing it onto the others. Fortunately they didn't see Donna clamp her hand over the Doctor's mouth to stop him asking any awkward questions. Teddie merely giggled silently.

Ashlie shyly handed the notepad back to John. "Are you… will you be… erm… hanging around here?" she stammered.

"I'm normally about the place somewhere," he reassured her. "I'll be getting in touch… for the insurance company."

"Uncle John? When we get home, will you help me with my book?" Jamie gave John his latest adoring look; and the three women melted. He fiddled with his little collar, "I think I might have done something wrong."

John smiled indulgently at him, earning himself a loyal fanbase. "Of course I will; after we've had tea," he promised.

Teddie sidled up to grin at John. "Uncle John really looks after us well," he told the women. "He's there whenever we need him. He really is wonderful. Sometimes I think he is…"

"That's enough, Teddie!" the Doctor halted his words. "Your uncle doesn't need you making him feel uncomfortable." His gaze penetrated Teddie, and the boy's demeanour completely changed to that of defeat.

"Bye then!" Donna brightly intercepted, breaking the mood. "Come on boys!" she reached out to take Teddie's hand, giving it a comforting squeeze while John took Jamie's. With 'bye's reverberating all round, the family group finally made its way back to the TARDIS.

~o~

Later, Donna sat with John in the kitchen; the Doctor was elsewhere supervising the bed time ritual. "Well, that was different today, wasn't it?" she shared a smile with him.

"Yeah, you could say that," he agreed. "Three phone numbers though!" He retrieved the note pad and waved it at her.

"Pfft! I'd be more impressed if you actually used one of those numbers. I'm beginning to think you're collecting them like bus numbers or like train-spotters do." She reached across and patted his arm, "You do intend to use them, don't you?"

"Of course!" he blushed. "Eventually."

"I don't believe you, Bubbers!" she scoffed. "I think you're frightened."

"Frightened? Of what?" he countered. "Are you saying I'm a coward?" He started to puff himself up.

She squeezed his hand, "Why would I say that? I mean… the whole contacting business. You seem a bit reluctant."

"Do I?" he glanced away. "Can't see what gives you that idea."

Donna chuckled. "How about the fact that I have forced young women to hand over their numbers in a variety of places, and I've only known you to actually call someone once?" she teased. "I think that speaks for itself."

"Well…. That's true… it got a little awkward, didn't it?" he played with the woodgrain on the table with one finger, keeping his line of sight away from her.

"John Marvin Noble, listen to me," she got him to snap his attention to her. "That whole incident was not completely your fault, so don't you dare think it! That woman was loop, d'you hear!" she tenderly kissed his cheek as she spoke. "Nobody in their right mind would refuse you."

"Then why…?" he faltered, and sighed. "I want what you have, I suppose; and I know that's an idle dream…"

Donna snorted a laugh, "You have the opposite problem of most people. They have to kiss an awful lot of frogs to find a prince. You, on the other hand, are spoilt for choice."

"What do you mean, spoilt for choice?" he indignantly asked. "Where are all these women clambering for me?"

"I think you'll find…," she pointed at the notepad, "…that they're all in there."

"I could point at the bag of flour in the cupboard and say there are loads of cakes sitting there; but it's not the same thing!" he gave a pout, and Donna had to bite her tongue to not laugh at him. "I can see you smirking at me! I'm not blind!" he insisted; and Donna lost her control. "Stop laughing at me!" he ordered, as his own resolve dwindled. As Donna starting hooting with mirth, he added, "I'm not laughing… I'm not!" But he was; and the pair of them hooted with laughter together.

When they calmed down she gave in to an impulse she'd been holding off all day: Donna hugged him tightly. "Thank you for earlier," she whispered close to his ear.

"I didn't really do anything," he murmured back, but squeezed her back.

"And I'm the Queen of Sheba!" she retorted, pulling away slightly.

"In that case, your Majesty, may I offer you another cup of tea?" he grinned at her.

"You can do better than that!" she giggled. "You can open a fresh packet of biscuits!"

"Chocolate Hob Nobs?" he asked, rising from his seat. "It is king of the biscuits after all, your Majesty."

"Go on then; you've talked me into it," she rose to fetch fresh cups. "And afterwards I'll help you chose one of those numbers to call, Bubbers."

The answering groan was exactly what she wanted.

* * *

TBC in "Blow Your Horn" .


	13. Blow Your Horn

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and has a date with a potential girlfriend. This is a sequel to Little Boy Blue.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these Doctor Who characters apart from the people I've given them to love.

* * *

**Blow Your Horn**

.

Donna put out her hand and thumbed through the notepad John had extracted from his jacket pocket earlier. She quirked an eyebrow at him, a sly smile playing about her lips. "You've got quite a collection here! These could keep you busy for weeks on end," she teased.

John made an attempt to snatch it back, but she eluded him and hid it behind her back. "Come on, Siskles! Don't be mean!" he pouted. "I promised I'd choose one, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did," she agreed. "But you haven't actually chosen someone yet, have you? So that means…"

"What exactly? You're going to penalise me or something? 'Cos I'm not sure I signed up with that idea!" he huffed.

"No, silly!" she swatted his arm. "If you can't choose I'll choose someone for you."

"The hell you will!" he told her indignantly. "I think I should have a say in all of this!"

"And so you should!" she placated him by smoothing her hand over his wrist. "I'm just going to act as a sounding board, of some sort."

"Go on then, you've got my attention. What do you plan to do?" he stared in to her blue eyes intently.

"Well…," she stared back. "How about you describe some of the names in here to me; give me some idea who I'm dealing with."

"Okay. I can do that. But I'm warning you… if you try to influence me…," anger flashed across his features momentarily; and Donna had to stifle a laugh.

"Duly noted, Bubbers. I'll give you three names and you tell me what they look like," she checked to see if John nodded at her first. "Right. Let's see…," she opened the notepad at the last available page. "Megan, Ashlie, Leah; tell me about them."

He scowled slightly. "Are you sure you want to start there? Okay… Megan: battle axe of the first order; urgh! Leah: dark brown hair, very soft lips, lovely nature and now Jim's girlfriend. Ashlie: brunette, a bit shy, gorgeous smile, works in a university library, piercing but soft brown eyes, wears quite an exquisite perfume… and why are you smirking at me?"

"Was I? It must be that smile on your face that's caused me to act that way!" She gave his hand a squeeze, "So are you ready to meet Ashlie again, perhaps?"

He thought carefully, "Yes, I do believe I am! Can't do any harm, can it?"

Donna answered John's beaming smile. "Not from where I'm sitting it can't!" And she handed him her mobile phone before he could change his mind.

~o~

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this!" John breathed unsteadily as he stood in front of his bedroom mirror.

"You look fine, Uncle John. Honest!" Teddie assured him from behind. "Just don't put anymore aftershave on, please!"

John twirled round to face him in dismay. "Have I overdone it? Do I need to go wash some off?"

Teddie got up from his seated position on the bed and came to stand at his elbow. "No, you don't need to do any of that; but the deodorant and the other smellies are enough, you don't want to overegg the pudding."

"Anybody would think I do that sort of thing all the time!" John mildly protested.

"Well, you do, a bit, when you are nervous. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't or anything…," Teddie shrugged at him. "The outfit looks good. I'm sure she'll love it."

John gave his reflection one more glance, "I hope so."

Donna appeared in the doorway. "If she doesn't think you're the best thing since sliced bread then she needs her head examining!" She gave him a wink, "If I wasn't already taken I'd be hard pushed to resist you."

He immediately reddened dark crimson. "Stop it!" he softly answered. "That is all sorts of wrong!"

Teddie giggled delightedly and Donna playfully pushed him. "What? Can't a girl look now?"

"Oh Mum! You have no idea! And since when can you be called a girl?" Teddie laughed at her outraged expression.

"I may not be a girl anymore, but I can still look and appreciate what I see!" Donna insisted.

"Glad to hear it!" the Doctor sauntered in. "How's the poncey-fying going on?"

"Hey! I don't look like a ponce… do I?" John gleeful face fell.

"Not at all!" Donna quickly gave his arm a hug. "Just ignore him; he's just jealous!"

"I am not!" the Doctor insisted.

"Yeah, I can see that by the way your mouth is moving," she pointed at his lips.

The Doctor moved over to the mirror and peered at himself, even whipping out his glasses to get a closer look. "I can't see what my mouth is doing wrong!"

Donna got as close to him as she could, and swiped her index finger along his bottom lip. "The trouble seems to be located… here!" she dabbed her finger at his forehead, making him gasp; first in surprise and then in annoyance.

"Ha ha. Very funny, Noble!" he complained.

"Well what did you expect me to say? Really! Some aliens are idiots!" she scoffed.

He quickly stooped down and lifted her over his shoulder in a fireman's lift, ignoring her squeals. "Sorry, didn't see you there. Must be due to my idiotic alien eyes!" he patted her bottom. "Are you ready to change your mind?"

"No! Never!" Donna shouted out from her muffled position. "You can't bully me into it!"

"In that case, this needs a more personal touch," he patted her again. "Good luck with the date, John, and we'll see you later." He gave both Teddie and John a wide grin as he strode off towards his bedroom with a protesting Donna still thrown over his shoulder.

"That's one way to deal with her!" John chortled with his nephew.

Teddie stuck his head out the door and watched his father's progress down the corridor. "Do you think we ought to go rescue her?"

"No! She'll be fine" John replied, as he made his way to the console room. "We don't want to upset your dad now he's in a good mood."

~o~

John had arranged to meet Ashlie in the least intimidating place he could think of. He chose, on Donna's recommendation, the outside of a coffee shop in the nearest shopping mall to where Ashlie lived. He fiddled with his cuffs as he contemplated if he should have bought flowers, or would chocolates be better, though a signed copy of Pride & Prejudice would have been a fitting gift…

Ashlie appeared by his elbow catching him completely unawares, and he blushed to the tips of his ears. "Oh! Hello!" he stammered. "You're… erm… I wasn't… erm… expecting you yet!"

"You weren't?" Ashlie dipped her head shyly. "I can go away and come back if you like?"

"Oh no!" John quickly told her. "Please stay now that you're here. Would you like a coffee or something?" he gestured towards the coffee shop.

He was extremely relieved when she agreed, and they entered the shop to place their order.

They sat at a table and chatted away quite amicably. He told her about living with his brother and his wife; he made sure he avoided the pitfall of referring to Donna as his sister this time! And she listened intently to his tales about his nephews, his stepmother and his Gramps.

He listened equally patiently to her tales about her parents, her brother and her idiotic workmates. And more importantly, he found himself liking her more and more as they found common interests in books, computer games and music. It was a thoroughly enjoyable time!

He tried to hold her hand as they browsed a bookshop, but she was distracted away by several titles. John wondered if Ashlie were merely looking for friendship from him rather than romance. He argued to himself that the Doctor had often held hands with companions; but then again, that had always started out innocently on the Doctor's part though the companions were a different matter…

He dove into his memories from Donna as he leaned against a commanding book display, dove into stuff he usually avoided. But he needed to know: what did holding hands mean to a woman? What he found told him that handholding meant trust and love. Did that mean Ashlie neither trusted him nor wanted to love him?

When he joined her again seconds later she gave him the most magnificent smile he could imagine. Perhaps she only wanted friendship for now? John decided he could work with that. He knew for a fact it could become something magical.

"Do you fancy looking in HMV?" he asked. "There's a new game I want to get for Jamie they might have in."

"Of course!" Ashlie beamed at him. "Your nephews are so lucky to have you."

"Aw! I'm not sure about that!" he rubbed his neck nervously. "I know I'm lucky to have them!"

Ashlie found herself falling for his charms even more. All she needed was him to show her if he wanted romance. Would he hold her hand again? She kept closely by his side, just in case.

~o~

"Well John? How did it go?" Donna almost dragged him through the TARDIS doors when he returned home.

"Fine. I think it went fine," he nodded as he thought about it.

"Fine? Not wonderful then?" she asked him with concern. "Did you get any romance… at all?"

"I think there was a spark of something," he admitted. "Is there any tea?"

Donna was immediately more concerned. If he needed to drink tea with her then he had something on his mind that needed discussing. She followed him like a little lapdog. Watching him busy himself with the kettle and the cups she asked, "Are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what, Siskles?" he tried to hide from her intense gaze.

"You know very well what, Bubbers," she gently took his arm and led him over to the kitchen table.

"Well….," he averted his gaze and fiddled with his collar button, "… I'm not sure if she actually _likes_ me."

"There was a lack of groping and bosom hugging I take it?" she smiled broadly at him. "Not all women feel the need to use that sort of sign. Most women just smile at you a lot. It might be just shyness. I know; it can be a minefield!"

"How do I find out then? I've only kissed women who have been… a bit… obvious!" he blushed. "I think I'll have to do some reading about this."

"Why don't you just try using your eyes for a change!" she laughed at his pout. "Surely you're aware of heightened pulse rates, adrenaline rushes, dilated pupils, all those things you aliens are supposed to notice!"

"Part alien, part human, if you recall!" he admonished. "Like your beloved sons!"

"Oh yeah; now that you mention it I remember something human happening in connection with you," she mocked. She tapped her finger onto her top lip, "I can't for the life of me remember why or how."

"Ha ha, very funny, Siskles! You must _remind_ me to buy you a copy of the Dandy sometime," he retorted sarcastically.

"Oi! Listen here, Sunshine! You'd better not be making jibes about my memory wipe as well as my bad jokes," she glared at him threateningly.

"Nope! As if I'd do that!" he grinned in defiance. "I'd say I was taking the p about your age!" he jumped away from her just in time to avoid being punched in the arm. "Ooh! Your reflexes have gone to pot along with your memory. I'd see a Doctor about that if I were you!"

"You little…," she desperately looked about the kitchen for a suitable weapon to use on him, and chose the remains of the French stick they'd eaten for lunch. "I may not be able to batter you with this, but I'll breadcrumb you to within an inch of your scrawny life if you're not careful!"

"I'll sit down here shall I and wait until you've forgotten all about it?" he looked at the watch on his left wrist. "That should be any moment… now!"

She walloped him over the head with the bread stick. "Flipping nerve of some people. I've a good mind to disown you!"

"What? Before you've fed me up? I don't think so!" he nicked a piece of the bread and hurriedly shoved it into his mouth.

"Is that how you ate in front of her? You'll scare her off if you do that?" Donna teased.

He frowned at her. "What's wrong with how I eat?"

"Show me again," she ordered him, to which he obliged. "Now try doing it sexily."

"You are kidding me! You can't eat bread sexily!" he insisted.

"Oh yeah?" Donna swiped a small piece, gave him a coy smile before tentatively putting it into her mouth, paying it minute attention.

John gulped. "Do that again," he half-whispered.

"You want to see it again?" She took hold of another piece and repeated her actions as slowly as possible. "Now it's your turn!"

He picked up a piece of the French stick, regarding it as if it were about to leap up and bite him before placing it in his mouth carefully and chewing. "Was that any better?"

"Well…there's some improvement," she begrudgingly told him. "Try again."

He plucked another piece of bread from the stick and fluttered his eyelashes at her before smishing it into his mouth with a slow flurry. He sucked his fingertip for good measure. "What about that time?" he asked.

Donna chuckled. "I think we can safely let you near Ashlie again."

"Hey! Play nicely!" he admonished her. "I say wonderful things about you!"

"I should hope you flipping-well do!" she consoled him by patting his arm. "Now; did you arrange another date?"

"Of course I did!" he harrumphed. "I'm not totally useless!"

"Except when you do the washing," she smirked.

"Oh! For the love of…. Once and for all, I did NOT steal your lacy black bra!" he insisted, crossing his arms in emphasis.

The accompanying pout didn't help his cause at all. "If I find it in your bedroom…," she threatened him, "I will not be responsible for my actions."

"Good job you won't then!" he narrowed his eyes at her.

"In that case you won't mind me looking, will you?" she stood abruptly, and aimed for the door.

"Oh no you don't!" he retorted as he gave chase. Their shrieks as they ran towards his bedroom could be heard in the console room.

* * *

TBC in "The Sheep's In The Meadow"

**A/N2:** I challenge thee, dear reader, to eat bread sexily today!


	14. The Sheep's In The Meadow

**Warning:** Contains scenes you might want to imitate later.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and has arranged a date with his latest girlfriend. This is a sequel to Blow Your Horn.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these Doctor Who characters apart from the people I've given them to love.

* * *

**The Sheep's In The Meadow**

.

The Doctor watched his sons skip off from the kitchen to tinker with their latest project before he picked up his doughnut and eyed it mischievously. He waited until Donna was watching him before biting into it carefully, keeping eye contact with her. As she raised a quizzical eyebrow at him he dipped his tongue into the central jam core and sucked it out slowly. Seeing her draw in her bottom lip, he tore off a small chunk and chewed it with an ecstatic expression.

"What are you doing?" Donna asked as she moved her chair closer to his.

But he didn't answer. Instead he fixed his gaze on her and continued to take small rapturous bites until there was nothing left except the sugar on his fingers. He placed each fingertip on his tongue in turn, and sucked the sugar off. Donna defiantly held his gaze, but she could feel the effect of his actions on her, and was both impressed and annoyed.

"You…!" she muttered. "You know exactly what you are doing!"

"Who me?" he tried an innocent expression on her. "Am I doing something to you?"

"You know very well what you're doing!" she protested. "You're trying out the sexy bread eating thing on your doughnut!"

"Am I?" he teased her. "Are you saying that you find the way I'm eating sexy?"

"No, not at all," she sulked, "So you can think again!"

"On the contrary, Donna," he grinned wickedly, "I think I may have affected you more than you'll admit."

"Oh yeah!" she pushed her face next to his. "Want to prove it, Timeboy?"

"Yes please!" he answered, and reached for her, enticing her into his embrace. "Let me share my sugar with you."

"Geroff!" Donna feigned offence at his actions. "I'm getting all mucky!"

"Oh no! I'll have to wash you all over," he started to peel back her blouse. "I can see all sorts of places the sugar has got to."

"I wasn't the one eating the doughnut, you prawn," she pointed out as she halted his searching fingers.

"Wasn't you?" he removed her hand and resumed his search. "In that case, I'll have to share," and he pressed his sugary face onto her skin.

"What am I going to do with you?" she laughed.

The Doctor answered with a trademark eyebrow waggle, "Let's go to the bedroom and discuss this? I have a few things I want to go over."

"So you want discussions with me now, huh?" Donna giggled. "You steal the last doughnut and I'm supposed to fall under your spell!"

"I'd say you were the one with the bewitchery," he swept her up out of her chair and into his arms. "What do you say to an early night?"

She whispered into his ear, taking the chance to give his lobe a quick nibble, "Why don't you take me and see?"

~o~

"Uncle John? Where did you put my bickle?" Jamie ran into his room, dragging him out of his deep slumber.

"Your what?" John blearily asked him.

"My bickle!" the child pouted at him. "You know; the bickle we made yesterday. You promised you would look after it and I want to show Mummy." Jamie jigged up and down in his agitation.

John clasped his head. "Was that before or after Nanny gave me that tankard of beer?"

"Erm… I think it was after Uncle John. Why?" he went to sit with John when his uncle beckoned him over.

"I don't think I'm able to remember properly, Squeaks. You'll have to give me some more clues." He gave Jamie a brief, consoling hug.

Jamie gave a sniff. "Doesn't matter Uncle John," he stated forlornly. "I'll get Teddie to help me make another one later."

"You abandoning me already?" John nudged his arm playfully; but the boy's pitiful expression tore at his heart.

"No, I'd never do that. Why don't you want to play with me anymore, Uncle John? I thought you liked me," Jamie muttered.

"I _do_ like you; in fact, I've never stopped liking you. What's brought this on?" he hugged Jamie close.

"You only talk about Ashlie now," Jamie told his chest. "You like her more than me, and I found you first!"

John couldn't hold in a chuckle. "Yes, you did. But I need to be with someone my own age; I mean, someone looks like they're my age," he faltered slightly when Jamie obviously didn't or wouldn't understand. He caressed Jamie's back. "One day, Squeaks, you will find someone that makes you forget all about me."

"Never!" Jamie protested fervently, and squeezed him further. "I don't want to ever forget you!" his tone held more than a trace of fear.

John quickly soothed the trembling boy. "Not like Mummy did; you won't forget me like that, I promise. I meant forget in that you'll be too busy enjoying being with someone else."

Jamie lifted watery eyes to look at him. "I… I…," he sniffed again and wiped away a tear. John wiped some tears away for him too.

"I know," John told him; and kissed his forehead. "Me too."

"Uncle John! Jamie! Breakfast is ready!" Teddie shouted into John's bedroom, gave them a cheery grin and then whooshed off to eat his own.

~o~

"Morning sleepyhead!" Donna greeted John as he appeared in his dressing gown.

"Morning!" John replied as he sat himself down, and guided Jamie to sit beside him. "You're awfully chirpy this morning. What's caused that then?"

"Oh, you know," she smiled at him. "Nothing much out of the ordinary."

He sat back in his seat, intrigued. "Right… and that makes perfect sense because…?"

She placed a plate of her special mixed grill in front of him, "Never you mind for now." She gave the boys a quick glance so that he'd get the message.

"Mum? Are we all going to this place with Uncle John, or are we investigating something else?" Teddie handed her his emptied plate and stood to hand out cups of tea.

"I think we might have a look round, pretend we're normal for a while," Donna answered.

"Normal?" Teddie scoffed. "I don't fancy being that!"

"Some of us have no choice in it, Sunshine!" Donna retorted. "Or rather, had no choice."

"Sorry Mum. I wasn't saying you were…," Teddie told her sheepishly.

"Can I stay with Uncle John instead of you?" Jamie suddenly piped up. "He said I could."

Donna looked puzzled as she asked John "Did you?"

John shrugged in reply, "I think I might have done."

She sat down and took hold of Jamie's hand. "Jamie, sweetheart, I'm not sure going with Uncle John today is a good idea. He needs to be alone with Ashlie for a while."

"Why?" Jamie blurted out. "Why does he need to be with _her_ but not with _me_? I won't get in the way, I promise!"

Seeing Jamie's scowl, Teddie put in, "He wants to kiss her, you idiot! That's why you can't stay with them!"

"You do?" Jamie asked John incredulously. "What do you want to do that for?"

"That was the whole point of this," Teddie pointed out as he leaned in towards his brother. "We were helping Uncle John get a woman to kiss."

"Ew!" Jamie scrunched his face up in disgust. "It's bad enough when I have to watch Mummy and Daddy do that! Are you saying I'd have to watch Uncle John kiss Ashlie?"

"Yep!" Teddie delightedly told him. And they all laughed at the pained expression on Jamie's face.

~o~

John arrived on Ashlie's doorstep as they'd arranged. As usual he had worried whether he should arrive with a gift of some sort; but the Doctor had told him that Ashlie would be pleased to see him more than any gift he appeared with. He hoped his brother was correct.

"Hello! I thought we could go for a stroll somewhere nice. What do you think?" he greeted her.

Ashlie smiled shyly at him. "That sounds lovely. Where exactly where you thinking of going?"

"Ah! Well! I've borrowed my stepmother's car so I thought… if you fancy it… we could," he blushed as he stammered, "visit the seaside; or go by the Thames further up or…"

Ashlie placed her hands on John's shoulders. "I don't mind where we go, to be honest. Somewhere by the water would be lovely." In fact she thought it was a wonderfully romantic setting for their first kiss.

John resisted the urge to swoop down and capture her lips then and there. "I quite fancy going to Henley-on-Thames! Come, madam, your carriage awaits."

It was heavenly strolling along with John by the water's edge. She had stumbled as they walked along the decked walkway beside the weir, and he'd automatically caught her hand to steady her; he hadn't let go of it since. His hand was strong, warm and firm as it held hers. They chatted about everything and anything, even her fear of dogs which became apparent when a particularly friendly dog caused her to grip his hand with a vice-like quality. He'd charmingly soothed her, and somehow managed to get all dogs to leave her well alone.

"Do you mind if my nephew joins us for a while?" he suddenly asked her.

"Erm… I don't think so. Which one did you mean?" she halted as they stood beneath a magnificent willow tree.

"Jamie; the youngest one," he explained.

"Oh, the sweet little one that you rescued!" she exclaimed. "I'd love to see him again."

John lovingly cupped her cheek, and whispered, "You really don't mind? Only he was a bit upset this morning."

"Was he? Why was that?" she gazed intently at him with soft brown eyes, adoring the way he seemed to see right into her soul.

"He was worried about how much I talk about you," he supplied. "I can't seem to keep my mind off you."

"You can't?" she leant into his touch, gratified when he brought his face much nearer.

"No. All I can think about is doing this," and he bent lower to press his lips against hers. She let go of his hand to embrace him properly, keeping her lips next to his as he deepened their kiss. He tasted wonderful; she couldn't get enough of him! He tenderly shared kiss after kiss with her.

They broke apart with a shy giggle, snuggling together, and beaming brightly. John felt this needed celebrating, and there was only one place to go for that! He led Ashlie to a tea room overlooking the river.

~o~

As John took the first sip of his cup of tea he heard laughter. Raucous laughter that was extremely familiar. "They wouldn't…," he began to say as he stood and peered into the other part of the tea room. There, sitting near the back but conveniently close to the cake display was his family, including Sylvia and Wilf. John sighed a knowing sigh.

There was a blur followed by the words "Uncle John!" as a small child launched himself at John and wrapped himself around him.

"Hello Squeaks," John replied, stroking the boy's head affectionately. "Ashlie, you remember Jamie, don't you?" he manoeuvred himself so that Ashlie could see Jamie's face.

"Hello Jamie," Ashlie waved at him coyly. "Who else is here with you?"

Jamie broke from his embrace and almost buzzed with excitement as he replied to Ashlie, "We were going to visit 5th Century Egypt but Daddy took us to a man he knew in Atlantis by mistake. There was a spot of bother, well, when I say there was some bother there was a lot of trouble! The Icdiadors were _really_ angry, so we went to Nanny's before we could have our dinner. Daddy fancied a cream tea, and Nanny said she knew a place that was fantastic, so we ended up here!"

Ashlie had no idea what he was going on about, or how he'd managed to say all that with one breath, but she thought the tale was charming anyway. She nodded her approval at him, and Jamie beamed back at her.

Realising he wouldn't be able to avoid the rest of his family for much longer, John calmly picked up their tea things and gestured Ashlie to join him at the back of the tea room. Donna leapt up and kissed his cheek apologetically. "Sorry Bubbers," she whispered, "I was railroaded into this."

He merely sighed again, and whispered back, "I understand Siskles."

"Come join us, Ashlie," the Doctor greeted her; and she was introduced to everyone sat around the table.

"Donna thought you might choose here, and we haven't been here since she was a child. We thought we'd come here to have a day out!" explained Sylvia as Ashlie was directed towards a seat.

"Well, it _was_ her favourite!" added Wilf.

Ashlie was beginning to feel like a prize heifer under their joint gaze. She really hoped this wasn't going to turn into a The Hills Have Eyes situation.

She suddenly found herself seated between Sylvia and Jamie, at the opposite end of the table to John. Botheration's! She'd have to make her own entertainment for a while. "What was John's father like?" she asked Sylvia when she got the chance during a lull in her conversation.

Sylvia gave her a strange look. "Don't you know?" But Ashlie shook her head at her. Sylvia glanced quickly in the Doctor's direction, seeing him watching her intently. "John is… how can I put this? John is _very_ much like his father; in looks, with his speech, and his manners. But John is much more loving," Sylvia tried to ignore the Doctor's glare at those words. "I think of John as my own flesh and blood."

"So you knew John when he was quite young?" Ashlie pressed, almost bouncing with her enthusiasm to learn more. "What was he like?"

"Oh… I suppose he was a lot like Jamie here…," she pointed to Jamie seated on the other side of Ashlie. "I suppose he was just as full of life, questions and curiosity," Sylvia smiled fondly at John. "He really is a special boy."

Ashlie smiled at John too, "Yes he is!"

"Uncle John looks the spit of Dad without the beard," Teddie told her mischievously. "Do you think he should keep it or go clean shaven?"

"Oh!" Ashlie looked stricken at the question. "I don't know!" She stared at the Doctor and then at John, "I'm not sure… he looks…"

Donna took pity on her. "Don't worry, Ashlie! John would look gorgeous with or without the beard; but I rather like the beard," she grinned at her and then at John to reassure him.

"And what about me?" the Doctor placed a possessive arm around her as he pouted his disapproval.

"You?" Donna laughed, and kissed his cheek before giving it a consoling caress, "You'll do just fine!"

"Well my girl," Wilf chuckled, "All I know is that you have one of the two finest men on this planet!"

Both John and the Doctor pinked up to the shared delight of their audience.

~o~

"John?" Ashlie asked as they strolled back to the car. "Your family… why do they talk so oddly?"

"What do you mean?" John was slightly frightened of the answer, and immediately began to wonder if he should have let her meet them again, and would it have put her off him for good.

"I'm not sure, but it's as if they have some big secret about you and… ," she pondered, "I can't quite put my finger on it."

"Nope, nothing to worry about," he insisted lightly. "They're a bit barmy, but then what family isn't?"

"Don't get me wrong; I like your family, I really do! But they're all so… possessive with you; as if you might be taken away from them at any moment," she gave a nervous laugh. "Are they worried I'll harm you or something?"

John mused on this question, "I suppose they are; but then they're like that about everything we meet."

"Everything?" she frowned in confusion. "What sort of things are you meeting then? Nothing big and scary hopefully!"

"Not normally," he muttered to himself. He gave her a squeeze and pulled her into his embrace. "Let's not talk about them because I have something much more pressing to say."

"What's that?" she gazed up into his beautiful chocolate-brown eyes, and found herself getting lost in them.

"This…," he softly whispered just before he kissed her under the light of the setting sun with the sound of the River Thames lapping at the riverbank beside them. He didn't care if the rest of the world could see him because within his arms was the promise of a wonderful future.

* * *

**TBC** in "The Cow's In The Corn", which has been delayed by my Donna/Duplicate Ten fic "Whispers In The Dark" so many apologies for that!


	15. Wishing On A Star

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these characters (neither the Doctor Who nor the Single Father ones), only the two people I've given them to love.

**A/N:** Written in order to wish angel_b33 a very Happy Birthday!

**A/N2:** It really helps if you've seen or are aware of the characters in the series Single Father, starring David Tennant; otherwise you won't have a clue who Evie and Dave are.

* * *

**Wishing On A Star**

.

Jamie danced along, holding tightly onto Donna's hand. "If I eat all my fish tonight can I go with Uncle John tomorrow, Mummy?" he smiled up at her.

"Jamie, darling, I'm not sure you should," she paused when she saw his stricken look. She bent down to bring her to his level. "You've done nothing wrong, and John loves you dearly, but he needs some time on his own. You do understand, don't you?"

Jamie wiped at his eyes, "I'll try to, Mummy. Can you and me go somewhere instead?"

She stroked his cheek, "Of course we can! Where do you fancy going?"

"There!" he pointed to a poster on the wall.

Donna grinned when she saw the picture. "Okay!" she told him, and he delightedly skipped along with her again.

~o~

Donna hadn't been in a funfair for years! Jamie proved to be an amazing shot with the balls on several stalls, winning a coconut and a teddy bear by hitting tin cans. He refused to use the air rifle she was pleased to note, and now he was enjoying the carousel, whizzing passed her and waving like a maniac.

She'd left the Doctor and Teddie 'oohing' and 'ahing' over some piece of machinery; a traction engine if she remembered correctly. A funfair and steam engines all in one place; what more could they want?

As they went to buy an ice cream they found a very anxious little girl. "What's the matter, love? Are you lost?" Donna asked her.

But the girl gave her a wistful look. Jamie immediately went on his charm offensive, "Hello, I'm Jamie and this is my mummy. She's called Donna. Where's your mummy?" He grinned broadly at her. "Would you like an ice cream too?"

The girl eyed their ices enviously. "I'd love one, but I have to ask Daddy," she told them. There was a Scottish burr to her voice.

"You don't live round near here, do you?" Jamie noted. "I'm sure your daddy won't mind, will he, Mummy?"

"I'll tell you what, I'll buy you one and if your daddy disapproves I'll eat it instead. How's that?" Donna asked the little girl.

She got a beaming smile in reply, "Yes, thank you." She watched Donna until Jamie spoke to her again.

"I like your glasses. They look very pretty on you," he told her as he delicately licked at his ice cream.

She blushed. "Thank you. I like your tie," she complimented him in return.

He grinned, "Thank you. It's my favourite one. I like you."

"I like you too," she was smiling broadly now. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No. Do you have a boyfriend?" he shuffled with embarrassment.

"No!" she giggled, and they smiled together.

Donna appeared, noting their little exchange, "There you go, one small ice cream just in case it's not allowed, er…"

"Evie. My name's Evie," the little girl readily offered now. The two children continued to grin at each other.

"Evie's my new girlfriend," Jamie eagerly told Donna.

She fought desperately to contain her laugh in response, "Is she? That's wonderful! Just don't get married yet, will you?"

"Mummy!" Jamie exclaimed with exasperation. "I haven't even asked her, so I can't marry her, can I?"

"You have to ask my daddy first," Evie pointed out. "In all the stories the hero asks the father for permission first."

"Where is your daddy?" Jamie asked as he looked around. "Shouldn't he be looking for you?"

Evie's little face fell, "I don't know where Daddy is! He went to look at something and I lost him."

"Don't worry," Jamie rubbed her arm in consolation; Donna felt so proud of him! "My Daddy is excellent at sorting things out… well, once Mummy points him in the right direction."

Donna couldn't hold in her laugh at that one. "We'll stand here in full view and he's bound to see you eventually. In the meantime we'll stay and keep you company."

Evie looked much happier at the news that she wouldn't be on her own. She reached out and took Jamie's hand. He blushed a delightful pink, but he didn't let go. "We're here on holiday. Daddy gets a bit forgetful since Mummy died, but he's getting better," Evie told them conversationally.

Donna felt her heart melt for the child, and had to resist hugging her tightly. It isn't done to hug stranger's children; it gets you into all sorts of trouble. She found that one out on other planets, so here was bound to be worse. "What does your daddy look like, you know, what was he wearing, so that I know what to look out for?" Donna asked gently.

"Erm… Daddy was wearing his leather jacket and black trousers I think," Evie gave a little shrug. "He's taller than you."

'Well, that's something to be getting on with', Donna thought with relief. As if the thought conjured him up a man with a desperately anxious expression came running towards them. "Evie! Evie! Is that you?" he called out.

Jamie stood and viewed him aghast. "Mummy…?" he started to turn to ask the inevitable question.

The man ignored them and knelt down to hug Evie, "Where did you go? I thought I'd lost you!"

"We found her! Mummy bought her an ice cream, and she…," Jamie proudly told him and then stuttered once the man gazed at him. Jamie took a deep breath, "Can I marry your daughter?"

To say the man was amused was putting it mildly. He roared with laughter, "I can't leave you for five minutes and you're trying to get married!"

"This is Jamie, Daddy, and his mummy. She's called Donna," Evie made the introductions; and Donna found herself looking at another Doctor lookalike. How many did he have in total?

The man shook a stunned Donna's hand. "Thank you, Donna, I'm Dave. I can't tell you how grateful I am you found her and looked after her," he smiled with relief.

"You're very welcome," Donna found herself lost in his smile for a second. "Seeing as we have budding young love here, do you want to arrange a future play date?"

"Ah, I'm recently widowed, and I don't think…," his voice trailed off.

Donna wanted to cry out 'I didn't mean me!' but knew it was inappropriate. "Okay, but if you want Evie to meet Jamie again you can reach us here," she handed him a card with their name and her mum's home details.

"Thanks!" he shoved the card into a pocket without looking at it.

Jamie's face showed that he did not approve. He took Evie's hand again, and told her, "We will meet again, I promise." He placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.

"Goodbye Jamie," Evie kissed his cheek in return, and then took her father's hand. "Good bye Donna, thank you for looking after me."

Donna and Jamie stood waving as they watched them walk away. "Mummy, he looked just like Daddy!" he gasped in astonishment.

"More like Daddy or Uncle John?" Donna teased him. "I liked the accent though!" But Jamie didn't answer her, he merely giggled.

They saw the Doctor in the distance waving at them, and started to walk towards him. "Mummy, will I see Evie again?" Jamie asked in a half-whisper.

"If you're lucky!" Donna gave him a wink. "Though you have asked for her hand in marriage… that sort of means you ought to meet her again."

"Do you think Daddy would be annoyed if I asked to?" he did his cutesy face.

Donna kissed his forehead, "Ask him! He's bound to be intrigued."

Jamie's face lit up and he raced into his father's arms. "Daddy! Daddy! Guess what! I'm getting married!"

Donna inwardly groaned. How was she going to explain this one? She plastered on her best smile and greeted her husband.

.


	16. The Cow's In The Corn

**Warning:** Contains cute children; and a reference to my fic Wishing On A Star.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and is looking up an 'old' girlfriend. This is a sequel to The Sheep's In The Meadow.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these Doctor Who characters apart from the people I've given them to love.

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay in updating this – would you believe it's been 3½ months? – but other things jumped in the way.

* * *

**The Cow's In The Corn **

.

John looked down at the piece of paper in his hand with utter disgust.

"Uncle John? Nanny just phoned to say that a large envelope has arrived for you," Teddie announced.

"She did? Did she also say what was written _on_ the envelope?" he asked cautiously.

"Something about registers or something…," the boy searched his memory.

"Was it Register of Electors by any chance?" John put in helpfully.

"That's it!" Teddie exclaimed; and then sobered. "Why did you write to them?... Oh you didn't, did you?"

John blushed. "Yes I did. Not that I know if it's any business of yours!"

"Sorry, Uncle John; but I thought you were happy with Ashlie," Teddie replied sheepishly.

John gave him a consoling smile. "I am; but I applied for that list ages ago. I'd almost forgotten I'd requested it."

"I promise not to say anything if that helps," Teddie offered. "But what are you going to do if it has the information you want?"

"I don't know; I really don't know," John admitted.

~o~

"Are you ever going to open that envelope, or is it a new piece of artwork to hang on the wall?" Donna asked him.

John eyed the large envelope sitting on the table in front of him cautiously. "I have to work myself up to it. There's no rush, is there?"

"None whatsoever, but if Roberta exists here then you will have to deal with it at some point, so you might as well get it over and done with," she reasoned. She placed a gentle hand over the top of his one lying on the table top. "Think Band-Aid plaster… just rip it open."

"I can't!" he almost wailed. "I might ruin my whole life if it…"

"Or you might make it a heck of a lot better!" she gazed intensely at him. "I can't tell you what to do; but I can be here for you whatever happens."

"Oh Donna!" he turned into her embrace and let her hug him tightly. After a few seconds he sniffed, making her release him, and then with one fell swoop he ripped open the envelope and read the documents within.

"Well?" she asked eventually. "Is she there?"

"Yes," he answered softly. "She's living in Hertfordshire." He handed the relevant paper to Donna to read. He gave a wry laugh, "At least it doesn't say she is married, so there's hope yet."

"I wonder if Ashlie will feel that way," Donna muttered in a low voice. She couldn't help feeling that this news would make someone very unhappy.

~o~

Jamie was practising his dance steps. If he concentrated hard enough he could convincingly imagine a dance partner. But he'd improvised with his old teddy bear just in case…

"What are you doing?" Teddie asked as Jamie suddenly halted. "Is this a Louie Spence moment, or a Billy Elliot one?"

Jamie blushed a deep red. "I was practising for my… thingy," he mumbled.

"Your thingy? Sorry, but the TARDIS didn't translate that for me. What's a thingy?" Teddie pushed.

"I meant…," Jamie stammered a bit more. "My wedding."

"Good grief! When was this planned?" Teddie roared with laughter. "And who is the unlucky girl?"

"The only unlucky thing about her is her mum is dead!" Jamie angrily retorted.

"Oh, her!" Teddie realised who Jamie was talking about now. He moved forward and put his arm consolingly around his brother. "Sorry to tell you this bruv, but you'll probably never see Evie again. I'll tell you what, next time we go to Nanny's I'll help you find another girlfriend; that'd be double the old Noble charm!" He smiled his brightest smile, and Jamie begrudgingly smiled back.

"I suppose you're right," Jamie sighed. "And we do have a lot of charm I've noticed. Do you think Uncle John has our touch?"

"Oh I'm sure of it," Teddie agreed. "Look at how many women threw themselves at him in that office. We'll be beating off girls with sticks by the time we're half as old as that."

Jamie giggled, "Perhaps we ought to start building ourselves a sonic screwdriver that acts as a taser?"

"Don't tell Dad," Teddie whispered low, "but I'm already building one."

"Really?" Jamie exclaimed with glee. "Can I see it?"

"Come on then," Teddie tugged on Jamie's shoulder encouragingly. "And afterwards we'll go have some tea."

~o~

John stood outside the suburban house, and adjusted his jacket sleeves awkwardly. As he stood there it seemed a really stupid idea to turn up on the doorstep of a complete stranger and ask if they were the love of his life. He turned and caught sight of Donna watching him anxiously from the street corner; she quickly gave him the thumbs up, so he stepped forward.

The front gate squeaked loudly, announcing his arrival, and a dog barked nearby. Taking in a deep breath, he raised the door knocker. Within moments, a grumpy teen opened the door and scowled at him. "We don't want one!" she told him.

"Good, because I'm not selling anything," he replied. He could see the girl weighing him up.

"We don't want Jesus either," she responded, not so tersely this time.

"Shame; because I hear he might be interested in you. I'm not from any church; I'm looking for Roberta Smythe. Can you help me?" he smiled his best smile.

The teen gave a snort of recognition, pulled back from the door to slightly close it, and yelled out, "Bobbie! There's a bloke at the door! Says he's looking for you!"

"Ask what he wants!" a recognisable voice from his past called back.

"What do you want with her?" the teen asked John bluntly, looking him over again.

"Can I just see her for myself? I don't know how to explain this…," he glanced back towards Donna nervously.

The teen followed his glance. "Who's she? Your wife?"

His face lit up as he stifled a laugh, "Don't let her hear you say that. She's my sister, in-law. She's the best!"

Roberta appeared at the door, and took possessive hold of it next to the teen, "You want me? Am I in some sort of trouble?"

"Oh no!" he quickly reassured her. "I'm not here on behalf of anyone else. I know this will sound stupid, but I came here to see you for myself," he rubbed the back of his neck bashfully. "I've heard wonderful things about you from an old boyfriend of yours."

"Was it Andy? He was pretty sweet on me," she grinned. "So what exactly can I do for you… erm…?"

"I'm John," he leapt forward to shake her hand. "John Noble!" He clasped her hand eagerly, relishing the feel of her soft skin.

Obviously liking what she saw, Bobbie pointed towards Donna, "Do you and your sister-in-law want to come in for a cup of tea?"

John beckoned Donna over with sheer delight.

~o~

"That went well," Donna hugged him. "How do you feel about it?"

John squeezed her back, "I feel pretty good. I think this version of Roberta likes me."

Donna laughed, "I think that was an understatement! She couldn't keep her eyes off you, you heart throb, you." She pecked his cheek, "You know what the big question is now, don't you?"

"Do you feel like cooking me a roast dinner when we get home?" he asked hopefully.

She swatted his arm; "It isn't Sunday yet, silly!"

"We could move the TARDIS so that it is Sunday," he suggested. "There's no harm in that, surely?"

"Depends if you want to miss the Doctor's chilli or not," she countered.

John scrunched up his face in thought, "Ooh! Now you've set me a difficult one. Erm… no, I don't want to miss that."

She watched him lick his lips in anticipation, and giggled, "You are such a big kid!"

"I'm still not that old remember," he huffed. "I'm nowhere near as old as you… Ow!"

"Serves you right!" she blew on her fist proudly. "Don't diss the Donna!"

"Never!" he agreed. "Anybody that does, just send them to me!"

"Why? What are you going to do to them? Give them a badge and a membership card? Victims of Donna unite!" she guffawed.

"No Donna!" he sincerely grabbed at her hand. "I'd protect you to my death."

"Geroff!" she scoffed. "You'd abandon me as soon as look at me if there was another woman about!"

"Donna! Stop putting yourself down!" he scowled at her. "I thought you'd gotten over feeling that way?" He gazed at her intently, almost whispering, "Things are okay between you and the Doctor, aren't they?"

"Of course they are! You'd know better than anybody if things were wrong," she patted his cheek fondly. "Now stop stressing, will you?"

"I can't help it. I seem to have inherited it from somewhere," he leant happily into her touch. "Can I take you home with me, Ms Nobel?"

"You certainly can, Mr Nobel. There are several helpings of chilli with your name on them waiting there," she smirked.

"Oi! I don't eat that much!" he tried to protest. "Alright, perhaps I do. But I'm lovely with it."

"I never said otherwise," she smiled as she took his arm. They hurried home towards the TARDIS.

~o~

TBC


	17. But Where's The Boy?

**Warning:** Contains a swear word; scenes you might not want to imitate later, and bits you might...and a bit of heart break!

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and is confessing about an 'old' girlfriend. This is a sequel to The Cow's In The Corn.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these Doctor Who characters apart from the people I've given them to love.

* * *

**But Where's The Boy? **

.

"Well?" the Doctor greeted John. "Did you see her?"

John looked sheepishly back at him, "Yes. Yes I did; and she… she seemed reasonably keen to see me again."

"Keen? She was positively drooling over him," Donna commented as she sipped her tea.

"What did you do?" the Doctor swung to ask Donna. "Come on, own up! This has your meddling all over it."

"I did nothing; nothing at all!" she protested as John giggled. "I stood on the corner and she asked me in. I nodded in all the right places, and was perfectly charming. Wasn't I John?"

"Oh yes!" he readily agreed. "She said nothing embarrassing, made the odd mention about you and the boys, and… hang on…," he had a sudden thought so he eyed Donna suspiciously. "What was all that about me being all tall and how long my legs were, and… Oh my God! You didn't, did you?"

"What?" she tried to look innocent. "So I bigged you up! No harm in that, surely?" She took a slurp of her tea as though she were unaffected by his question.

"Donna! Tell me you didn't imply John would be good in the bedroom," the Doctor implored her.

She placed his cup of tea nearer to him in encouragement, and then delicately sipped her own cup again. "Might have done," she said quietly. "What's wrong with that? The other Roberta thought he was dynamite!"

John blushed a deep red. "Donna! That was in confidence!"

She placed a consoling hand on his arm, "Sorry Bubbers! I thought you'd told him… but if she's likely to go with sexual attraction is it so bad to help things along?"

"So what about you, Donna?" the Doctor smirked at her. "Do you think that implies I'm dynamite in the bedroom?"

She leant across to peck him on the cheek, "I was thinking more in terms of a damp squib to be honest!"

"Why you little…," he spluttered. "Come here and say that!"

They both stood as Donna moved nearer to tease him. "That!" she retorted with glee.

The Doctor attacked her ribcage with tickles. "Take it back!" he demanded.

Donna physically crumpled under the onslaught. "Never!" she spat out.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her, bringing her face up to his, "Do I have to make you eat your words, or are you going to comply?" he playfully threatened.

"What are you now? A flipping Borg?" she giggled. "Of course I'm not going to say you're sexually dynamite. Who do you think I am?" she gave a snort. "I might say you're sexy, at a push…," she started to offer, but the Doctor was claiming her mouth by this point, kissing her with fervour.

"Oi! Brother in the room here!" John protested. "Can't you two do that somewhere else?"

"No," the Doctor broke from Donna briefly to reply and then carried on accosting his wife.

John watched them share several more kisses before he got up in disgust. "Don't mind me… I'm just part of the furniture apparently," he huffed. Seeing his presence was having no effect on them, he put his cup in the sink and headed out of the kitchen to leave them to it.

~o~

"Uncle John? Can we feed the ducks after you've met Ashlie?" Jamie gave John his best cute look.

"We'll go see them, but I don't have anything to feed them with," John gave the boy's hand a squeeze as Jamie happily walked along with him in the park near Sylvia's. "Are you going to be okay playing on the swings without me for a bit while we talk?"

"Of course I will!" Jamie replied enthusiastically. His face turned into a little frown, "Are you… is Ashlie going to be very upset? Will she cry?"

"I don't honestly know," John admitted, giving Jamie a weak smile. "We'll just have to see."

"There she is!" Jamie called out, and waved madly at Ashlie as she approached. "Good luck, Uncle John," he whispered before running up to Ashlie, giving her a big hug 'hello' and then heading for the playground.

"He seems keen!" Ashlie commented as she reached John. She went to kiss him and was concerned by his lack of response. "That serious, eh?"

"Yes. We need to talk," he took hold of her hand and led her to the nearest bench. Her heart sank to the bottom of her boots; those words never carried good news. "I have a confession," he meekly told her as they sat down. "I ran into an old girlfriend the other day, and…"

"And?" Ashlie asked, dreading the answer. All sorts of scenarios flashed through her mind, and none of them ended happily.

He averted his gaze, "And I think I might still have feelings for her." His tone was soft, as though he was discussing choosing a new jumper or something.

"What does that mean for me?" she tried not to add a little sniff, she really did! But tears were silently falling down her cheeks, and she felt powerless to stop them.

"I honestly don't know," he admitted, finally lifting his gaze to hers. He tried to give her a watery smile. "I don't want to lose you, but I also don't want to miss this opportunity. If you can bear to wait for me I'd like to find out. If you don't, I understand perfectly. You deserve better than me."

Shocked by his words, she took the logical reaction that saved face. "You bastard!" she shouted out, standing up with the need to get as far away from him as possible. "You utter bastard!"

He flinched, waiting for a physical attack, but it didn't come. Instead she threw her hands up to cover her lower face as she sobbed; and she ran as fast as she could. She ran until she didn't know where she was or where she was going. All she knew was the fact that she had to get as far from this place as possible.

He watched her go, knowing he'd just broken the heart of one of the nicest people he'd ever met and probably wouldn't be allowed to see again. His attention was ripped away from Ashlie's retreating form by Jamie calling out to him.

"Don't worry, Uncle John, I'm still here," Jamie cried out, and wrapped his little arms as tightly as he could around John as he wept on the bench. "Me and Mummy will make it all okay," Jamie whispered, causing John to sob even more.

John hugged Jamie back just as tightly, and wondered why did love have to hurt so much, and why do we have to hurt so many people?

A few minutes later a soft kiss was placed on his head and a warm body sat next to him, wrapping their arms around him too. "It'll be alright, Bubbers," she crooned to him. "I know it hurts, but you did the right thing being so honest."

He turned his tear-soaked face to her, "Then why does it hurt so much, Donna? Why?"

She kissed him again, "Because you're human, and because you care." She lovingly swept the hair out of his face, "Because you're beautiful."

He let her rock him until the pain numbed a little, and Jamie squeaked with being crushed. They never got to feed the ducks that day.

~o~

Sylvia gave John's shoulder a squeeze as he sat at her dining table, "Would you like some more cake, dear?"

John sullenly shook his head, "No thank you."

Sylvia threw a worried look at Donna before caressing his head, "Perhaps you'll want it later; when you feel more normal. You look tired, dear. Do you want to have a lie down?"

"No, I'm fine," he gave Sylvia a teary, forlorn look; and her heart melted. He returned her offered embrace with relish.

"Wonders will never cease," Donna whispered next to the Doctor's ear.

He wrapped an arm around her, and whispered back, "I never thought I'd see that, that's for sure. Do you think she's possessed?"

Donna swatted his arm and tried hard not to giggle. So he kissed her, thinking that if Sylvia was changing into someone who could hug and care it was worth risking a display of affection.

"You can get that smirk off your face, Doctor!" Sylvia fired at him immediately, returning his world back to normality. "I can see what you're up to!"

"Sorry, Mum!" he deliberately replied, causing a caustic expression to appear on Sylvia's face, but he knew he was safe while John was in her arms.

Sylvia's well-practised glare had no effect on the Doctor as yet again he blessed the day he decided to bring John back.

~o~

TBC


	18. Who Looks After The Sheep?

**Warning:** Contains scenes you might want to imitate later.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and is meeting up with an 'old' girlfriend. This is a sequel to But Where's The Boy?

* * *

**Who Looks After The Sheep?**

.

John sat listlessly on the settee. Teddie bounced down next to him, "How you doing, Uncle John? Feeling any better?"

John considered the boy's beaming face. "A bit," he offered. "What have you been up to?"

"Oh, you know. This and that," Teddie answered vaguely. "Just a bit of tinkering."

"What sort of tinkering?" John's interest was instantly aroused.

Teddie looked stricken for a moment. "Something I've made, don't worry! I wouldn't do anything to the TARDIS… she means too much to me!" he stammered. He thrust his hand into his trouser pocket and brought out his latest version of a sonic screwdriver, handing it over to his uncle with pride. "What do you think?"

"Ooh! That's a beaut!" John enthused as he handled the sonic with reverence. "Any chance of firing up this baby later?"

"I don't see why not," Teddie widely grinned back at him. "We could do some target practise testing if you like?"

"Oh I like!" John responded with the first genuine smile for days, causing Teddie to smile smugly back.

~o~

"What is it with Sylvia and not liking you?" John asked the Doctor. He passed him a small spanner as they sat on the TARDIS grating adjusting some dooflippery and jointly peered at the wiring with wonder.

The Doctor chuckled. "She always seems to think I'm going to molest Donna in front of her or something! She often tells her to cover up because of me. Take yesterday for instance," he warmed up to this topic of conversation, "we were sitting there talking to Wilf when suddenly Sylvia shouted at Donna to cover up her knees."

"Her knees?" John wondered. "What's the problem with her knees?"

"Goodness knows!" the Doctor shook his head. "The ridiculous thing is that I've seen far more of Donna than her bare knees! I was there at the boys' births for a start!"

"Are you sure about that?" John quizzed him. "Because that's not what I heard."

"Didn't you?" the Doctor did his trademark sniff. "Okay, I missed Jamie's by a few minutes; but I was there soon after."

John snickered, "Yeah, keep telling yourself that, mate!"

"Oi! You're supposed to be on my side, remember," the Doctor nudged his shoulder.

John playfully nudged back. "'Course I am! I'm family after all," he smiled.

The Doctor laid a friendly hand on his back, "You're more than that."

"Stop it! You'll be kissing me next," John grinned in embarrassment, sensing something touchy feely might be in the wings.

"Is that what you're after from me?" the Doctor narrowly eyed him, and scrunched his face up in disgust. "That would be all levels of wrong."

"Tell me about it," John sympathised; and they laughed together.

~o~

Donna stood with John as he waited at the Tube station entrance. "I'll wait with you until she turns up and then I'll make some excuses. Is that okay?" she looked to him for confirmation.

He gripped her hand anxiously, "Could we just make our joint excuses and head for John Lewis'?"

"You daft bugger!" she swatted his arm, ignoring his pleading look. "How long have you waited for this moment? Come on, tell me!"

"I don't know! Months!" he whined quietly. He stamped slightly petulantly, "Why can't it be over?"

"It will be soon… look, here she comes," Donna smiled at a person behind him. "Hello Bobbie!" she called out, waving madly.

The two women greeted each other with a hug and a kiss while John looked on proudly. "Hello John!" Bobbie greeted him with a more cautious greeting; but it was almost a proper hug, he was pleased to note.

He also noted how Bobbie tossed her long fiery hair over her shoulder, the way she pressed her coat to try and conceal her impressive chest, or rack, as Jack would say; and the whole effect stirred him in a very warm way.

It was agreed that they'd go and see an afternoon film. John was particularly excited because he'd only been to the cinema once before; so Donna indulged his need to buy ice cream, popcorn and a large drink before deliberately placing herself on the end with John in the middle. As the film played out John was enraptured with it, following every scene keenly, until Donna leant across and whispered that perhaps he could watch it properly later in the TARDIS and that this was an ideal opportunity to get more physical with Bobbie. His 'what?' look back at her was priceless! So she silently gestured at him to get on with it.

Shyly, he reached out his hand and took hold of Bobbie's, giving her a ready smile when she gawped at him. Amazed at how bashful he was, Bobbie kissed his cheek before working her way towards his mouth. John grinned widely; now this was how his Roberta acted! He turned to eagerly capture her lips, revelling in her softness but keeping away from her body for now. He wanted to caress her; oh how he wanted to, but this Roberta might be completely different in her tastes.

Spotting her opportunity to escape, Donna gave his knee a squeeze in a pre-arranged way, and headed out of the cinema without a great deal of reluctance. She'd no doubt catch Gnomeo & Juliet later with the boys, if she could persuade them to watch it with her. She flinched as she entered the outside sunlight and pulled out her phone. "Hello? We have lift off!" she chortled in the mouthpiece. "Put the kettle on, love, I'll be home in a minute." She did a little celebration dance as she walked the rest of the way home.

~o~

"What's she like exactly?" the Doctor quizzed Donna. "Is she good enough for him?" he asked as he placed her large mug of afternoon tea in front of her, as well as a packet of biscuits.

Donna took one and dunked it into her tea thoughtfully. "She seems nice," she got out through a mouthful of soggy goodness, "and she seemed pretty keen on John, so I think he might get lucky."

"In what way?" he dunked his own biscuit as he contemplated her.

"Do I really have to spell it out?" she huffed. "Use your imagination!"

"Oh! Like that!" he blushed. "On the first date? Are you sure?"

She grinned wolfishly at him, and moved to sit in his lap. "Are you forgetting what you got up to on our first date?" she reminded him.

"That's different!" he spluttered. "We'd known each other for over three years by then."

"Had we?" she quirked an eyebrow. "We weren't with each other all that time; only for the best part of one of those years."

"Yes! But even so, we _knew_ each other, so it's not the same thing as just meeting someone off the street," he protested.

She caressed his sideburns, tenderly asking, "So why did you invite me along when you'd known me less than a day, eh?"

"Well… I… and you…," he mouthed weakly.

"I thought so," she smiled sweetly at him. "You give a convincing argument."

He pulled her closer in his embrace, giving her an eyebrow waggle. "Anything else I can talk you into?"

"Hmm, what were you considering?" she wondered, returning his delicate kisses.

He vaguely made a sound that could have been 'I don't know!' as he deepened their kisses; weaving his hands into her glorious hair and pressing her luscious body against his.

She loved it when he was sexy like this, when her whole universe became him and her need to please him. It was as she was working out how far they could take things as they sat there that the illusion was shattered. "Mum! What's for dinner?" Teddie's voice interrupted them.

Donna broke from the Doctor in a daze, "What darling? What did you ask?"

Teddie snickered, "I asked what we were having for dinner, but I can see you and Dad are eating each other!"

Donna swatted at his bottom as the Doctor glared at him, "Have you finished your lessons for today, young man?"

"Yes, Dad!" Teddie readily replied. "I've left my project on your work bench for you to inspect."

"Good!" the Doctor sniffed. "There's tea in the pot, and a biscuit if you want one."

"Thanks, Dad!" Teddie leant across to help himself from the packet. "Can I take one for Jamie?"

They both nodded as the Doctor answered, "Yes! Dinner will be in about an hour."

"See you later!" Teddie called out as he ran to see his brother.

Waiting until he was out of earshot, Donna said, "What do we do now? Somebody's stole our babysitter!"

The Doctor sighed, "I suppose I'll have to start being nice to your mother again."

They shared some more brief kisses and then reluctantly stood to start the evening meal.

~o~

John staggered back into the TARDIS in a daze! Wow! That had been fantastic! Bobbie was just as good as Roberta had been. He was about to make his way down the corridor to his room when Donna's voice halted his footsteps.

"How did it go, Bubbers?" she barely could be heard.

He swept her up into his embrace and twirled her around. "Absolutely marvellously" he exclaimed gleefully.

"Whoa! You'll make me sick," she warned him, but her face was lit up by a large grin. As her feet met the grating again, she pressed for more information, "And how far did you get exactly? I'm assuming she didn't stop at holding hands!"

"You are a knowing witch," he laughed. "She did far more than that. She…" He blushed a deep red.

"That far huh?" she playfully punched his arm. "Explains the massive change in mood."

"Donna!" he replied in shocked tones. "You'd get me hung!"

"There's a joke there; but I'm not going there," she retorted. She held out her hand to him, "Come on. Let's go make some tea and you can tell me all about it."

He took her hand willingly, "What makes you think I'll tell?"

"Oh you will," she smiled smugly. "They always do."

~o~

TBC


	19. He's Under A Haystack

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and met up with an 'old' girlfriend. This is a sequel to Who Looks After The Sheep?

**A/N:** I think I to need to clarify that the word 'moosh' means 'mate' (or it did years ago) round these parts.

**A/N2:** You might notice this was originally written for Mother's Day. :)

* * *

**He's Under A Haystack… **

.

Donna waited until the kettle had boiled and was placing a cup of tea in front of John before she waded in with her most important question. "So… how far exactly did you get? Not that it's any of my business or anything; but if you want to tell me, I'd willingly listen," she pressed for information from him.

He laughed uproariously. "I somehow think I won't get far from this table if I don't tell you! Or you'd combust with curiosity, I can't decide which would come first," he told her.

"Forget all that. Just tell me!" she almost begged, grabbing his hand again for good measure.

"I'm tempted not to say," he teased. "A gentleman doesn't divulge all."

"If that was the case you wouldn't have told me about your shenanigans with Roberta," Donna countered, "So you _have_ to tell me now!"

"Is someone a little bit desperate to hear?" he mocked her.

She took hold of his tie and pretended to twist it harshly in her hand. "Listen here, moosh! You are going to tell me, or I may be forced to punch you in the throat!"

"Calm down!" he tried not to laugh at her. "I'll tell you everything, officer." Donna let go of him, so he smoothed his hands down his clothing. "Right; after you left we kissed for a bit, like you do. Then we went and had something to eat; we had a bit of a cuddle as we walked along before you feel the need to ask! I took her home, and she invited me in for a coffee… yeah, that was a bit awkward, turning down her offer of instant like that," he scowled at the thought of the unwanted beverage. "And then we…erm... we snogged for a bit longer, it was starting to get a bit heated when Katrina turned up."

Donna gasped in sympathy, "The teen Katrina? Oh my! How embarrassing on a scale of one to ten?"

"I'd say close to nine," John pinked up. "I won't make that mistake again!"

"You'll be jailed for influencing minors if you're not careful! It might shock her out of being so surly… what was Katrina doing back there anyway?" Donna wondered.

"Bobbie said she could stay there until the argument with her parents blew over. Shows she's a good aunt to be that nice to Katrina, I suppose…," John mused.

"Or it shows Bobbie didn't trust you and arranged to be interrupted," Donna offered. She noticed John's face fall. "What is it Bubbers?"

"When I first met Roberta she didn't trust me but was willing to have sex," he confessed. "What does that say?"

"Truthfully? I think she has a problem," she patted his hand. "You on the other hand have to decide whether all this fuss has been about gaining a sex life or something much deeper. I can see why you were attracted to her in the first place though."

"You can?" he asked enthusiastically.

"With looks like hers, and a body to die for? You must be kidding," she giggled. "I'm keeping the Doctor well out of the way for the time being."

"He'll get suspicious, if he isn't already. And you've got nothing to worry about," he told her with meaning. "He'd never look at another woman."

She sadly shook her head, "Nothing is impossible, only improbable."

"Donna! He loves you and wouldn't want to give that up. I know that for certain," he insisted, holding her hand tightly to his chest in emphasis.

But she still smiled a sweet smile back at him in disbelief. "Nothing's certain in this life, John. You thought you loved the same woman as him once, remember," she pointed out.

"And I had the sense to know I didn't within hours of being born, so don't use her against me!" he pouted angrily. Having said that, he wasn't sure he'd helped the Doctor's case in any way. "Donna, why didn't you both look for her when you came for me?" he asked softly.

"I only wanted to find you. We had time to find Rose, but he never suggested it. I don't know why; I never asked," she admitted, equally softly.

He wiped a stray tear from her eye. "You were frightened to," he stated, knowing her feelings as easily as his own. "He loves _you_, not her."

"He never stops loving people; you know that! He hides it well, but it never truly goes away," she said.

"And you know how far he allowed those feelings to go in the past. Think, Donna! He never told her half of what he's told you. Don't ever lose sight of how special you are," he pleaded.

"But I'm replaceable," she whispered; and he pulled her into his embrace, desperate to comfort her.

He placed a kiss on her head. "I'll tell you what; if he ever dumps you I'll come to get you and marry you myself! How's that?" he gave her a consoling smile and was gladdened to get one in return.

"You'd not get a whippet then?" she asked playfully, referring back to an old joke of theirs.

"Not unless you desperately want one," he replied, and cradled her until the morose mood lifted from them both.

~o~

John happily cleaned the worktop and the hob as he finished clearing up the kitchen. "What tune are you humming, Uncle John?" Jamie asked as he sat finishing the Mother's Day card he'd made for Donna.

John approached him to check on his progress so far. "I don't know what it's called… That looks marvellous so far, Squeaks," he grinned encouragingly.

"Thank you, Uncle John!" Jamie beamed at him. He began to tidy away his painting materials, and suddenly pondered something, "Who do you have to make a card for, Uncle John? I suppose you could choose Nanny or Mummy."

John sat down next to him, "I've never thought of it before. It wasn't an issue when I was back in… I used to say I had no one. Do you think I should send a card?"

"Mummy has put your name on Nanny's card, so you don't have to," Jamie reasoned.

"Don't have to what?" Teddie asked as he sauntered in and helped himself to a glass of water.

"Make Nanny a Mother's Day card," Jamie answered readily. "Have you done Mummy a card?"

"Of course!" Teddie indignantly replied. "Just like the good son that I am." He took in John's demeanour, and went over to hug him. "How are you today, Uncle John?"

"Fine! I'm fine," John answered almost too quickly.

"I can feel that you're not," Teddie supplied, causing John to hug him tightly back.

"It's this mother business, to be honest with you. I don't have a real mother," John admitted.

"I thought it was obvious!" Teddie reasoned. "You have the same mum as us, surely?"

"Hmm, that's the problem; whose mother do I share?" John pondered.

Jamie clung to his hand too, the three of them like a tableau. "That's obvious too," insisted Teddie. "You share with all of us, so that sort of gives you three."

"Or none," John said quietly.

Jamie gave him a soulful look. "I'd always share with you, Uncle John," he declared.

There wasn't much he could say after that, so John gave both boys a big hug and a kiss.

~o~

Sylvia almost squealed with delight when they turned up on her doorstep and handed over her gifts and cards. As she made her way through opening them, she exclaimed with delight, "Oh look Dad! This one's from John!"

"Is it?" John began to ask until Donna quickly socked him in the arm and gestured for him to shut up.

"Very nice, lad!" Wilf encouraged him; and John felt himself blush in embarrassment at the unearned praise. It was even worse when Sylvia insisted on hugging him until he almost squeaked.

John shot the Doctor a pleading glance; but got a 'make the most of it' mouthed back at him. Instead it was Jamie who rescued him. "Do you like my card, Nanny?" Jamie appeared by Sylvia's side to ask.

"Do I?" Sylvia crooned at him, and released John to make a fuss of her grandsons instead. "I think I might have something special for you both…," and with that, Sylvia led the boys away to give them a treat.

"Looks like Operation Babysitter is working," the Doctor whispered close to Donna's ear. He placed a kiss on her neck before continuing, "The boys will have her eating out of their hands soon and _we_ can arrange a treat of our own." He was running his fingertips up and down her arm suggestively, causing goosebumps in their wake.

Donna gulped. "What sort of treat were you thinking of?" she asked in hushed tones.

"You," he stated with feeling, capturing her mouth to kiss her deeply.

Donna absolutely revelled in his embrace, and poured all her love for him into their kiss.

"Not again!" she heard John complain to Wilf. "I get this all the time, Gramps. He just never leaves her alone." She knew John was saying mainly for her benefit, and she couldn't have loved him more in that moment.

"It must make you want to throw a bucket of water over them," Wilf laughed at John's discomfort. "Don't worry son; you'll soon have a girl of your very own."

"If I'm really lucky she'll be just like Donna," John replied, and Wilf had to agree with him; as did the Doctor, but he decided he'd say that to John in person later on.

~o~

TBC


	20. He's Fast Asleep

**Warning:** Contains a teeny amount of angst and scenes you might want to imitate later.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and the Doctor needs to give them 'a talk'. This is a sequel to He's Under A Haystack…

* * *

**…He's Fast Asleep**

.

The Doctor ushered the boys off to bed, took a deep breath and headed to the kitchen with a determined air. As usual Donna and John were seated sharing their gossip and teasing each other. It always hit the Doctor with a blow of jealousy to see them together; they fitted so well, like two pieces of the same puzzle.

Donna hadn't noticed the Doctor at the kitchen door yet. "Well I think purple could be quite a good colour on you. I don't understand why you're so resistant!" she complained.

"Why?" John pouted. "It's a girl's colour! It looks fine on you but…. " He waved vaguely at his body before his attention was caught by their observer. "Hello Doctor!"

"Hello," the Doctor replied, and entered into their comfy scenario, feeling like an intruder. "I think we all need to have a talk," he announced. He noticed the small look that passed between Donna and John, which spoke of panic, hurt, comfort and reluctance.

Donna partly stood to usher him in, "Do you want me to make fresh tea first?" She was pensive, as though this could go really badly for her.

"No," he replied decisively. "I need you to both pay attention." He pointed for her to sit down.

"What have I done wrong?" John blurted out worriedly, noting that the Doctor hadn't actually sat next to either of them, but he was still within striking distance.

"Some things cropped up when we were at Sylvia's last time and I feel we need to sort it out," the Doctor posed, eyeing them both carefully. "John, about your mother…I know we haven't discussed this properly. And yes…I know we should have done this ages ago, but I think we should assume she was the same as mine since we're so alike and you've claimed Sylvia as your stepmother."

"You'd let me share your mother?" John gawped at him. Donna quickly took John's hand to give moral support. "I don't know what to say… I… I never thought you'd do that. Thank you!" he blushed happily.

"You're welcome," the Doctor beamed back. "We have to confirm your status of uncle after all." He turned his attention onto Donna. "And as for you, young lady, there's something I need to say," he said as he reached out to take her free hand. He placed delicate kisses on her wrist, before moving up to her palm and then her fingertips. His voice dropped an octave as he contemplated her reaction; feeling her pulse rate quicken and tasting the pheromones she emitted. He wanted her in that moment; so much! "No one makes me feel this way; no one but you," he purred at her. "I chose you, and I've never regretted it so why would I look elsewhere? I want to show you exactly how much I want you in my life."

"I'll leave you two alone," John stated, and tried to leave but the Doctor put out a hand to momentarily halt his retreat.

"John, I need to ask a favour of you. Can you listen out for the boys until I get back to relieve you? Only, I need to tell my wife what she means to me and it might take some time," he told him sincerely.

"No problem, bruv," John let the Doctor clasp his hand in gratitude, and they acknowledged each other's feelings.

"Thanks!" the Doctor grinned broadly. He released John and took both of Donna's hands, "Are you ready to come with me, Ms Noble? We need to continue this in private."

"Any time, Dr Noble," she coyly replied. She let him draw her nearer until their lips gently touched.

He also pulled her up out of the chair at the same time, until he was embracing her whole body. "I love you," he whispered. "Do you hear me? I know I don't say it often enough but you are all that I want."

John tried not to watch them exchange passionate kisses as he made his hasty retreat from the kitchen and headed for the library. He thanked the TARDIS for relaying their conversation to the Doctor the day before, and got his own mental hug in reply.

~o~

About thirty minutes later a bleary eyed Jamie appeared in the library rubbing at his eyes. "Uncle John? I had a nightmare!" he sniffled.

"Aw, Squeaks!" he crooned. "Come and sit with me. I could do with one of your magical cuddles."

Jamie visibly brightened at his words. He wandered over and clambered onto John's lap to melt into his embrace. "I'm glad you're not dead," Jamie whispered.

"So am I!" John replied. "Is that what you dreamed about?"

Jamie nodded reluctantly. "Daddy did it. Teddie said…," he began to say and halted his words with a gasp of horror.

"It's okay, you can tell me," John gently told him. "I promise not to be annoyed."

Jamie lifted his deeply sad eyes to confess, "I don't want to hurt you, Uncle John, but Teddie said Daddy gets angry with you because of Mummy."

"Does he?" John softly asked. "Why's that do you think?"

"Teddie says it is jealousy because you are Mummy's friend; but I like you being Mummy's friend!" Jamie told him adamantly. "You do funny things together, and Nanny is happier." He wiped some tears away. "I don't want Daddy to kill you."

"It's okay," John told him, hugging him tenderly. "He'd never do that. I know he wouldn't so that makes your dream a nightmare and not what will happen."

"Do you promise?" Jamie whispered sleepily from somewhere next to John's chest.

"Yes," John said confidently, and watched over Jamie as he slipped further into sleep.

~o~

"John? Are we okay?" Donna asked tentatively from the doorway. "I feel you've been avoiding me for days."

He swung round on his seat to contemplate her. "No, we're okay. Honest! I just need some time, you know, to think things through." He gave her a reassuring smile that didn't quite make it to his eyes.

"But I thought..." she began to say, and then thought better of it. "I miss you, John," she whispered; and made her way back to the laundry room. Shutting the door silently behind her, she placed her hands over her face and wept.

He felt bad for upsetting her, he really did; but part of him was angry. It was stupid to take his anger out on her, he knew that, but he couldn't stop himself from doing so. She'd been the one that had created him in the first place! She'd encouraged him to fulfil his own life, with his own identity. She'd loved him unconditionally when everyone else only thought of him as 'the double' or 'the clone'. She'd talked the Doctor into searching for him; he hadn't realised how long that had taken until Teddie accidentally let it slip once. It seemed she had talked as much about him as he had about her! And he knew that had been an awful lot! Blimey, that was the reason why Roberta had been so attractive for him; she'd reminded him so much of Donna, and where he felt home was, he couldn't get enough of her. True, Roberta had used him during the period her boyfriend had gone off to 'find' himself, but John hadn't cared at the time. He had been with a beautiful ginger woman who frequently called him a prawn and he'd absolutely loved it. Well, he had, right up to the time that ponce Mark had waltzed back into Roberta's life and had taken her back.

Had he actually loved Roberta for being, well, Roberta? He wished he knew, but there had been so many other emotions mixed in at the time; especially homesickness, avoiding complications at Torchwood with Rose (he still hated thinking about her) and her misguided attitude towards him.

He knew for certain that he loved being back in the TARDIS; he loved the boys, oh how he loved them! He knew the Doctor was still wary of him, as though he expected John to move in on Donna; yes, he was sure that was the crux of the problem. And then there was Donna herself: mother, sister, sister-in-law, saviour, friend, comforter, and Uncle Tom Cobley and all! He also knew he had meant it when he'd made his magnanimous offer to have Donna if ever the Doctor dumped her. What did that make him? Oedipal? It wasn't healthy, that was sure.

A deep sigh escaped his lips. Should he leave the TARDIS and Donna? Let them have the marriage they should have without his interference? He'd miss them, and he knew they'd miss him, but perhaps it was inevitable. Sylvia would take him in, no problem, which left another problem to solve: what would he do with himself? There had never been anything he wanted more than be with what he knew to be his family.

As he sat back he simply thought 'bugger!'

* * *

TBC


	21. Will You Wake Him?

**Warning:** Contains lunging.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and they are having a home visit. This is a sequel to …He's Fast Asleep.**  
**

* * *

**Will You Wake Him?**

.

"Mum? Where are the boys?" Donna asked as she entered the kitchen, both her and the Doctor's hands full with carrier bags. They hastily plonked the bags on various work tops except the one that the Doctor disappeared out of the room with.

"They're watching a film with Dad. One of those cartoon ones he likes so much," Sylvia replied, taking back her car keys.

"Mummy!" squealed a small child that flung themselves at her legs. "We were watching one of Gramps' films and guess what? Daddy needs to go and punch someone on the nose in America!"

"Why does he need to do that, darling?" Donna asked, wondering what had upset him enough to suggest such a thing. She began unpacking the bags, handing various items to Jamie for him to put away with her.

"He needs to go and tell Mr Spielberg that he had no right to steal your life!" Jamie told her indignantly.

"He did? How did he do that?" Donna wondered.

"Shall I tell you?" Jamie offered as he sat himself down at the table. "Oops! Sorry, Mummy," he quickly added as he jumped up to fill the kettle at the sink. "Would you like a cup of tea, Nanny?" he asked Sylvia politely.

Sylvia grinned proudly at his thoughtfulness. "Yes please," she answered. "Aren't you going to ask your father?"

"No need to, Nanny!" he brightly told her. "Daddy always says yes, so I don't even bother now."

"Does he?" Sylvia chuckled as the Doctor entered the kitchen after having stowed away the bathroom items they'd bought.

"What? What did I do now?" he asked with a huffy sniff.

"Nothing, Spaceman," Donna kissed his cheek in consolation. "Jamie is just about to make us some tea."

"Ooh yes please!" he immediately enthused, and gained another chuckle from Sylvia, much to his annoyance.

John crashed through the patio doors equally heavily laden. "You could have waited for me!" he griped, somewhat out of breath. "Did you have to give me so many flipping bags?"

"You said you could deal with it," the Doctor answered. "So I let you deal with it."

"Ha ha, very funny!" he whinged. "That's the last time you get away with treating me like that, oh brother of mine," he complained with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

"Do I have to make you two kiss and make up again?" Donna threatened the two of them. "Good grief! You are worse than a pair of four year olds!"

"What? I thought at least you would have defended me!" John pouted angrily at her. "But oh no! Mr 'I married her so I get to have the last word' over there wins every single time!"

"John, she doesn't mean it like that," Sylvia tried to placate him. "You know that Donna loves you very much."

"Does she?" John didn't sound convinced as Jamie sidled over to hug his uncle.

"Oi! Don't start or we will have words," Donna pointed an angry finger at him. "And then you'll be sorry the next time you want me to take you shopping for new underwear."

"Donna, do you have to bring that little expedition up? I said I was sorry, didn't I? Now just leave it alone, please," he begged.

Sylvia looked curiously at them. "What shopping expedition? Is there something I should know about?" she asked.

The Doctor gave her a smirk. "Only if you desperately want to know how he looks in pink," he giggled. "With bows."

John's face was like thunder. "Do you have to tell all and sundry? Do you? I never mention your mistakes with the flowers, do I? But I do one thing wrong and I'm forever reminded of it like a bad smell!"

"John, sweetheart," Donna tenderly touched his arm to quell his anger. "It wasn't that bad, and you know it. And you could have used the purple spitting flowers or the ones that hummed like dead fish numerous times, but you didn't and do you know why?"

His expression softened. "No, why?"

"Because you are the nicest, kindest, most wonderful brother a person could have," she told him.

"We-ll," he gave an embarrassed shrug. "If you put it like that..."

"Good grief! Why do you always give in to him?" the Doctor demanded. "He gives you the patented puppy dog look and you cave in."

"I do not!" Donna insisted. "And if you acted less like a sulky brat and showed your brother a bit more compassion we wouldn't have these problems."

"Sulky brat?" The Doctor rounded on her. "Oh that's rich coming from you! He's got you wrapped around his little finger. All he has to do is say 'jump' and you ask how high."

"Why… You..." Her slapping hand hovered dangerously close to the Doctor's face. "If Jamie wasn't here you would be scrapping your face off that wall!"

"Since when did something like that stop you? But we can't do anything to upset your precious John, can we? Doesn't matter that he just insulted me!" the Doctor egged her on.

They glared at each other, anger oozing out of every pore as their nostrils flared.

"John?" Sylvia asked with a worried tone.

As quietly as he could John answered, "Don't worry...any moment now they'll..."

At that precise moment the Doctor and Donna lunged at each other, wrapping their arms and more importantly, their lips, around each other. They shared kiss after passionate kiss.

"See!" John smugly whispered to Sylvia. "Come on, Squeaks, show me this film you were watching." He let Jamie happily lead him away to where Teddie was engrossed in a film as Wilf napped in the armchair. "Did I hear something about needing to complain to someone?" he asked Jamie as they sat down on the settee, the boy wriggled until he was closely snuggled into John's side, his arm around him.

"Yes Uncle John. I was trying to tell Mummy that the film we saw stole her life story," Jamie tried to explain.

"How did it do that?" John asked with a puzzled frown as he didn't remember anything even slightly TARDIS based.

"Ah, see, it has this beautiful ginger woman who is rescued by someone she thinks she ought to marry; they both get angry with each when he tries to get her back; the bloke he gives her to gets eaten, they fall in love before all that, and she turns into the same thing he is before they live happily ever after." Jamie sat back, highly satisfied with his explanation.

"That does have a familiar ring to it," John admitted. His interest was piqued. He idly turned over the cover of a DVD box as he asked, "What was the name of this film again?"

"Shrek, Uncle John!" Jamie readily supplied.

John's eyebrows shot up into his hairline with astonishment before he broke into a hearty laugh. "Don't let your dad hear you call Time Lords a bunch of ogres, and I suppose that makes me Donkey! It could be worse."

Jamie started a fit of giggles. "Who gets to be the dragon?" Teddy asked from his position on the floor. "You need some idiot woman who falls in love with you to fill that position."

A name did come to John's mind but he thought it best not to mention her. "I've no idea who the dragon could be," he said with a faint chuckle. "But you get to be a sicky baby!" He playfully tapped the end of Jamie's nose, making him laugh even more.

Sylvia chose that moment to hand him a cup of tea. "Here you go!" she cheerfully said.

"Are they still at it?" John asked, trying to hide his amusement.

Sylvia glanced in the direction of the kitchen. "Yes, you'd think they'd only just got married. How do they do it?"

"You get used to it after a while." John leaned nearer to whisper, "I think they might be trying for another one." He swept his gaze over the boys to emphasise his point.

"John! We're just going to take some shopping into the TARDIS," the Doctor called out, with impressive timing John thought.

"Right oh!" John called back, and then shared a muffled laugh with Sylvia.

"I don't suppose we'll see much of them for an hour or so," she grinned knowingly at John.

"What is Mummy doing in the TARDIS?" Jamie innocently asked.

"Making daddy's swamp more comfortable," John told him, giving him a squeeze.

"They've gone to kiss each other, Jamie; just like they always do," Teddie offered from his low position on the rug. "You wouldn't want to stick around for all that, would you?"

"Ew! No!" Jamie readily agreed. "Can we have some lunch soon please, Nanny?" he asked as the distinct sound of a stomach grumble made them all laugh.

"I'll do lunch, Sylvia. You just sit there and rest," John smiled his widest smile at her.

Sylvia felt her heart melt. Why did he have such problems finding a girl to love him? She caught hold of his hand before he could walk away. "Don't you think it's about time you called me Mum?" she asked him.

John immediately blushed delightfully with embarrassment. "Oh well...that would be lovely...," he spluttered. "I'll go make some fresh tea."

Sylvia released him to allow him to escape her clutches. Instead, she leant across and lightly shook Wilf's knee. "Are you waking up for lunch, Dad?" she pleasantly asked.

"What? What did I miss?" Wilf bumbled awake.

"Just Princess Fiona and Shrek living happily ever after," Teddie told him drily. "Not much. Would you like me to see if there is any of your special pork pie left for you?"

"Yes please!" Wilf answered cheerfully. "With some pickle if you can find it."

"Dad!" Sylvia softly chided him, having given up policing his diet ages ago. "You look thoughtful, Jamie. What are you thinking about?"

He gave her his megawatt grin. "I was thinking, Nanny, how much Mummy lives in a fairy tale," he told her. "Do you think she's very lucky?"

Sylvia gave into the urge to stroke his hair. "Yes, very lucky indeed," she confessed with feeling as she watched Donna's boys bustle about doing lunch for them. "We've all been blessed," she added, giving her grandson a kiss on the forehead.

"I can't argue with that," Wilf chuckled in agreement with Sylvia.

* * *

TBC


	22. No, Not I

**Warning:** Contains angst; quite a bit.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and things are not going to plan. This is a sequel to Will You Wake Him?

**A/N:** I wrote this as my migraines, and accompanying angst, started to hit last week. I think it shows.

* * *

**No Not I**

.

John sat keeping a lonely vigil in the library. He toyed with the tassels on the cushion held in his arms as he thought about his predicament. He missed having fun with Donna; they'd done nothing but squabble lately, and it was all his fault. He knew that. If things had gone according to plan he would have been nestled up with Bobbie at that moment, but he had cancelled their date. The worst part was that he hadn't missed seeing her at all. What was he playing at with his life?

"John?" asked a soft, tender voice. "Are you okay?"

He hadn't realised he'd been hugging the cushion desperately until her voice had brought him out of his trance. "Donna?" he called out softly, bringing his face out into the light.

Immediately he felt her hands cradling his face, wiping away stray tears, as she cooed sweet nothings to sooth him. When she began to run her fingers through his hair, he could bear it no longer and planted his face on her lap, wrapping his arms around her; hugging her warmth for all he was worth. "I'm sorry," he mumbled into her stomach. "I'm so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Shh!" she sang to him. "It's okay now. I have you."

"I don't deserve you," he muttered. "I don't deserve anything."

"John Marvin Noble; are you feeling sorry for yourself, because you really shouldn't," she told him, as she continued to pet his hair. "You are an incredibly wonderful and lucky person."

He shook his head defiantly. "No I'm not," he insisted. "I'm a ratbag for taking it out on you."

"Well, I can't say that isn't true," she replied. "But it doesn't make me think any less of you."

He reached out and grabbed one of her hands, brought it to his lips and tenderly kissed it. "Thank you," he whispered. "You always make me feel better."

"That's what big sisters are for. Now do you want me to tuck you up in bed with your favourite teddy bear and tell you a bedtime story," she asked him.

He sat up then, with a slight grin on his features. "Now you're taking the mick! I know you, Donna Noble!"

"Thank goodness you do," she retorted. "You'd be a bugger to explain to everyone if you didn't." She wriggled on the sofa so that she was sitting more comfortably. "Is everything okay between us now; or have I got to stop being your friend?"

His face fell again. "I'm sorry…"

She stopped his babbling by placing a hand over his mouth. "Yes I know all that! Just tell me if things are back to normal, or have I lost you," she said.

He pressed his lips to the palm of her hand, making her retract it from his mouth. "I'm no longer lost, not where you're concerned. Can you forgive me?" he asked, using the whole kicked-puppy look.

"Already done," she confirmed, and leant forward to kiss his cheek.

He fought off his impulsive need to kiss her back properly, hating himself for feeling it. "I'd better go to bed," he told her instead. "I might shave off this beard tomorrow."

"Why?" she demanded, sounding shocked. "I think it looks lovely on you."

He gave a small shrug. "I fancy a change; you know; try a different look," he reasoned.

"Whatever you want, Bubbers," she replied, smiling at his discomfort.

~o~

"What the heck have you done?" the Doctor asked forcefully when John entered the kitchen the following morning. He eyed John very suspiciously. "You've used… Ew! Is that Brylcream on there?" he sneered at John's hairstyle.

"It's styling mousse! I thought you knew about these things," John replied tetchily. "Don't you like the new look?"

"It's different, I'll give you that. It was just a surprise after all the hairiness," the Doctor cautiously answered, waving a finger to denote his chin. "Makes you look older somehow."

"I do?" John rushed to find a reflective surface to consider himself in. "Older than you?"

"Well," the Doctor drawled, peering at John's reflection in the kettle too. "It's an optical illusion that hides your babyishness."

"Oi!" John called out indignantly. "I am not a baby!"

"I never said you were," the Doctor replied. "Merely implied it," he mumbled.

John glared at him. "I can still hear you," he pointed out. "I wanted an honest opinion about my hair; I didn't ask you to insult my youthfulness."

"What did Donna say?" the Doctor asked instead of replying. "Does she like it?"

"I haven't asked her yet," John admitted. "I don't expect her to be so keen."

"Then why… How do you know she won't like it," the Doctor pondered.

"She said as much last night," John answered. He fiddled with getting mugs out of the cupboard at that point, averting his gaze from his brother.

The Doctor was instantly suspicious of his actions. "Last night you say. When I was putting the boys to bed?"

John nodded as he reached for the milk in the fridge. "I was sitting in the library for a while." He stopped his tea making task to focus his attention on the Doctor. "You don't mind, do you?"

"No, you can sit in the library whenever you like," the Doctor said.

John huffed angrily. "I meant me talking to Donna! I know you get funny hat about it."

"'Funny hat'? Where on Earth did you get that expression?" the Doctor laughed.

"I got it from Wilf," John quietly declared. "And stop evading the subject. Is it okay for me to talk to Donna without you being there?"

"Why are you suddenly asking my permission?" the Doctor retorted. "It has never bothered you in the past, when you two are…"

John chose to ignore the unspoken accusation for the time being. "Well I'm asking you now. I honestly need to know," he confessed. When the Doctor remained silent, he continued, "If you want me to go then just say it, and I'll respect your wishes."

There was a loud gasp behind them. "Uncle John, please don't go," Jamie begged from the doorway. He stood trembling as large tears dripped down his face. "Please don't!"

"Jamie, why are you…?" Teddie stumbled up beside him and immediately took in the situation before them. He wrapped his arms around his brother tenderly. "It's all right; we'll go find Mum," he soothed. Jamie nodded in his embrace and let himself be led away.

John tried to surruptiously wipe at his eyes. "I'll pour that tea out," he said as lightly as he could.

The Doctor took in a breath. "John…," he began to say.

"Don't bother," John put in. "I get the message." He turned to give the Doctor a watery smile. "If all else fails perhaps Martha will take pity on me."

There was a commotion by the door and Donna bustled in. "What the hell is going on?" she demanded. "You two are upsetting my sons!" She caught John's avoiding stance before she noticed his new look. "Did he make you do that to yourself, or is it your own idea?"

"Donna, I had no…," the Doctor tried to answer.

"Shut it, you! I'm talking to John!" she fumed at him. She placed a hand on John's arm, forcing him to lift his gaze onto her. "What is it, Sweetheart? You're not really leaving, are you?"

Before John could even open his mouth to answer the Doctor blazed his protest. "Sweetheart? Why is it always about him?"

"Shouldn't the question be why do you feel so threatened? I know you've always been possessive but this is beyond ridiculous!" Donna eyed him angrily back.

"Then perhaps you should think about me for a change?" the Doctor asked defensively.

Donna shielded John from his view, just in case. "What about our sons? They are being destroyed by this nonsense," she pleaded with him. "I love you but this is killing me."

He regarded her, reminded of Pompeii as she stood emotionally wrecked before him. "I can't...," he tried to say.

John's hand shot out to give Donna comfort and moral support; and Donna grabbed it gratefully. The Doctor felt himself jolt as he saw the action. "You can," she whispered. "I know you can."

The Doctor was about to relinquish his anger when Donna and John shared a look; the way they always shared a secretive look when they ganged up on him, when they acted as thick as thieves, when they seemed as though they were so much more to each other. "Get out!" he heard himself shout. "Get out of my TARDIS!"

They stood defiantly in front of him. "No!" they both said.

"OUT!" He stood almost apoplectic.

Donna tried to reach for him but he shook her off. "Okay, I'll go," she said quietly.

"We'll both go," John confirmed. He reluctantly led her away.

"Doctor," she called from the doorway. "We'll be waiting for you. I'll wait. I did it once, I can do it again."

"Why didn't you slap him?" he heard John ask in the corridor outside.

"I honestly do not know," Donna replied. Their voices drifted away; and then the TARDIS was eerily silent.

Some minutes later he went in search of the boys. Unable to find them in their rooms he frantically searched the ship. He called out in desperation but the TARDIS wasn't helping him. "Please," he begged. "Where are they?" He did not get a reply. "At least tell me if they are still on-board." He got a reluctant reply that they were safely on-board. He sighed with relief, and made for his bedroom. The sight of Donna's nightdress folded neatly on the bed released a floodgate of emotion within him. What had he done?

~o~

Donna and John stepped out of the TARDIS into brilliant London sunshine. "The world looks happy today," John commented.

"Good job somebody is," Donna replied.

He pulled her to him, placing a kiss in her hair. "We'll get through this, we always get through it."

"Yes, but at what cost? He could end up killing himself at this rate, and then that would definitely be the end of us," she sighed.

John nodded, knowing the truth of her words. "He would find someone else like he usually does, and we would... well I suppose we would have to make the best of it. At least we have each other."

She hugged him tightly then. "I am so glad I have you," she told him. "And look at me! I'm talking as if he's dead, when all this is some stupid hissy fit."

"Perhaps it isn't so stupid? He might have a good reason," he pondered.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Erm... a thorn in his claw?" he mused. "I dunno apart from hating me."

"He doesn't hate you!" Donna chided.

"He might be jealous of my good looks," John tried to jest.

"Or your modesty... Yeah, that would be it." She risked a smile at him.

"Oh I'm ever so 'umble," he laughed.

She giggled. "Give over, Uriah! You'll have me crying into my gruel next."

"Careful, or you'll be asking for more," he pointed out.

"Like an orphan of the storm," she stated forlornly.

"With nowhere to go," he added.

"Where are we going to go?" she asked him.

"I suppose we will have to go home to Mum's," he replied.

Donna snorted. "Won't she just love that! I'll never hear the end of it."

"We could pretend I'm the Doctor, say we're turning up to spend a few days alone with her," he suggested.

Her face fell. "Without the boys; I miss them."

"Me too." He gave her a comforting squeeze.

She gave a small laugh. "She'd expect you to sleep with me, and you'd hate that."

"Oh yeah," he softly agreed. "Though you give great cuddles."

"Come on then, Bubbers. Let's get it over with," she stated, starting to walk briskly along.

"Which bit?" he asked as he walked with her.

"The really painful bit," she answered; and they threw a consoling arm around each other.

* * *

TBC


	23. For If I Do

**Warning:** It REALLY helps if you have seen Catherine Tate in the BBC's "Wild West"; but isn't necessary.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, things went awry, so a trip away is planned. This is a sequel to No Not I and a crossover with Wild West.

* * *

**For If I Do...**

.

"Donna! Shift yourself," Sylvia griped, smacking at Donna's reclining legs with a newspaper. "What you need is a holiday."

"Oh do be serious, Mum!" Donna retorted. She put her legs down off the settee with a huff, letting Sylvia sit down. "Where would I go for a start?"

"Just go anywhere! The pair of you are driving me up the wall!" Sylvia replied.

"What have I done wrong?" John demanded from his armchair. "I did lunch, didn't I?"

"Yes you did, love." Sylvia smiled at him with great fondness. "I'm just saying that you two are used to running about, doing things. All this sitting about isn't doing you, or me, any good. Everytime I turn around there you both are, organising, cooking, washing, and I feel there's nothing left for me to do," she explained. "Take the car and go see a bit of the countryside. I'm sure there's loads you haven't seen yet, John."

"Well…," John started to agree.

"What do we do if the Doctor comes looking for us?" asked Donna cautiously. "I'm not sure I should go far."

Sylvia pulled an unconvinced face but didn't voice her fear that the Doctor would never come looking for them. "You can still wait for him; but just choose a sunnier place," she suggested. "Go have a break from it all. I can always direct him to wherever you end up, love."

"Please, Donna!" John begged. "I like the idea of going to see the sea."

"All right!" Donna reluctantly agreed, and tried not to laugh at John's yelp of glee. "And when we get back you, mister, are having driving lessons."

"Deal!" John leapt out of his seat to place a 'thank you' kiss on her cheek. "Can we go now?"

"Seeing as it'd take us all of 20 seconds to pack I don't see why not," Donna answered, and gained a hug as well.

~o~

"Did you see what it said on that sign post?" Donna asked desperately as the road seemed to get narrower and narrower.

"Something about organic honey," John answered, peering behind them to try and catch another glimpse. He tapped at the Sat Nav again. "Stupid hills blocking the satellite," he griped.

Donna stopped the car. "Pass us the map again," she ordered him.

"Donna! We've been through this already. The map we bought isn't detailed enough, we're somewhere on this small splodge here…," he said and pointed to a particular smudge on the map, "and I'm starving!"

"Well, that makes it crystal clear!" Donna responded. "I know exactly where to go now!"

"All right! Calm down! All roads probably lead to Rome; so we're bound to find somewhere decent soon," he tried to appease her. He squinted at the sky, sniffed the air, and gave her determined look. "I'm guessing we turn left."

Donna sighed. "Let's hope that nose of yours is effective. We can't be that far from a piece of coast, for goodness sake!" She put the car into gear and drove off.

Five minutes later they found themselves passing a sign for a place called St Gweep. They gave each other a relieved smile as they continued on and playfully argued over who had declared they'd seen the sea first. "Looks nice," John commented when they pulled into a small pub car park overlooking a bay.

"It's got all the ingredients we wanted: sun, sea and sand. Right! Let's see if we can rustle up a room," Donna said, opening her car door. "But first, there's a glass of cold lemonade with my name on it waiting somewhere."

"You're buggered if it isn't in that pub over there," John answered with a smirk as he climbed out too.

"Smarty pants!" Donna teasingly chided him. "Although lemonade would be too strong for a lightweight like you."

"Come here and say that!" he yelled, and chased her into the bar.

~o~

The B&B Jeff the pub landlord had directed them to was very pleasant, and their hostess, Ann, was lovely. Unfortunately Donna developed a headache, so John offered to walk to the shop to buy painkillers and a backup supply of chocolate. It was weird to find himself walking alone by the sea, and John relished every second. St Gweep seemed to be an ideal place away from the hustle and bustle of normal life; if you could term their life as being normal. He just wished the Doctor would hurry up come and find them; despite her best efforts, Donna might pine away at this rate.

The shop door tinged as he pushed it open and he stepped into what seemed another world. There were items of every description tucked into nooks and crannies around the shop floor displays. "Hello," greeted a short woman behind the counter. "You're new here."

"Yes, we've only just arrived. Would you tell me where I can find some aspirin or paracetamol, please?" John asked, as he found himself trying to calculate exactly how tall she was.

"Angela! Pass us some paracetamol" the woman called out, and from behind a display another, taller, woman peered out at him as she clutched a book. An extremely familiar looking woman at that!

"What Mary?" she asked distractedly, and then caught sight of him. "Oh, hello!" she greeted him with a large smile. "What can I get you?"

He felt her interested gaze bore into him, and a blush rose in his face. "I… erm… I'd like… if you've got it… some erm…," he stammered out.

"Paracetamol, Angela. Get him some paracetamol," Mary told her.

Angela started slightly at Mary's words, turned to the display by her side to extract a packet of tablets and coyly placed it on the counter. "There you go," she said breathily, still keeping her attention on him.

John nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Thank you; and could I have some…," he asked as he swept his gaze over the confectionary on offer, "Maltesers, please?" He placed three packets of Maltesers next to the paracetamol. "They're not all for me," he explained, feeling that he had to justify that many packets. "I'm buying them for my sister and me."

"Not here with your wife then?" Mary tentatively asked.

John blushed again. "Oh I'm not married; far from it," he told them; getting the strange sense that they were both leaning more towards him. "I'm still looking." He hadn't meant to say that as he glanced at Angela, but it sort of happened.

Angela ducked her head bashfully. "Perhaps you'll find what you're looking for around here," she pondered. She rather liked what she saw of him.

"Perhaps I will," he found himself agreeing. As the thought struck him that he might be acting a bit forward, he added, "Since there are bound to be… you know… women around here…"

Mary smirked at him. "Not that many," she told him. "I'm sure Angela and me could entertain you for a while."

"Are you part of a band or something?" he heard himself lamely ask.

Mary wasn't all that impressed; but he was very easy on the eye. "No, but we could show you the local sights."

"That's very kind of you," he spluttered. This was beginning to look like the IT job all over again. "My sister will be pleased!"

"Does your sister look like you?" Angela blurted out the question.

"Funnily enough, no," he answered, focusing his attention back onto Angela. "We're nothing alike. She's more like…" The fiasco with Bianca suddenly sprung to mind. "I should really call her my sister-in-law but she feels more like my sister."

"That's nice," Angela commented as she inched closer to him.

"It's very nice," he agreed, and got a whiff of perfume that was similar to what Donna wore. "I suppose I should get back to her before your husband threatens me." He gave her one of his best charming smiles.

Angela fought off a fantasy of grabbing him and kissing him right then and there. She shook her head. "We don't have one of them." She toyed with the ends of her sleeves and asked, "Will you be staying long here?"

"I'm not sure. A couple of days; could grow to be a week or so. We don't know yet," he answered. He really liked this feeling as he exchanged little glances with her, and found that he was keen to explore this further. "Will you be around tonight?"

"We'll be in the pub," Mary stated to his side. "And that'll be £3.28 please."

He immediately fumbled in his pocket for the right money, clearly flustered. "Thanks! Bye; and I'll see you later," he aimed at Angela as he left the shop. He walked away feeling quite happy with himself.

Mary watched him go, with a scowl on her face. "You're not really meeting him, are you Ange?" she asked, still watching his progress through the shop window.

"I might," Angela answered vaguely, secretly very pleased with the result.

~o~

"Donna! Guess what! I've sort of got a date tonight," John bounced on the bed next to her, grinning from ear to ear.

She rubbed at her forehead and slowly sat up, gratefully accepting the tablets and glass of water he was offering her. "Somehow I get the feeling you want to tell me something. Dunno why," she drily commented. "Come on then, tell me how you turned a trip to buy paracetamol into a date hunt."

"It was weird but when one of the women in the shop served me it was if I knew her. I felt all… it was pretty good whatever it was!" He flashed her his beamy smile. "Does that sound daft?"

"If it had been anybody else I would have said 'yes', but considering it's you, then no, it's not daft," she told him. "What's she like?"

He stood and held out his hand. "She's about this height, has long hair that's gingerish, blue eyes and a soft voice. Oh, and she wears perfume that reminds me…," he faltered to a halt when he realised where his reasoning was going.

"Of what?" Donna asked. "Pigsties, geraniums, armpits, kittens,… What for goodness sake?"

"Just a well-known brand," he mumbled. "You don't mind, do you? You can come too if you like."

"And play gooseberry? Not on your nelly!" she declared, patting his knee in consolation. "I know you can cope with a date by now. I'll stay here and get over the long drive down here."

He opened the bare wardrobe, and asked her, "Hmm, what do you recommend I wear?"

She lightly giggled at his antics. "I'd go with the shirt and the trousers. I think that could work."

"Shame I haven't got a kilt," he mused, merrily twinkling at her.

She did a mock gasp. "Poor woman wouldn't know what had hit her if you turned up in a kilt. We don't want her to keel over with a heart attack, do we? Save that treat for another day," she told him.

He nodded his agreement with a chuckle. "Yes, I don't want to overwhelm her. There's only so much gorgeousness a woman can handle at once," he light-heartedly boasted.

"Do you know what would make you ultra-gorgeous right at this moment?" she asked, and waited for him to look puzzled. "If you went and got me a cup of tea."

He laughed. "I'll go get us a cup; I can't let a chance like this slip me by," he said.

"There's a good Bubbers," she replied, and laid back down while she waited for the tablets to work their magic.

~o~

They had an enjoyable dinner with Ann, and then John began to get restless. "Go on, go and see if she's there," Donna told him, giving him a gentle push towards the door.

"Are you sure you don't want to come too?" he asked with more than a hint of guilt.

"No, I'm okay," she assured him. "I might have a walk out that way later."

That made him happier to leave her on her own as he stepped confidently out into the evening air.

Donna had just got herself settled with a borrowed magazine when she heard the unmistakeable sound of the TARDIS materialising; so she raced towards it to greet the Doctor.

* * *

TBC


	24. He's Sure To Cry

**Warning:** Contains suggestions of sex.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and things are not going to plan so a trip away is planned. This is a sequel to For If I Do…This is a crossover with Wild West.

**A/N:** For those of you who have never seen the comedy Wild West you need to know that Mary and Angela began living together as lesbians because there were no men available in St Gweep, a tiny fishing village in Cornwall, where they run a small convenience store.

* * *

**He's Sure To Cry**

.

John pushed open the door to the pub and wondered if he was doing the right thing. Had he imagined it earlier? Had there really been something between him and Angela or was he deluding himself? All his fears disappeared when he spotted her sitting by the bar with a blonde woman. And he felt his heart soar when she swivelled in her seat and smiled shyly at him.

He strode over and greeted them with, "Hello, I didn't get the chance to introduce myself properly before. I'm John! Can I get you two ladies a drink?"

The blonde woman smiled encouragingly at him. "No thank you. I'm Holly, and I'm just going to sit with Harry. Goodbye, Angela," she said, slipping off her stool and backing away. She didn't quite make it to the door, but did a side swipe and ended up sitting with a dark, curly-haired man.

"Was it something I said?" he asked Angela without a great deal of seriousness. "Same again," he said to Jeff, indicating Angela's glass, "and a lemonade for me."

"It's good, isn't it…lemonade," Angela tried to make conversation.

Mary suddenly appeared beside him and leant across between him and Angela. "Excuse me!" she declared, made a grab for a pint of beer he hadn't noticed and smiled sweetly at him. "Don't mind me, just passing through," she said.

He tried not to scowl at her as he fought to gain eye contact with Angela. "Sorry. Was I in the way?" he asked as pleasantly as he could.

"Depends what you are in the way of," Mary stated, ending with a guffaw. "Now if you want a real woman," she continued, pressing herself against him and flicking her tongue into her drink in a surprisingly unseductive manner, "you know where to look."

That was the trouble; he didn't know where to look at that precise moment. It was all he could do to not peer down the front of Mary's top where her ample bosom was currently attacking him. "Thanks for that recommendation," he muttered quietly. "Angela certainly is that."

Mary angrily frowned at him whilst Angela shyly smiled. Seeing her do so, he risked reaching out to take her hand, and gave it a squeeze. "Here you go," Jeff told them as he placed their drinks onto the bar.

John hastily paid and turned his attention back to Angela, relieved to see that Mary had made her way over to sit with Holly and Harry. "Do you fancy going for a stroll after this?" he leant in to ask Angela. "I get the feeling we're being watched."

"That would be lovely," Angela replied. "Don't mind Mary, she's just being a bit protective."

"Is she a relative?" John took a sip of his lemonade as he asked her, expecting Mary to be declared as a cousin or something.

"No, she's my g...friend. I've lived down here with her for 15 years now," Angela supplied.

"Blimey that's a long time," he mused. "I'm surprised someone hasn't snapped you up by now."

"Yeah," Angela drawled in agreement. "You don't get many men to choose from to snap you up."

"Actually, I'm quite glad you haven't been," he admitted as he moved closer to her. "It's given me a chance to know you."

Angela laughed coyly, extremely glad to get the chance too. "I could show you how the hill looks in the moonlight," she offered.

"That sounds terrific," he near whispered into her ear. "I'll need you to hold my hand in the dark."

She found herself liking this idea more and more.

~o~

Donna raced from the B&B as the sound grew louder. As she neared the TARDIS the door was flung open and the Doctor ran to greet her. "Oh Donna!" he cried as he swept her into his arms.

"Spaceman!" she cried back, returning his embrace and capturing his lips.

"I'm so sorry. I've missed you so much. And you weren't there! I went straight to your mother's," he told her between kisses.

A woman walking passed them shot them a confused frown, but they chose to ignore her.

"And I missed you!" she told him fervently. "Where are the boys?"

"I left them with your mum to make a fuss of while I came to sort 'us' out," he answered. At that point he realised that the woman had not gone away but stood watching them, so he removed his hands from where they caressed Donna and greeted her. "Hello! I'm the Doctor and this is Donna. Can I help you?" he breezily asked.

Donna reached up to wipe some of her lipstick off his face as surreptitiously as she could. The woman glared at her. "Why are you dressed like a hussy?" the woman demanded. "Just you wait until later back at home!" The woman then stormed off, leaving them feeling more than a little mystified.

The Doctor swept his gaze over Donna's body. "Is that what hussies are wearing these days?" he pondered.

"No it is not!" Donna protested. "The woman is obviously barking mad. Or jealous that I was snogging the most gorgeous man in the universe."

"The universe," he echoed smugly. "Do you fancy doing more than snogging?" he asked, poking his tongue behind his top teeth.

"Do you fancy trying out the view from my room? Since it would be a crime not to admire the bay, apparently," she offered him, "or take advantage of this hussy outfit."

"Oh, I'm all for taking advantage," he assured her, and crushed his mouth down onto hers again.

~o~

"There is a bench right up here," Angela told John, holding his warm hand tightly.

John happily let her lead him in the semi-darkness. She didn't need to know how good his eyesight was compared to her's after all. They parked themselves down on the empty bench. Not a soul was in sight. "Angela, can I ask you something?" he kept his voice low as he asked, just in case. He waited for her to ask 'what?' "Can I do this?" He then gently brought his lips down onto hers. He had expected her to push him away, or at least grumble. Instead she grabbed his head and lunged at him.

Wow oh wow! She had never kissed anyone like him before! He was so keen she was overjoyed to kiss him back. She had no intention of letting this one get away, so when he pushed them to lie down on the bench she didn't fight him at all. She was ecstatic that he didn't fight her in return!

~o~

"Twin beds?!" the Doctor asked with disgust as he surveyed the B&B bedroom.

Donna placed her hands on her hips. "Did you really want me to share a bed with John? Cos I rather got the impression that you wouldn't!" she huffed.

"No, you're right," he readily admitted. "Twin beds are fine; more than fine."

"Is a single bed okay then?" she asked, tracing a finger down his shirt buttons seductively. "I can wait if you prefer."

He caught her hand, and brought it up to his lips, placing small kisses on her fingertip before working his way to her wrist, down her arm, onto her shoulder and then up her throat. "You taste divine," he told her. "There's only one problem: you're wearing too much. Take it off."

~o~

"Donna? Are you asleep?" John hesitantly whispered into the gloom of the room as he shut the door behind him. He peered at Donna's bed but he was sure that wasn't Donna he was looking at. He strode over to a bedside lamp and switched it on.

"Turn it off! What the heck are you playing at?!" Donna demanded as she winced at him from behind her pulled-up bed covers.

"Oh my God!" John exclaimed as he hastily covered his eyes. "You could have said! I didn't think that was you…well, it _is_ you… but not _just_ you…"

"The light, John, please," the Doctor indicated towards the lamp in case John had forgotten which one he'd switched on.

"Oops! Sorry!" John diminished the light and sat there like a lemon for a few seconds. "So… you found us then," he inanely commented. "Did that take you long?"

There was the sound of a resigned sigh. "Not the time to ask, John, but it's lovely to see you again," the Doctor told him.

John could not suppress a chuckle. "I'm sure it is. It's great to see you too. Not that I'm looking…," he explained and shifted uncomfortably. "Do you want me to go back to the TARDIS, or…" He paused as a few bed squeaks reached his embarrassed ears.

"Too late for that… just get in bed… turn the other way…," the Doctor mumbled as John tried not to imagine what he was doing.

John did as he was told and climbed into his bed and turned his body in the opposite direction to them. As he lay trying to sleep he really wished he could shut his ears as well as his eyes. Thank goodness the covers were thick enough when he hid underneath them and his pillows.

He woke from a pleasant dream hearing soft moans and accidentally turned in that direction. Realisation made him hastily turn back again; this was becoming absurd!

The next time he woke, Donna was sitting in her nightdress at the dressing table, brushing her hair. "Morning sleepyhead," she called out to him.

"Morning," he replied, and swept his gaze to where the Doctor sat in the other bed looking very content as he contemplated Donna. As the Doctor made a move to climb out of the bed, John exclaimed, "Whoa! Naked flesh alert!"

"What's the matter with you? You've seen it all before," the Doctor testily retorted.

"On me! Completely different thing. I'd rather not see you again if it's all the same…," John replied, keeping his hands firmly over his eyes.

Donna laughed at him. "Are you going to come out of there to tell us how your date went?" she asked.

John prised one hand away so that he still couldn't directly see the Doctor. "It went pretty well, actually. I've arranged to meet up with her for lunch if you want to inspect her," he said as lightly as he could.

Donna made a noise of protest, which the Doctor laughed at. "Of course she wants to check this woman out. She's frightened she'll drag you off to some witch's cave or something," he teased.

"No! I just want to see if she… if her intentions are honourable," Donna defended herself.

"Shouldn't you be asking that about mine?" John asked, smiling broadly at her.

"As if I'd never know what your intentions are," she softly admonished him. "Now, I think we'd all better get some clothes on so that we can go and eat while I find out all about this mystery woman."


	25. Wild Ones Run Free

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and on a trip away he has met Angela. This is a sequel to He's Sure To Cry.

**A/N:** I adore the nuttiness of Wild West so I recommend you watch it if you get the chance.

* * *

**Wild Ones Run Free **

.

Angela tried to surruptiously climb into the bed next to Mary. "Have a nice date, did you?" Mary asked as she flicked through her book and kept her gaze on it.

"Yes, thank you," Angela cautiously replied, not looking at Mary directly.

"Have a little snogging session?" Mary added.

"A bit," Angela admitted, and risked a glance at Mary. "It was very nice," she offered with a slight smile.

"I could see you were enjoying it," Mary said huffily.

"You could?!" Angela shifted uncomfortably in the bed. "I hadn't thought…"

"Obviously not!" Mary pointed out as she interrupted her. "And dressed like that!"

Angela looked down at her long nightdress before making an expression of realisation. "We didn't do much beyond kissing," she confessed, bringing her hands up to cool her suddenly flushed cheeks.

"So you like him then?" Mary asked, putting her book down on the bedcovers.

Angela nodded enthusiastically. "Yes I do! I'm meeting him for lunch tomorrow. I think I might be meeting his sister-in-law as well if you want to come too," she suggested.

Mary merely shook her head and settled down in the bed. "Ange, why would I want to do that?"

"Because I think he might be the one," Angela answered simply.

"You say that about all of them," Mary said. "And you always end up getting hurt."

"Well, I've had a few lucky escapes," Angela admitted reluctantly. When Mary snorted in reply she turned to add, "John isn't like them; there's something very different about him. It's like he can see right inside me; he knows what I want!"

"We all know what he cocking wants," Mary commented offhand. "Just you make sure he doesn't get it!"

Angela smiled with disguised delight.

~o~

Angela bustled about getting ready, trying various outfits up against herself. Mary watched with barely disguised disgust. "He won't stick around, you know. He'll be gone before you know it," she stated.

"I don't care! I'm meeting him for lunch and that is that," Angela insisted.

"He'll make you dress like a whore," Mary told her.

"No he won't," Angela answered indignantly. "He isn't like that."

"Then what was all that last night?" Mary asked.

"We were only kissing," Angela told her absently as she perused her reflection and chose her usual large cardigan. "He hasn't proposed."

Mary was not convinced. "Too cocking right he won't! Ange, just think about it," she begged.

~o~

As Angela walked down the incline towards the pub she caught sight of John chatting animatedly to a woman that she could only see the back of. They seemed to be very comfortable in each other's company, laughing and reaching out in various stages. "But why would you think that?" she heard him ask as she reached the open pub door.

"Maybe the talking parrot was the clue," the woman answered, and the pair of them laughed uproariously together.

Angela felt more than a twinge of jealousy as she watched them. She seriously considered turning around or hitting him hard, when another man appeared by their side carrying a tray of drinks and set about placing them on the table. "Is she going to be long? Only, I'm starving!" he exclaimed like a petulant child.

"You poor thing," the woman cooed and reached out to rub his arm with a consoling gesture.

"I thought you got plenty last night," John added cheekily, and gained a swat on his arm from the woman.

Curiosity about what these people looked like made Angela continue walking. At that precise moment John spotted her, and his face lit up like a Christmas tree, making her feel loads better. He jumped up out of his seat and rushed forward to greet her. With a tight grip on her wrist, he drew her toward the other two. "Come and meet my brother," he enthused. "He has just got down here from London. Angela, I'd like you to meet my brother and his wife. Doctor, Donna, this is Angela," John proudly introduced them.

"Nice to meet you," Angela tore her gaze from John to contemplate the man who had also stood up politely to greet her. "Why… you're identical!" Angela exclaimed as she shook the Doctor's outstretched hand.

"Hello Angela, I'm the Doctor; and this is my wife Donna...," his voice trailed off in wonder as he took her in. "It's uncanny," he murmured.

Angela stared back at him in shock. "You look... But you... John you never said...," she stuttered out.

"He's miles older than me," John put in, "but most people think we are twins." He paused for the Doctor's usual noise of protest. "And this is Donna." He smiled proudly at Angela. "The best sister ever!"

"Give over!" Donna protested modestly, giving him a small push. "Half his lies aren't true," she said to Angela, and then quickly looked back at John. "You are kidding me!" Donna exclaimed. It was almost like looking in a mirror.

"How do you tell them apart…?" Angela began to ask Donna, but she looked properly at her then. "But you're..." Angela gawped at Donna.

"Now we know why he is so taken with you," the Doctor muttered, only to be instantly thumped in the chest by his wife. "Ow!"

"Don't mind him, Angela! He keeps forgetting his manners," Donna explained brightly. "Are you hungry?"

Angela warily looked at John. "Yes I am," she admitted. "But I'm not sure..."

John deftly caught her before she could make an escape. "We will have a lovely meal and a long talk. How does that sound?" he asked her with a pleading look. "We can all get to know each other better."

Angela felt herself begin to hyperventilate. This was going wrong, oh so wrong! Within seconds a paper bag was thrust into her hands and soothing strokes were rubbed into her shoulders.

"Poor love! Fancy not preparing her like this," Donna told John off.

"I didn't mean to!" he argued over Angela's head as she was sat down on a seat.

The Doctor knelt down in front of her and gave her a winning smile. "Sorry about this, Angela, but normally it is John and I that cause this sort of reaction. I never even thought to ask John for more details."

"That's because John didn't think it was necessary," John griped. "Normally you don't take that much notice of my girlfriends," he defended himself.

Donna gave him a nudge. "Not that John tends to have lots of girlfriends or anything," she hastily added.

"Oh no. He's the proverbial monk," the Doctor agreed. "He's been searching for Ms Right for ages."

"I'm not completely unlovable," John pointed out. "I've had my moments."

Unsure what to add, Donna blurted out; "He's a marvellous uncle."

"The boys! I forgot about the boys," John whimpered guiltily.

The Doctor stood and patted him on the back. "They didn't forget about you. They kept going on and on about you; especially when we got to Sylvia's."

"What did you say to Mum?" both Donna and John demanded.

"Nothing! I didn't get much of a chance, to be honest," the Doctor confessed. "It's true!" he added when he saw Angela's sceptical expression.

"Mum would love you," Donna remarked to Angela. "She's always trying to get me to leave my hair like yours. Don't you ever want to use straighteners?"

"No!" Angela replied, running her hand down her curly tresses. "I like my hair like this."

"It looks lovely, Angela," the Doctor soothed her.

"Beautiful, in fact," John added, beaming at her with delight.

Angela visibly melted at his words.

~o~

"John, I've paid Ann for the next couple of days so you can have the room to yourself," the Doctor told him. "And we'll be back later with the boys."

John couldn't help shooting a worried glance at Donna. She sidled up and loosely hugged him. "I'll make sure we don't go off without you, so don't worry," she whispered. "Just enjoy yourself with Angela, alone."

He hugged her tightly. "Thank you," he whispered back. "Say 'hello' to the boys for me."

"You'll get the chance to do that soon enough," the Doctor promised as he opened the TARDIS doors. "I'll try and make it back here tomorrow." He shook John's hand and walked in, leaving the door open for Donna to follow him in.

She threw John a glum look. "I'll miss you," she murmured.

He hugged her in agreement and then let her go. As the TARDIS dematerialised out of his life for the third time he tried to be more optimistic. At least this was a happier reason to be left behind. And with that thought he headed towards the convenience store where Angela lived.


	26. Return To The Wild

**Warning:** Contains a mild swear word and suggestions of sexual intentions/activity.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and on a trip away he has met Angela. This is a sequel to Wild Ones Run Free.

**A/N:** Non Wild West viewers need to know that Angela had a major breakdown before moving to St Gweep, and Mary has the video evidence.

**A/N2:** Brookside was a soap opera that caused controversy by having a leading abusive male character murdered and buried under the family home patio. It also featured the first lesbian kiss in a British soap, in case you wanted to know.

* * *

** Return To The Wild**

.

John trudged up to the convenience store, hoping to entice Angela to join him. Cautiously opening the door, it tinged his appearance, and he quickly sought out the figure of Angela amongst all the contents of the shop.

"Oh it's you, is it?" Mary greeted him from behind her counter. "Are you going to buy something?"

"No, I'm looking for Angela," he replied as calmly as he could. "Is she around?"

Mary peered at him. "Yes," she answered simply.

"May I speak with her, please," he requested politely.

"John! Come on up!" Angela called to him with delight from the stairwell. She eagerly grasped his hand and pulled him up the stairs. "I'll make us some tea and then you can tell me how it went with your brother. Did it go alright? You're not looking that upset."

John laughed at her enthusiasm and managed to completely miss Mary's sneer at him.

"This looks nice," he commented when he got to the top of the stairs and surveyed her home. He took the first opportunity to draw her into his embrace. "Not as lovely as you though."

He kissed her then; a long, lingering kiss that he hoped Mary was snooping on. What was it with her? Something fishy was going on. He didn't get the impression that he was the actual cause of her jealousy; he knew some people thought he was attractive but he wasn't that attractive!

"I have good news," he whispered, "we can go back to the B&B if you like; to escape the hills have eyes, and enjoy the privacy of my room."

"What are you suggesting?" Angela breathily asked. "Do you want to...?"

"I will if you will," he said, giving her a saucy eyebrow waggle.

Angela sucked in her lips with hidden delight. "But you've only just met me," she argued. "Do you think it's too soon?"

"There's no time like the present," he reasoned. "I've learnt that you have to grab opportunities when they arise in this life. And I certainly want to grab you!"

Angela stifled a shriek of surprise. "Grab away," she muttered and reached out to draw his lips closer.

"Is everything all right up here?" Mary demanded as she appeared by the side of them. "I thought I heard a noise."

Angela tried to move away from him, so John held on tight. "No nothing is wrong," Angela answered. "I was going to make us some tea."

Mary swept her disdainful gaze over the pair of them. "I'm sure John would love a cup, Ange. If he ever manages to let go of you for a second."

"I'm not sure I could ever bear to do that," John replied cheekily, deciding that he would have fun with this situation. "I'll come and help you, Angela, and then you can learn my tastes."

"Are they peculiar then?" Mary asked with a sneer.

He pretended to think it over. "I'd say particular rather than peculiar," he explained. "I know what I like."

"Yeah... women dressed as hussies," Mary pointed out from memory. "You'll find we're a different type of woman down here."

"Different? How?" John pondered. He reached out to fill the kettle in the kitchen nearby.

"We know where to hide the body." Mary jerked her head towards the outside of the window in what she hoped was a threatening manner.

John bit back on a laugh. "Got a convenient patio to dig up, have you?" he asked with a smile. "Or does that only work on Brookside?"

"Hah!" Mary glared at him. "I'll have a biscuit with my tea please, Ange," she added to Angela. She started to plot how convincing a cup of tea split 'accidentally' in his lap would look. Watching him bustle about in the kitchen next to Angela, she decided he would not continue to make himself so at home; she had learnt her lesson with that fairground fella. Sitting herself calmly down, she asked, "How long are you going to stay in St Gweep, John?"

"Oh I.. er... I definitely will be here for the next few days, and then I suppose I'll have to go home and back to work," he reluctantly admitted.

"What sort of work do you do?" Mary asked as sweetly as she could.

"Well, we... We sort of do freelance exploration, diplomacy, investigations, and recovery; that sort of thing," he answered, nervously scratching the back of his neck. "I'm not bound to any one place, which makes it interesting; and these days we often get back to London."

"London!" Angela echoed anxiously.

"Don't you like London?" John asked her with obvious concern. "Mum lives there, so we visit often."

"All them cars and people," Angela said with disgust. "All that noise."

He edged nearer to her. "So you need peace and quiet. What else worries you?" he asked in a low voice.

Mary smiled happily; he was about to find out more than he'd bargained for.

Angela frowned as a long list flitted through her mind. "Buses, children, moving about, hospitals," she took a deep breath before continuing, "police sirens, being made angry, Dad..."

"Oh Angela," he crooned. "My poor sweetheart!" He immediately swept her into his protective embrace. "I've got you now, so you never need worry again," he whispered into her ear.

Hmm, the video needs bringing out again, Mary decided as she watched them canoodle. Once he saw that he'd be history.

Mary reluctantly thanked John as he placed a cup of tea in front of her with an accompanying biscuit.

"Does my Johnniekins want one?" Angela cooed at him.

'Aw, she's adorable' he instantly thought. "No, my love," he replied. "All I need is you."

Mary made no attempt to hide her gagging gesture. "What else do you do, John?" she asked him. "Got any hobbies, passions or ex-wives?"

He smirked at her attempts to make a dig at him. "No, no ex-wife that I know of, or children before you ask. My passion is my family and I have several hobbies."

"Tell her, John," Angela coaxed him.

He blushed modestly. "Well, I play music, paint a bit, read and generally enjoy the arts whenever I can."

Angela sat next to him and began to caress his hair. "He plays several instruments, Mary; he's composed music, and he can do more than paint a bit," she explained.

He blushed again. "That Donna, huh? She'd say anything to make me sound good."

"You know that is far from the truth," Angela chided him, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

"For the love of... Would you stop pawing him!" Mary demanded, jumping up out of her seat unexpectedly. "You'll get him all covered in saliva."

Two shocked faces turned to her. Angela used her long sleeve to wipe his face. "All gone," she declared.

"I honestly don't mind you doing that," he earnestly told Angela. "I quite like it in fact."

"Of course you do, you moron!" Mary stood panting for breath. "She's treating you like you mean something to her!"

John was astonished how venomous Mary was behaving; as if... "Do you fancy a stroll down to the beach, Angela? I think Mary needs some time on her own," he asked her.

Angela shot a confused glare at Mary. "Yeah, why not? Let's go blow some cobwebs away," she replied.

As they both stood to leave, Mary tried to apologise but the words wouldn't come out. Instead she yelled "That's it! Cocking well go!" once they were outside and she could watch them from the window.

~o~

Outside in the fresh air, John had an impulse to run and make the most of it. "Come on," he urged, taking hold of Angela's hand.

With a squeal of delight they raced along the sea wall until they reached the fishing boats below. Having said their greetings to Jake, they ambled by the water's edge, stealing the odd kiss as they went. That was until they reached a large boat that hid them from possibly prying eyes, and John made his move to kiss her properly; or so they thought.

Mary just happened to have her telescope with her, that was all! And she just happened to be searching for a particular sea bird somewhere near where the embracing couple stood; nothing more serious than that. But John sensed it.

"How about," he paused to ask, "We go somewhere a little more private? I have a room with a view of the bay that apparently is criminal to miss."

"I say let's give it ago," Angela happily replied. "I don't want to get you into trouble after all."

"You can do whatever you like to me," he said, with an eyebrow waggle.

"Is this what I was warned about?" she teased him. Seeing him raise an eyebrow in query, she added, "I was told you can be very... What was the word? Playful, I think."

"Oh I can do more than play," he answered. "I can do very serious too," he whispered close to her ear, just before placing delicate kisses there.

She grabbed his head in return, snogging him for all she was worth.

"Did I mention the tea making facilities," he said as an afterthought. He took Angela's answering laugh as a 'yes', and proceeded to lead her towards the B&B.

~o~

Alone at last in a room with a bed. As soon as the door closed behind them they lunged for each other. Bugger being polite! Bugger behaving properly! John was sick of all that. He wanted the woman in his arms, and she wanted him just as much. This was how it should have been with Bobbie. Okay, he knew that Angela and he fancied each other like crazy, that there was no way that this could be called love yet; but it felt so right to just dismiss it.

"A single bed?!" Angela exclaimed when she dragged her eyes away from him.

"Yes, sorry about that, but I was sharing…," he tried to explain, but his mouth was suddenly preoccupied again by a pair of delicious lips.

His heart soared when Angela eventually answered, "We'll manage."

Something else soared too.

~o~

"Hello Mary!" Ann greeted her as she struggled with a loaded laundry basket towards her washing line. "Can I do something for you?"

"Oh! Hello Ann," Mary returned the greeting. "I was just admiring your… garden." She stroked a nearby privet and leylandii hedge to emphasise her point.

"Nothing to do with that nice young man staying with me then?" Ann asked with a knowing smile. "Your Angela seems quite taken with him."

"Is she? I hadn't noticed," Mary countered nonchalantly.

"Be careful or he'll steal her from right under your nose," Ann warned. "He could barely take his eyes off her when they showed up here."

"Did he?" Mary tried to remain calm, but she just saw red and suddenly bolted for Ann's backdoor that stood ajar.

"Mary! I've just…," Ann yelled out as Mary entered her kitchen and there was a loud smash, "…cleaned the floor…" Ann ran to see what the damage was, and found Mary groaning amid a pile of dirty washing, a spilt mop bucket of suds and fallen crockery. "Are you alright?" she anxiously asked.

She tried to help Mary up, but Mary let out a scream of pain.

"What is it? What happened?" Angela blurted out the questions as she and John ran to the inner kitchen doorway.

Ann could not hide her amusement that they both stood there in their underwear. "Mary's had a bit of an accident," she explained.

"It's my leg," Mary whined. "It hurts like buggery." John knelt down and began to run his hand expertly along the leg she was indicating. "Get your filthy hands off me!" Mary demanded.

John decided to ignore that insult. "You've broken it; we'll have to get you to Casualty," he told Mary. "Ann, can you arrange a taxi or something, please?" he turned his attention to plead with Ann.

"Oh Mary," Angela knelt next to her to sympathise while Ann sought out the telephone. "Whatever were you thinking?"

'Clearly not what you were,' Mary wanted to reply, but moving her body slightly to remove John and his underpants from her line of sight caused a fierce pain to course through her and rendered her speechless.

Her sense of pain was increased when John commented, "It looks like I'll have to come and help you run the shop for a while."

Angela, however, looked delighted.


	27. Wild Or Is That Livid?

**Warning:** Contains a mild swear word, suggestions of sexual intentions/activity and a teeny bit of angst.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and on a trip away he has met Angela. This is a sequel to Return To The Wild.

**A/N:** I _do_ apologise for forgetting to update this one - it's been sitting here for ages. The video incident actually happened during the programme Wild West.

* * *

**Wild…Or Is That Livid?**

.

Several hours later, after the delights(?) of waiting in Casualty, having an unwanted tour of the X-Ray department and then having her leg encased in plaster of Paris, Mary finally arrived back home to their shop in St Gweep. Angela had stayed with her for every second while John had interested himself in everything going on, the people sitting near them, the medical procedures taking place, the computer system the triage nurse used… until Angela had threatened to hit him. That was way after Mary had threatened to wrap his cocking tie tightly around his cocking throat, of course.

It took some effort to get an unwieldy Mary up the stairs; the plaster on her leg made her more argumentative than usual. Mary scowled with indignation. "Why does he have to be here?"

"Because he is. Now where do you want to sit?" Angela tried to guide her to a seat.

"Over there." Mary pointed out her favourite spot.

"Here you are, Mary!" John cheerfully greeted her with a cup of tea, placing it on the table in front of her before moving to gently lift her leg onto a pillow to aid her comfort.

She reluctantly thanked him. She didn't want him thinking she'd grown to like him after all. She didn't grumble much when he presented her with a cooked meal later, especially as it was far better than anything Angela had ever cooked. If it wasn't for the fact he was trying to steal Angela away from her she'd be capable of being quite fond of him.

"What do you fancy for afters, Mary? I have chocolate cake or a meringue pie," he offered her.

She accidentally answered with enthusiasm. Damn he was good! She was almost sad to see him go back to his lodgings at the end of the evening.

"Mary, can I ask you something?" Angela asked as she climbed into bed that evening. "Tomorrow night, well, John won't have anywhere to sleep... So I was wondering; can he stay here until his brother arrives back to collect him?"

Mary would have capitulated in any other circumstances, but this could mean war! "I'll think about it," she answered instead, and pretended her book was far more interesting than it was rather than look at Angela's sad face.

~o~

When Mary woke the following morning she was greeted by a small child watching her closely from the end of her bed. "Hello!" the boy welcomed her.

"Who are you?" Mary instantly demanded. "And who let you in here?"

The boy stretched out his hand towards her. "Hello, I'm Jamie," he informed her. "Angela let me in."

Mary found herself shaking the boy's hand. "Why did she do that?"

"Because I knocked on the door," Jamie answered, as though it was the daftest question in the world.

"So why are you watching me?" Mary tried again.

"I was told to," he stated. He peered eagerly at her leg. "Can I write on your plaster? Nanny said that's what people usually do."

Mary felt her confusion keenly. "Why would I let you do that? And who is this nanny you're talking about?"

The boy gave a quizzical glance at her. "You ask lots of questions. Uncle John said that you might. He's right, you know. I do like the look of you." He gave Mary a cheerful smirk then.

"Good morning, Mary!" John's breezy voice preceded him. He appeared carrying a laden tray. "I see you've met my able assistant. He helped me do breakfast."

"I was in charge of the toast," Jamie told her proudly.

Mary eyed the cooked breakfast with accompanying tea and toast with disguised glee. As she tackled the bacon and eggs she glanced up to see John fondly hugging the boy. "Where's Angela?" she asked between mouthfuls.

"Down in the shop. Don't worry though; she isn't down there on her own," John assured her, sensing she would worry. "I left my other helper monkey there."

"That's my brother Edward," Jamie added, leaning forward in his keenness to tell her. "But we call him Teddie."

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Mary questioned him in an effort to distance herself from his cuteness.

"Dad said we can have a holiday today," Jamie brightly answered. "Uncle John? Can we explore the witchcraft museum later, please?"

"Of course we can," John replied readily. "We'll try and go after lunch."

~o~

That night Angela helped Mary adjust her leg on the bedspread, and then started to creep away from her. "I'm just going to check on John for a moment," she excused herself.

"Angela! Get right back here this instant!" Mary demanded.

"What was that John…?" Angela pretended to hear from afar. "Coming!"

"Angela!" Mary shouted at her angrily; but Angela had already decided to ignore her.

In the spare bedroom a lone figure anxiously listened; John was wondering what all the shouting was about. "There you are," he sighed happily when Angela appeared. "I was worried for a moment." He held out his arms to her, willing to accept her into his embrace. "I like the nightdress, by the way."

Angela grinned happily at him as she climbed onto the bed next to him. "This old thing; I've had it ages," she told him, fingering the material of her Victorian style nightdress absently. "Did the boys get home okay?"

"Erm… yes, no problem with that," he answered vaguely. "Talking about such things, what was the shouting for?"

"Oh, that was something about nothing," she replied. "I've left Mary settled for the night so… I'm all yours." She settled back against him happily.

Clearly delighted with the offer, he brought his lips down onto hers. "And I'm yours," he promised as he tried to make her realise the extent of his feelings.

~o~

Waiting until Angela disappeared downstairs to the shop, Mary beckoned John over as he arrived with her early morning tea. "There's something I need to show you, John," she told him conspiratorially. She leant over to the bedside cabinet, opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a video. "You need to watch this before things get any more serious with Angela."

John eyed the VHS box suspiciously. "What's this? A recorded copy of a David Attenborough programme about the birds and the bees?" he asked, trying to make light of the situation.

"I didn't want to do this, but you need to know." Mary glanced at the video in emphasis. "Go on! Go put it in the machine."

John reluctantly walked over to the bedroom VCR and switched it on. He felt his heart drop as several possible scenarios flitted through his mind as he loaded in the video. Lifting the remote control, he pressed the 'play' button. The TV screen sprang into life, showing a hospital corridor and featuring Mary's voice as she said, "There she is! Hello Angela!"

Among several patients who were obviously distressed and suffering with mental health issues stood Angela staring back at Mary's greeting. Stunned, John continued to watch as the film continued, cataloguing Angela's slow progress toward stability. He slumped into a seated position, hiding his shock from Mary and not uttering a word.

"Well?" Mary asked when the video finished and John still hadn't said a word or made a move. With mixed feelings, she saw him rise without turning in her direction, and silently head toward the spare bedroom. 'He had to know,' she told herself, 'it was only fair'.

Once out of Mary's bedroom, John walked as quickly as he could, wiping desperately at his eyes to stem the flow of tears. Having reached the spare bedroom, he sat on the bed and pulled out his mobile phone. He quickly dialled and was relieved to hear a familiar voice at the other end. "Donna?!" he cried…

Within five minutes the TARDIS appeared in front of him, and the doors were thrust open. "John," Donna softly called him, and flew to embrace him. She gently stroked his hair as he sobbed into her stomach. "Shh! It's okay; I've got you," she soothed him. "We'll sort this out together; all of us."

"All of us?" he whimpered, and felt another pair of comforting arms encompass him.

"All of us," the Doctor confirmed.

~o~

"Are you alright, John?" Angela asked as soon as she could. "You've seemed a bit preoccupied today."

"Have I?" he asked in return. He nervously picked up his pyjamas off the bed and fiddled with the buttons of the jacket. "Yes, I suppose I have been," he admitted. "I've been thinking about us, here."

"And?" Angela encouraged.

"Do you like my family….? Only, I spoke to them earlier, and we considered a few things. The boys are going to come and help me in the morning; though if you'd rather they didn't I can always put them off. But they wanted to come and I did promise another trip to the museum. Do you think Holly would mind? They haven't met Harry or PC Alan yet. And the boys rarely get to explore a seaside place…," he babbled on.

Angela smiled fondly at him. "What are you really trying to tell me? You know I like the boys, and Mary has developed a soft spot for them, despite what she says."

"I've just had a wicked idea!" he told her brightly. "How about I get the Doctor and Donna to take our place here for a while? That way we can escape and do whatever we like to each other. We could even… elope." He held his breath as he waited for the penny to drop.

"That seems a bit mean to your brother and sister-in-law. Why would they do that for us? Though the thought of spending a few days…" Angela stopped talking in mid-sentence and gawped at him. "Did you just ask me what I thought you did?" she finally asked him after what seemed an eternity.

He nodded enthusiastically. "Yes I did! Will you, Angela? Will you marry me?"

Angela made a happy laughing shriek. "Yes! Yes I will!" she declared.

* * *

**A/N2:** I also need to apologise for confusing readers who haven't seen Wild West. Mary was attempting to frighten off John by showing him footage of Angela when she was in hospital with a mental breakdown. Her relationship with Angela may have changed from the lesbian one it had once been (due to there being no available men), but Mary still feels very protective of Angela.


	28. Wild Wild Women

**Warning:** Contains suggestions of sexual intentions/activity.

**Summary:** Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned and on a trip away he has met Angela. This is a sequel to Wild…Or Is That Livid?

* * *

**Wild Wild Women**

.

"Before we go any further, I need to confess something about myself," John hesitantly told Angela, "and what I know about you."

"Really?" Angela suddenly looked extremely anxious.

"No, nothing majorly bad, like…," he began to explain; his mouth moving wordlessly as he fought with himself how best to say it. "And I'm sure Mary meant well…"

Angela took in a shocked gasp of air. "Mary showed you the tape, didn't she?" she accused him.

"Well," he drew out the syllable for far too long. "Yes, yes she did." When Angela let out a squeak of horror, he quickly added, "It didn't change anything for me, because I already knew some of it."

"How?" she cried out.

"I… erm… there's no easy way to explain this, so I'm going to show you. Are you okay with me doing this?" he asked, bringing his hands up to her temples. "This is going to seem weird at first but I don't know how to word this, and it's miles easier if I just show you," he said, his words ending on barely a whisper.

"How are you…?" Angela started to ask, when her psyche was inundated with images. Strange images from his remarkably short life: sitting lonely in somewhere that looked like a jar, being freed, being able to see himself in a mirror, feeling abandoned, needing to find someone, then his relief at being rescued closely followed by feelings of love and acceptance from his family. "How the hell did you do that?!" she asked in shocked wonder. "But I thought…" And then she saw the tears trickling down his cheeks.

"You've been in so much pain, Angela," he said hoarsely. "I didn't know how much."

"What do you mean?" she asked defensively.

"I saw it in your mind. Why you ran from London, your father; from everything. But we can help you. I can help you," he stated confidently.

As she heard his words an overwhelming sense of peace and calm entered her mind that hadn't been there in far too many years. "What are you doing to me?"

He gently smiled at her. "I'm taking care of you; just like you've always wanted someone to."

"And you don't mind about me and Mary," she stated in realisation.

"No," he confirmed, because for him nothing else mattered right now except that they be together.

He rocked her in his arms as she wept in relief.

~o~

"Engaged?! Are you mad, Ange? You moron! You've only know him five minutes!" Mary stressed.

"I know it seems a bit quick but as I told you before; it's like he can see inside me," Angela defended herself. "You don't know him like I do."

"Never had the chance," Mary muttered. "Just 'cos he makes you shout loudly in bed don't make him husband material."

"You could hear me?!" Angela was clearly shocked and embarrassed

"Yes." Mary strung out the word sarcastically. "I _am_ in the next room." She then glanced hesitantly at the door before whispering, "Is he really that good?"

Angela started to gesture in demonstration, and then changed her mind. Instead, she nodded enthusiastically. "He's got a heart of gold."

The two of them snickered naughtily together.

"That's still not enough though," Mary pointed out. "It's too cocking soon."

Angela huffed angrily and gazed out of the window.

~o~

Jamie sat perusing the newspapers in the shop and eyed Angela every now and then.

"What? What's the matter? Have I got something on my face?" Angela eventually asked, unable to take the small glances anymore.

"Sorry!" Jamie immediately chimed. "I was wondering… do I call you Auntie Angela now, or does that come later?" He jumped down off his stool and walked towards her hesitantly. "Are you okay? Should I get Uncle John? Would you like a drink or something?"

Angela anxiously slumped against the counter. "No, I'm fine. I can do this. I can be an auntie," she told him.

He leant on the counter next to her, resting his head on his arms. "It's really strange how much like Mum you are," Jamie commented as he gazed up at her. "Did you ever want a little boy?"

"I… I never had the chance," Angela admitted, mesmerised by his deep brown eyes. "I was ill for a long time."

"It's not too late," Jamie told her confidently. "Dad knows some nursing nuns that helped Mum to have me. I'll ask him to take you there if you like."

"Thank you," Angela answered, not really knowing what else to say, but slightly panicking at the thought of nuns disapproving of her. "I'd have to get married first."

"Of course," Jamie readily agreed. "You'd make a beautiful bride."

Angela immediately blushed. "I'm not sure about that," she said modestly.

"He's right," Teddie agreed from where he'd finished polishing the Post Office screen and woodwork, at the end of the shop. He sauntered over with his cloth to comment, "Jamie doesn't tend to make things up, unless it's to describe his nebula theory correction!"

"I didn't make that up!" Jamie protested. "Dad said it was possible."

Teddie grinned mischievously at him. "I'll believe you; thousands wouldn't. Do you fancy pinpointing that seismic interference with me when we've finished here? I was going to sweep Io first, if you like," he offered his brother.

"Ooh, yes please," Jamie enthused. "Did you want to come too, Angela?"

"You go start without me," she answered cagily since it sounded a bit beyond her, all this science-y stuff. "Doug might make a delivery soon."

Teddie reached out and tenderly laid a hand on her arm. "Just for the record, Angela, we don't think you're stupid. We think you're interesting," he told her.

"How did you know I thought that?" she asked him in wonder, caught unawares by his words.

He waved a hand vaguely near his head. "Because you sort of told me. You'll be alright, honest you will. Uncle John has healing hands. Now, is there anything else you need me to do before I get back to my project?" he asked, giving her a reassuring smile.

"No, I'm fine," she answered.

As she watched the boys chase each other away from her she realised that for the first time in many years she didn't feel frightened in the slightest and was genuinely fine. She might like being part of this family very much! With that thought, she drew out her clipboard to decide what item on her list needed organising next.

~o~

"Okay, confess; what did you do to make him agree to this switchover?" Donna quizzed John.

"Nothing! He offered all of his own accord," John answered.

"Oh yeah?! And I'm the Pope," Donna snorted in disbelief.

"Honest! The Doctor suggested pretending you two are us himself, just after we talked through how I should help Angela," he informed her. "I wasn't going to turn down an offer like this, was I?"

"It would be daft; that's true." She stopped what she was doing to smooth his shirt collar down. "This could be it, Bubbers; the end of an era," she mused.

"Or the start of a new one," he confidently told her. "I need to do this, to prove to myself that I'm more than a mere shadow."

"Oh John! You've never been that!" Donna exclaimed indignantly. "Don't say that about yourself, please don't!"

His expression softened. "She needs me, Donna. She genuinely needs me," he mused happily.

"And why wouldn't she? You're quite a catch," she said, emphasising her point by dabbing him on the nose, making him laugh. "I won't stand in the way of your happiness."

"I know you won't," he confidently replied. "I'm going to be a husband!" he exclaimed, and gleefully hugged her.

"Is she ready to meet the TARDIS yet?" Donna queried. "I don't want you to rush her."

"We're almost there," he replied. "I don't want to risk anything unnecessary before we take off."

"Mum is going to be so proud of you," Donna told him. When his eyes welled up at the thought, she hugged him again.

~o~

"Now don't start me off crying!" Donna chided John as they waved him and Angela off in their taxi. "Mum will be down here in a couple of days to greet you when you get back. Any problems, you contact us immediately, and…" She adjusted his lapels as she considered what to add next. "Have yourselves a flipping good time. Do you hear?"

"Will do!" he gleefully replied, and opened the car door for Angela. "Thanks," he told the Doctor as he gratefully shook his hand; right before the Doctor shocked him by giving him a big hug. "Stop it! I'll think you like me."

"I do more than that," the Doctor replied, and was gladdened to see John blush. "Next time, I insist you travel by _proper_ transport."

John flicked his gaze to where Angela was hugging Donna. "We've almost worked our way up to that one. I'll risk it when we get back," he said.

The Doctor hugged him again. "We'll all be here waiting for you," he whispered, patting him on the back.

John then turned his attention to his eager nephews. "Bye boys!" he called out, and was gratified by their equally eager attention.

As they stood waving at the disappearing taxi, Donna thought to ask the Doctor, "Did you knock Mary out? She's been awfully quiet so far."

"Might have done, just a bit," he answered with a smirk. "I thought we needed to ease ourselves into this role."

~o~

All their good intentions soon went out of the window. Mary had woken up with the hump and was determined to take it out on them both. Angela had assured them that Mary wasn't usually grumpy; and she was just being normal for Cornwall folk. The Doctor had escaped to the kitchen, leaving Mary in Donna's capable hands.

It had seemed perfectly simple at first. How hard could it be to look after someone who wasn't an invalid? A bit of help getting out of bed and into the bathroom; and then a hand to get settled on the sofa. It should have been straight forward.

Donna eyed Mary with exasperation; why was she doing this again? The old witch was close to a slapping, that was sure!

"Ange! You know I don't like my tea this dark," Mary grumbled. She peered at Donna over the rim of her cup. "Are you still in love with him?" she quietly asked.

Donna sighed happily. "Am I?!"

"I hope that's me you're talking about," the Doctor commented as he appeared with fresh supplies of toast and placed them onto the coffee table.

"Might be," Donna replied, lifting up her face for an expected kiss.

He readily obliged. "Play your cards right and you'll have lots more to discuss," he said with an eyebrow waggle.

"For the love of… What has gotten into you two? You're worse than normal!" Mary griped loudly. "Can't you wait five minutes before trying to grope each other?!"

"I… we…," stammered Donna; suddenly realising she'd slipped out of character.

"Who could resist such a face?" the Doctor cheerfully taunted Mary, cradling Donna's head in his hands.

"Obviously not you, judging by the noises you were making last night," Mary retorted.

The Doctor shot Donna a look of embarrassment, and he gave a cough.

"She meant John," Donna consoled him in tones only he could hear.

"Yes; I can hear you," Mary continued in a sarcastic voice. "Though why God wants to hear from you is beyond me."

The Doctor felt anger rage through him on John's behalf. "Now look here…"

Donna placed a hand on his arm to stop him. "…out the window. Doesn't the sea look lovely today," she brightly finished his sentence.

Mary glanced up from reading the morning paper. "Have you gone soft in the head, Angela? Or are you hiding something?"

Donna lightly swayed her arms to smack the backs of her hands together. "Just trying to think of a nice treat for you, Mary," she answered.

"You could try breaking off your engagement," Mary suggested.

The Doctor and Donna plastered on their best smiles in return. It was beginning to look as though it was going to be a long couple of days.


End file.
